Is it normal for me to feel this way?

I am 23 years old, and am a single mom; I need someone to talk to about this. I feel that if I tell my family they will reject me. I want to give my son up for adoption because I feel as though if I keep my son I will end up harming him or myself. I have felt this way ever since my toddler was a newborn. I had feelings of distress, and feelings of both wanting to harm him, but at the same time wanting to protect him from danger.

I am not sure if these feelings are normal. Every day from when my baby was a new born till today I have this overwhelming fear that strikes me when my baby cries. This fear that comes over me feels like the air is getting crowed; like some invisible force is crowding around me and is going to harm me. I haven’t talked to anyone about this because I feel as though I am abnormal and crazy. Six months after I became pregnant with my toddler, weird things started to happen to me.

My pregnancy was filled with loneliness depression because my boyfriend was acting up; like most irresponsible fathers (I mean sperm donors) do. I kept having someone sit on my bed, I would feel and hear the bed go down, and then I would look up and not see anyone there. Then after my pregnancy a couple of months later I went into a deep depression for a whole week. I was not connecting with anyone around me emotionally, but almost mechanically. In that same week I had the bed thing happen again except it seemed as though I could feel a being (like an invisible human) there.

I heard the bed go down behind me and I also felt it. I also felt as if part of the bed where I laid my head went down (like a hand was there). So it was like the invisible person that was lying behind me had their arm around me. I woke up and was not able to move for 3 seconds; I was panicked and could not catch my breath. When I could move and after I caught my breath I sat up in bed and I could still feel the being/person sitting beside me.

The heavy feeling lasted for 10 minutes and then it went away and so did my depression. The bed thing does not happen any more, but I still am depressed on and off and I am fearful that the strange things will start to happen again.

What should I do? Do I have post partum depression? Is it normal to feel as though something is going to harm me if my baby cries?