Is it normal for my bf's mom to dislike me because i'm shy?

That's all fine & dandy advice, but 'talking' is the problem :/ If she had a different personality it wouldnt be so hard. Because when I'm around his dad its not really intimidating, he jokes around & makes it easier to talk to. And his grandma (on dad's side) lovesssss me, like a lot.
I wish his mom could be more normal, but she's not a 'sweet' person. And way back in the day my bf used to tell me about problems with his family. Like he doesn't really belong, or fit in. They're not exactly what I would call nice people, they care a lot about how people see them. Again, its a perfectionist thing. She's constantly getting mad at my bf & grounds him a lot, but she loves her perfect daughters & their perfect boyfriends -__-.
Idk if I wanna stick around to let her be my monster-in-law, because I pretty much know how its gonna be, constantly trying to impress them, etc. :/

same thing happened to me!! some people can't understand shyness! and think it's rude!! argh people are so annoying!! my x bf's nana and mom were like ' your a really rude young lady' and I was shocked because everyone thinks I'm nice it's just that I'm shy they don't understand!! and they hated me and were like youve known us long enough not to be shy anymore and they hated me so I just dumped him and said ur family is too judgemental and weird.

Holy cow! Poor you!

My husbands step-mom was evil. Hated me, my kids and tolerated her step son. We weren't enough because we never had the best things. Or lived in the best neighborhood. I got sooo tired of her putting down my family, I basically stopped talking to her. My father in law was a very nice man but believed her lies. Till....2 years before he died. By then the damage was done.

So, first try to make peace with her. If that doesnt work, just try to accept her for what she is. But don't break up just because his mommy said to. She must have done something right with raising your boyfriend for you to like him so much.

okay. dont write a note. thats very shy and seems childish. the first step is to approach her, try not to be nervous and just explain yourself in person. stay cool and relaxed. dont be tense or scared, just say that you never want to seem disrespectful and that you just admire her alot and are scared that you dont live up to her expectations. she should feel very sorry and decide she was to hard on you. if not, and she reacts poorly... well plain and simple, that bitch wont ever like you. so just play it cool. and its not normal from my point of view, but then again, i only know your side. goodluck!

Damn I hate it how people don't understand shyness and think you're rude when you don't talk much etc.

I'm not even sure you should talk to her directly about this. Perhaps she thought this was a private conversation with her son that would not be relayed to you. Her reaction to you directly addressing her about what she told her son might be one of embarrassment and disappointment in her son for "tattling." The last thing you want to do is create more resentment towards you if she blames you for perceived changes in her relationship with him.

Your boyfriend should not have told you every negative, hurtful detail. What good did it do? There are other ways he could try to help you feel less intimidated and shy with his mom. He can initiate conversations; he can build you up. He has a responsibility in a mature relationship to help you fit in.

I had a boyfriend when I was 18 who was very shy, and it drove my father crazy. He acted (and actually was) disinterested in my parents. So they were wary of his motives and didn't trust him to keep me safe or happy. And in the end, he did break my heart. I am sure that because your boyfriend's mom feels disconnected from you, she has some worries about who you are. And you sound like a nice girl!

What I would do is try my absolute best to get to know her now. Ask her about herself. Nonchalantly mention the qualities in her son that you love. Certainly you have some interesting things about yourself that you could share.

I hope that your relationship with your boyfriend's mom is as important to him as it is to you. Otherwise, this will be a big problem.

And in getting to know her better you'll come to understand if she is just a concerned mom who loves her son or if she would be a future monster-in-law. It's better to know sooner than later.

too much shyness is somewhat disrespectful to tell you frankly. when you're in your bf's house, greet his mom, talk to her with simple conversations. if you're in front of her don't just stare ask her how she is or just simple things that can open up a conversation so that she can feel that you're not ignoring her.

Outgoing people don't understand shy people. So you gotta suck it up and talk to the mom like she wants to be talked to. Be as outgoing and personable as you can and just watch...she'll start warming up to you.

Also, "OWN" whatever short-comings you think you have.
What that means is don't be ashamed of any imperfection you have and the mom will respect you.

Deep down inside the mom knows that no one is perfect, but she doesn't trust you because you barley talk to her.

It's not uncommon for some people to mistake shyness for "being up to something" or Secretiveness.
It could be a huge alarm bell for some people.
Usually talking to them about yourself helps.

Do not...repeat...do NOT write a letter. You are 18 and legally an adult....talk to her like one. Bite bullet and just do it. As for the 4am thing...I wouldn't find that respectful either.

Sounds like a good idea, except that you ought to think about lacing the letter with anthrax as well.

There are some moms (who have sons) that you just can't please. When I met my husband I was at university while he was a tradesman and his bitch of a mom hated me coz she knew I thought she was an idiot. I was unable to sustain a conversation for any length of time about matching her lipstick with her nail varnish.

Maybe your bf's mom is afraid of losing her son coz she never expected you two to last so long. As much as possible, stay out of her house and get some space between you.

Good luck!

she doesnt hate you just do what she wants, the 4am thing might annoy her and btw boyfriend shouldn't have said it to you. just be nice and it will blow over

bf mom never likes any girl lol ~ just don't care , your not dating her.

Once I went to my gf house.
Her mom opened the door and went:
HI! She didn't tell me you were coming!
And I went like:There is probably a good reason she didn't,don't you think?
And she was like:Like what?Oh.Get out of here.
So I started trying to get in,thinking she meant it jokingly,like,get out of here,you know.
But she went again:I meant get out.
So I was like:Oh.I'll come by later anyway.
And went away.

Next day it happened again.
I couldn't avoid her.So I just pretended like she wasn't even there.And the bitch looked at me and went:What are you doing here?I thought I told you never to show up again.
And I was like:Did someone talk?I heard someone talking but I don't see anyone.I must be going completely insane.
So my gf went:Ghost of the house!If you are there give us a sign.Then farted.And we started laughing like crazy.Her mom gave her a concerned/upset look,so she went:Yeah mom,I'm going to my room.I'm so grounded.Whatever.But he is coming with me.
I looked at her mom like wanting to say:Can I?
And my gf went:Are you gonna ask her for permission or something?Come on!So I looked at her mom as if wanting to say:I don't want to upset her.Can't do anything about it.Smirkingly.Then we went to her room.She,her mom,wouldn't stop coming there bothering us with stupid excuses like ice tea,and to ask us if we wanted anything to eat.So we both just nodded boringly,knowing she was just trying to keep us from getting down and dirty.When she came back in the room with a couple of sandwiches,first we looked at the sandwiches and giggled,then she looked at her mom and said:It's useless.You efforts are pointless. We are gonna do it whether you want us to or not.
So she just sighed turned around took her keys and went away after saying:I'll be back home in about an hour.I hope you kids know what you are doing.
We nodded again.Then we finally got to it.
After smoking a fatty.

Don't try this at home.