Is it normal for me to think my boyfriend is bi?

I'm in a very complicated situation right now and I really need advice ASAP to know how to handle this situation tonight when I have a serious talk with my bf when he gets back from work so pls take the time to read this and let me know what you think.

I've been in a relationship with my bf for 2 years, we have a wonderful 4 month old. & well this morning I caught my bf on my phone in the bathroom watching gay porn. We had issues about him watching porn before it's just something he loves doing he says. He can just sit there and watch porn and not "masturbate" or anything. I have a very open mind so I was okay with it but this is the very first time I caught him looking at gay porn. I had taken the phone away from him and all I saw was a girl and a guy but then I went on the history and he had been watching gay porn. I honestly don't know what to think.

Two months ago he confessed that when he was younger he had gone to his best friends party and someone might of roofied his cup. He only remembers bits and pieces and in that short memory he has of it he remembers some guy wanting to fuck him and that the guy kept telling him "you love this, you asked me to do this to you" my bf states that he kept saying no but he was so weak to do anything. He decided not to tell anyone about it bc he was very confused on weather he did want it at that time or not, he says he doesn't remember how it felt or if he did or didn't like it since he was drugged.

After that happened he had been in many relationships with females & since he had bad luck with girls he thought that maybe he was destined to be with a guy so he created accounts on gay websites & told me that he didn't really find it something he liked. He also had a roommate that was gay and started asking him questions on being gay, the roommate kinda wondered why he asked so many questions and told him to just get to the point so my bf confessed what happened to him and what he did after. His roommate told him to go on a double date with him to see how he felt about it and he did. He said he felt really weird like if it wasn't right, the guy who my bf had gone on a date with told him that he's far from being gay, that he knows one when he sees one and that he was far from it, that he might just be confused. My bf felt relieved.

After that happened a couple of months after that's when him and I started dating, we never really gave each other the chance to actually know each other and we started living together. Things didn't go well and we broke up for 5 months. When we got back together and I got to know him better I started noticing weird things about him like sometimes he jokes a lot pretending to be gay, he starts mimicking that he's gay & I always thought it was to make me laugh or so but then he would make a lot of gay jokes like acting like they're gay for each other to his coworkers, brother in law & even my brother. I saw how they would all play along with my bf so it didn't worry me , I thought it was just a guy thing.

One day I asked him "what's your deepest secret" and that's when he told me about what happened to him at the party. He told me that if I had any questions to simply ask him anything I want. I asked him if he would ever be in a relationship with a man? Or if he sexually desires to be with a man? Etc. he said no. That he knows what he wants and that he wants me & that he cares for me and that he truly loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but now that's kind of hard to believe when I caught him watching gay porn this morning before he went to work. I asked him why and he said it was something he is used to watching, that he doesn't get turned on by it supposedly but his dick said other wise this morning. We didn't really get to talk about it since he had to go to work but we said we would discuss it tonight.

I really don't know what to do, I want to help him but I don't want to be in a relationship until he isn't completely sure what he wants but then again I don't want to loose him, he's my world but then again I'm concerned about what if this effects our child. I mean what if one day my bf wakes up and decides that he doesn't like pussy and likes dick instead . I don't know what to do, I want him to be happy but I honestly don't know what to say to him when he gets home. How can we solve this issue? Please help me .

Like I said I have a very open mind, I mean I would consider still being with him no matter if he's bi or not but I just want him to figure it out first before we stay together and it ends up that he just likes guys and that he was just afraid of admitting it or that he was confused and the one that ends up getting hurt is me. So pls tell me what you think, give me some ideas of what I can say about this or what I can do in this situations. Thank you for taking your time to do so!

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 21 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • Karl355

    So he's bi. Does it matter? I don't see the problem. My partner is bi . It's a non issue

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    • Exsancy

      That's not my issue, I love gays, bi, whatever you want to call it. Like I said on the post, I would still be with him even if he was bi. My issue is that I want him to figure it out first if he really is into women instead of later on when we have a bigger family come to find out that the whole time he was pretending just because he wasn't comfortable enough to come out.

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      • sandraasiilva

        I'm sure he's into woman. Even if he's also into guys, it doesn't matter as long as he loves you and is attracted to you, which I believe he is. Look, if he wasn't attracted to you his dick wouldn't create your child and he wouldn't have dated other girls before. Don't worry :)

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  • Ellenna

    You're lucky even one person bothered to respond to that wall of words. Never heard of paragraphs? I can't be bothered ....

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    • Exsancy

      ever * even * bother* ..... Ever heard of correct spelling ? & it's something I wrote quickly, your more than welcome to read it, and give me advice, if not move along.

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      • Ellenna

        I meant "even" and I assume you meant "you're" not your?

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        • Exsancy

          look I have bigger problems than to worry about you right now. I'm new at this website and I didn't know if i had a certain amount of letter count, all I need is quick advice, that's it. This is for people who are actually here to give advice not to judge the way they type. So like I said before YOU'RE more than welcome to read and give advice or just move along. Thanks

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          • Ellenna

            I wouldn't have mentioned your typo if you hadn't incorrectly corrected mine! I'd be happy to respond to yr post if I could read it

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            • 12eahtsdrateri

              was yr meant to be your.?

              because I would be happy to ignore common type-os if the person that did the type o was not so rude to someone that was seeking advice on something.

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            • Exsancy

              you started judging the way I type from the start. Look just go away, I don't have time for this. You'll be making everybody a favor.

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  • (s)aint

    So he´s bi then? Not abnormal. Quite normal actually.
    IT DOES NOT MATTER.
    These days people are so damn focused on labeling their sexuality, just enjoy what you want to enjoy and leave it at that.

    Regarding the porn: LET THE MAN FUCKING BE. Let him watch whatever porn he wants to watch and masturbate to it as much as he want as long as he isn´t neglecting you.

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  • Ace9

    I don't understand, the part u took his phone... and looked into its history... how long had he been watching gay stuff?

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  • Rainbowbash

    Eh. I watched it once out of pure curiosity... Some weird shit. Listen, your boyfriends just really confused on what happened due to the loss of memory, and what it would feel like. He had a feeling in the back of his head saying it would be nice, but in reality it's just like anal. It stinks like shit, and you don't want to do it, but once you start, you can't stop... Just be legit with your BF, and really let him pick your brain about this. If he cares, he'll do so. Be sincere as well, honesty is the best policy. Tell him what you told us... And if he's Bi-, (Which I Doubt) he'll still stay. He just will know he has other options.

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  • gloryholeflasher

    A lot of guys are bi in the sense that they love women, and why not, women are lovely creatures, but they enjoy having sex with other guys. If he's into gay porn, and gets hard while watching it, then he's at least bi. Maybe he's gay and claims to be fighting or resisting it, but if he continues watching porn he's gonna lose that battle.
    I would not advise you to attempt to build a life around him. It's not fair to you or any children you will have. He might be a nice guy and you can continue to like him or love him as a friend, but you should not marry him.
    Good luck!

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  • iEatZombies_

    It sounds to me like he's trying to get in touch with his incredibly vague memory so that he can better understand it. I'm not sure if you've ever been sexually assaulted, but what happens when you're sexually assaulted is you are immediately confused, shocked, and scared. If he doesn't remember the incident, he could very well be reliving those feelings without any way of understanding why he feels that way. Watching gay porn helps him recreate that environment safely so that he can better confront the memory of it and start understanding his feelings. His NOT GAY feelings.
    It's very unlikely that he's gay just because he thought he might've liked it- that's simply just his way of trying to gain some of the control he lost when that happened to him. It's much easier to believe you gave sex away, however unwillingly, than it is to know someone took it from you.

    He really needs therapy for this. This is something that will never stop bothering him even when he realizes he's not gay.

    You need to also realize he's not gay so that you can confront what the real issue is- Rape. Your boyfriend was raped by another man and now he's not himself. You cannot make him feel ashamed of watching gay porn when it's for the purpose of coming to grips with a trauma. It'll only make him feel more ashamed of what happened to him and further cause him to blame himself. You should also consider counseling so that you can better learn how to cope with his outbursts and anxieties, rather than help fuel them.

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  • snarkygirl

    I think you need to prioritize your child first. Decide if you two want to be monogamous or not. If you aren't bothered by his bi- sexuality I guess that's fine. But better be honest with each other cause having multiple partners is a good way to get disease.
    I personally prefer a totally straight guy but I think it's pretty established he IS indeed bi.

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  • peridot

    There is nothing wrong with him being bisexual, his porn interests shouldn't be any of your business anyway. Just don't force him out of the closet because his family and friends could be against bisexuality and it could ruin his life

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  • victorygin

    First of all, approach this carefully and with love.
    If you're in any way accusatory, or demanding answers, he'll probably just switch into defence mode and shut you out.
    Take it as something that you want to figure out together. It's not a problem, he hasn't done anything wrong, it's just an issue that you want to work through together. No matter what happens, you'll be ok with it, you just want to talk it through and figure out what's going on so everybody can be happy.

    Ok, I don't know whether he's gay, but he's probably confused. If he was drugged and raped (?) that's gonna screw with him a hell of a lot. That could throw a straight guy into questioning his sexuality.
    There's also something called homosexual OCD. It's OCD - the doubting disorder - but where someone constantly questions and doubts their sexuality. These people might look up gay porn to "check" if it arouses them. Maybe there's an element of that going on.

    So try and stay calm and help him figure it out. The worst thing you can do is to freak out, freak HIM out and start demanding things from him that he's not even sure of himself.

    Either he's mostly straight, mostly gay or mostly bi. Either way you'll figure out what to do.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Maybe he's a sex addict? Porn addiction is progressive.

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  • Jayy

    You know, this kinda shit is only weird when someone finds out you doin' it. Think about it.

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    • Exsancy

      Yeah bc you don't expect them already doing it

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      • Jayy

        Yes, and the fact that you only know they doin it by knowing they doin it, means it doesnt do any harm. Get what im tryin to say?

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