Is it normal for me to feel this way..

I'm 18 and I have always had a "rocky" relationship with my mother. For as long as I can remember she's always been going through something bad like my father cheating on her or her miscarriage. So I have always had a great deal of sympathy for my mother. However my mom see's the others in my family as weak because of there "bad choices" and she has told me on several occasions she's glad how responsible and strong willed I am. So she takes her negative emotions and places it on me by calling me names (I'm the only one who can handle it). And she constantly blames me for our families problems. This has gone of basically my entire life. I thought for a while it truly was me but my moms best friend pointed it out how disrespectful she is toward me(they are no longer speaking).My mom has told me on several occasions that I am beneath her and I am her property. But this is how she was brought up so I try to be understanding. But I endure all of this because I truly believe she loves me so I try to be a force of good in her life by not being a burden and working really hard to be someone good ( I clean the house everyday, I get straight "A's" in schoo I'm graduating high school soon!!!, I don't talk back, etc.).But it's getting harder to forgive and forget it's getting harder to live the lifestyle I have choosen to perceive to my mother to make her life easier. Last December we went to visit relatives and unfortunately they live in a bad area, we were stopped by corrupt military police and they kept us prisioners for a couple of days. My mom has a special condition where if she gets a bruise it can lead to a clot and she can die it's called gene factor 5 mutation I think. Anyhow I convinced the men not harm my mother so they gave me extra beatings and raped me instead of hurting her. We finally managed to escape, and made it out alive I have put this behind me because I know I didn't deserve that and they will pay for what they have done one day. To continue, I don't really feel what I consider negative emotions such as sadness or jealousy, but today I felt a feeling I was unfamiliar with... hate. I have never felt this emotion before...for I truly believed no one should ever have this feeling. My mother was very angry this morning and she told me I deserved to be raped by those men and I deserved the beatings I received. She then proceeded to call me a whore and other names such as those. Before I was raped I was a virgin and saving myself for God( I am also a very modest dresser). I protected her those days and she betrayed me with those words. I know I'm suppose to have kindness and forgiveness in my heart but she's making it very difficult for me. I have been told by my father (not biological but religion father) we should forgive because those who do wrong don't always know they are doing wrong. I guess what I'm getting around is even though I'm at suppose to be forgiving is it okay for me to hate my mom for me to walk in the same room as her and for my stomach to turn for me to want to yell at her for the pain she has caused me. For me to wish for her to feel the physical and emotional pain I am burdened with to feel those negative emotions I cover with a smile and a helpful can-do attitude. Is it normal for me to feel such hatered and disgust toward her?