Is it normal for me to still love him?

Backstory:
My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years now and engaged for 5 months. We have a 7 week old baby boy together. We met in elementary school and became friends, he said he loved me we were 12/13 and I rejected him up until we were 15 when we started to reconnect and date.
The issue:
He started our relationship off with a lie, claiming he has sex with his best friend’s sister before he and I met (he’d have been 11). I know he lied but I didn’t call him out on it for a year or so. I know...stupid right??
He cheated on me in college almost as soon as we got there, the second month!
He met this girl in fencing and he became infatuated with her and always blew me off for her and her other female and male friends. He ate breakfast and dinner with her almost every day. He only ever texted her. If I was in the room it was like I didn’t exist. He even changed his clothing style for her and said he wanted to learn how to ride horses like her ( I offered to teach him prior to this). He also told her he had a dream they were “under the covers together watching a movie”....
I know I shouldn’t have got on his phone but I KNEW he was cheating.....
I broke up with him because of this , it got so bad....it hurt so bad.....
Well the SAME day we broke up he tried to get with her via text and she rejected him. During the breakup he said he didn’t love me anymore and that “these things happen” and that we can “still be friends” and then after we’re broken up he starts paying MORE attention to me and trying to touch me all the time....and about a month later he texts me begging for sex.
THEN I stupidly got back with him a few months later just for him to PHYSICALLY cheat on me with ANOTHER girl from fencing. He started blowing me off even worse than with the first one so I knew it was sexual and this went on for over 3 months. He blew me off on Valentine’s Day and went out with his SINGLE friends. He ignored my birthday. He blew me off when I asked him to eat with me. He blew me off when we had plans together. He also refused to tell his family or his friends that we were back together. All to have sex with her. Of course still having sex with me when he could but treating me like some throw away whore. It was terrible.......
He even took HER to meet his fucking dad!! And they went out to eat together. But of course before that they went to his room and fucked...(she told me).
Funny thing is while asking him discreetly about the affair he said he’d never have sex with anyone else...blah blah lies. I finally confronted him and he said he’d stop...that was in March. And our 3 year anniversary was in April (forever tainted). I found out in May he was still seeing her.....
I confronted him again...he cried and apologized.
He finally stopped seeing her.
I talked to her and she agreed to tell me if he tried to get with her again (she lied).
I got back with him again...(Yeah ik I’m stupid) and one day when he was over and asleep I looked at his phone and say they were taking again....he was saying how much he missed her, he was horny thinking about her, he missed having sex with her, blah blah blah. He woke up to me crying and wanted to know why, I told him and he said “it was just a test” he then called her a whore and said she had a “weird square body” and said he doesn’t want her anymore and they haven’t talked since.....mind you she rejected him in the messages.
Before that she told me she wanted to remain friends with him (which made me want to strangle her). Now they don’t talk and she’s been in a relationship for over a year and she’s expecting a baby girl on July 8th.....
It’s been a year since the end of the affair now and I still find myself feeling less than and questioning why he would ever do this to me...
Before college I meant everything to him and he to me. We were so happy......now I feel broken and unsure if I can ever trust him again. He’s been trying really hard to prove himself to me. He’s never let me go to bed upset and he lets me see his phone again. I’m still unsure if he even wants to be with me or if he’s now doing this out of guilt. Even when going through the cheating he said he’d always love me......
I’ve got a male friend that has had feelings for me since 7th grade (we’re 20 now) I helped him out of a 5 year long toxic relationship and he says he hates how I’m being treated and he will wait for me as long as it takes...I don’t know what to make of that either. He’s not once lied to me and he’s nothing but good to me. I just don’t like that he drinks and smokes and has druggy friends but I realize he has depression and issues. I just want him to be healthy and I want to good father for my son.....
I have no feelings for him though....so idk.
Am I wrong for still being with my fiancé? Should I give the other guy a chance? I don’t know what’s wrong with me tbh........
My fiancé is currently in national guard basic training and he’s going to be home in 3 weeks. He didn’t even see our son being born. I had to have an emergency c section and it was very traumatic for me.....
Anyways please don’t be hateful.....and I’m sorry for the formatting of this sorry it’s very hard for me to process my thoughts into something that makes sense. There’s a lot more he’s done but I don’t need to write a novel......