Is it normal for my bf to want his brother to live with us?

What about suggesting you have him at weekends :o)

Just to give your bf a little taste of caring for this brat! He can't imagine spending all his time monitoring him and his whereabouts, trying to stop him getting into trouble or trying to find him before the police do, or his demands for constant money, harping on "I'm bored", etc. Teenagers are no joke!!

He will also be taking away from your time together.
I'd give him 4 weekends before he realises how awful it is to try to raise a teenager.

So nod and smile, and let your bf learn the hard way - just make sure he takes baby steps before diving straight in.

I admire his intentions but he will find the reality is NOT what he envisioned :o) This seriously makes me laugh. Considering the day I'm having with my 15 year old son, I'd be happy to ship mine over to your bf and will even pay him :o)

I guess people are raised with different values.

parents can't/don't kick ass like an older brother.

I think the child needs help. He's only 15. Their's still hope for him to change and become a better person. If it were my brother I'd do the same because I care and want him to turn into a good person. Granted your life will probably be a living hell for a few months but bare with them for your bf sake at least. If that tiny amount of time can change that little ones life who may be crushed inside stuck in the past hurt almost beyond repair then thats little to give. Your bf needs your support and I feel you should support him. I think your being alil selfish here. Personally I know how it feels to be in that position. My parents divorced and many things happened when we were little. I was about 8 when my parents left us in our grandmothers house with my baby brother who was two or three at that time. Even though I was really hurt inside. I had to suck it up because I was the older child and no one but I would care for him. I had to stay strong. You know a part of me is still stuck at that time and I could never really heal what happened in the past. I think that little brother of his is really lucky to have someone who willing to help him. I think its absolutely normal for you bf to want his little brother to stay with you guys. Family is always so precious that you want to protect it and I think thats what bf's trying to do protect his lil brother from harm. c:

I think it is normal for a brother to want to help his little brother but I think it's a lot of burden on you and that's a little unfair.

I'm aware that there's alternatives, depending on where you live. Still a pain in the ass. And nothing to say the kid isn't just going to continue to fuck up and get kicked out of place after place, many do. Home school requires compliance, and if the kid doesn't do the work and/or meet the standard, parents/guardians are in trouble.

By law a 15 yr old can be home (unless of course they are on probation or some other kind of supervisory program), but is that a good idea if he's a known troublemaker? I sure as hell wouldn't leave this kid alone in my house. Who's he going to bring over? What's he going to do all alone with no supervision? What if he just leaves and goes and gets arrested or damages something while I'm gone? Fuck that. If the child is in someone else besides the parents custody or control, THAT person is responsible, not necessarily the parents.

To drop out, you need permission from parents.

Nothing wrong with having the kid prove himself before letting him move in, is there?

A minor child doing anything illegal isn't 'benign' when YOU'RE their guardian and YOU have to pay (in one way or another) for and clean up after their crimes. Parents and guardians these days get into a lot of trouble when their kid does illegal shit.

What happens when a kid gets suspended/expelled from school? Hmm? Well let's see. A parent or guardian either has to stay off work to supervise them all day or pay a babysitter. Yeah, THAT'S cool. NOT. Plus parents are responsible for their child to be in some kind of schooling, or the parents go to jail. Where does a kid who's suspended or expelled go to school and how do they get there?

You can always try it out and if it doesn't work, kick the kid to the curb.

Well what pisses me off about the pot thing is that he sold his ipod that his mother had bought for him plus he sold three brand new xbox games that my bf had bought for him for christmas to get money for drugs.

DO I think it's normal for a person to try to reach out to their family member? Yes.

DO I think that you're going to have a really tough time and have the right to refuse him living with you? Yes.

Has he ever been taken to a therapist to see what's wrong with him?! If you found out the problem both you, your BF and his brother would benefit. Once, his mental health is properly being cared for maybe he could move in with you, but until then, weekends would probably be best.

bad, bad, bad idea. dont do it!

I'm going to make a few new points.

He's probably going to cause you some problems you probably aren't even thinking about. A lot of the potential problems don't go away so easily after you give the kid back either.

You probably have neighbors. Among them is probably a kid or kids worse than him. He will immediately befriend those kids and probably find more trouble. These kids will be in YOUR house at least a couple times. Think theft, destruction, stress for you.

Your neighbors will probably end up hating you. Whether it's noise, broken windows, slashed tires, fighting, police coming by because of him, whatever...they will probably end up hating you.

You might end up getting evicted. Either from criminal activity, neighbor complaints....Nevermind evicted, I just read you were buying a house...well, in that case be prepared for your house to be destroyed and for your possibly lifelong neighbors to hate you! Also not good for the cops to be accustomed to coming to your home, you don't want a reputation.

This kid will immediately know you are not thrilled with his presence and he will use that for everything he can. He will punish you! He will also purposely cause strife between you and your husband.

The volume of food a 15 year old kid and his entourage will eat is astounding. It might not seem like a huge deal but wait until he's taken your last soda, piece of pie, slice of pizza for the 20th time, and your grocery bill has to be computed by NASA.

He probably has zero intention of changing. He probably thinks 'well if I move here, my mom will be off my back and I can get away with more cuz my bro is cool'.

You and your husband are not up on all this kid's tricks and he will be using all of them on you.

Just some things to think about.

Your husband should just spend his spare time with his brother and at least set requirements and goals for the kid to reach before even considering a living arrangement.

Don't do it ! You will regret it. It is no good at all. All it will bring you is a sad seperation with you and your lover .

It's good that he wants to set his little brother straight, but that would require HIM to put in the effort.
It sounds like something that you will not be able to handle alone, since he would not be home enough to deal with his bro all the time. It makes it worse that his parents don't want to help. They should at least buy his clothes and give you some money for the extra food and toilet paper he uses.

It would be great though if he could bring his brother up properly like his parents obviously couldn't.

From what it sounds, he just wants to help the kid out. But I think you should tell him how you feel about it. Be understanding of the way he feels, but also let him know that there's a lot of things that you won't be able to do with a teenager in the house. ;)