Is it normal for me to feel scared that she's back in my life?

79% Normal
5 Comments

An old friend from high school that was emotionally abusive to me recently started talking to my closer mutual friends again. I felt Emma only talked to me to let me know that she was on good terms with them again. When we all saw each other, she gave each of us a hug, and we did have a good time. However, she had also said to me privately that she never wanted to see me again.

Our friend Sarah had stopped talking to Emma a few years ago because she couldn't take the drama anymore, but now they've made up, and are spending a lot of time together during our college breaks. After high school, Emma had also told our friend Jessica that she didn't want to be friends with her anymore because if she wanted to be friends with Kara, then they had to stop being friends. I remember Jessica feeling hurt by this. Now Jessica and Sarah have both seemed to forgive Emma.

I don't remember a lot of the details of what happened two years ago, I think I blocked out a lot of it. I know for certain Emma has not changed too much, and my concern isn't that I want to be friends with her again. Jessica and Sarah seem to tiptoe around me if they do have plans with Emma, and it feels like they only tell me because they know Emma will post pictures on Facebook or they'll post check-ins. I don't want to be dramatic and remove anyone on Facebook, so I just turned off notifications from her.

Some of my friends have gave me advice like "If Jessica and Sarah were really your close friends, then they wouldn't be friends with Emma again." I don't know if I'm being stupid for thinking our friends could care about us both equally.I feel like they shouldn't have to choose and I don't want to put them in that kind of position.

Emma has a way of being manipulative, asking questions, and turning people against each other. It's subtle, and I guess what's scary is she will admit she does it. I am bothered that she's always "successful" in it. She has a way of picking out people's insecurities, and making them feel like she is the only one that really cares about them. She's good at making people feel like they belong, but out of the blue she'll start a fight with someone, and tests their limits.

I have to admit for these reasons, I am really jealous that our mutual friends would just take her back so easily. I am worried I'll somehow get tangled back in or be left behind.

This isn't normal is it? What should I do? I just want to feel better.

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 29 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • purplemonkey
    11 years ago

    Emma sounds desperate and sad. And don't feel responsible or in control of your friends. They have a right to live how they want, including spending time with a sad person. You have to be independent, always. You can't be reliant on anyone but yourself. I'm not saying blow off your friends, but let them make their own decisions, and always make your own.

    It says a lot about Emma if she's turning them against you, and it says a lot about them if they're listening to her.

    Be yourself, trust your instincts, and understand that sometimes friendships end. It just gives you opportunity to grow and expand to be your best person.

    :)

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  • Devyn
    11 years ago

    This is a difficult situation and I won't pretend to understand friend relationships between girls, or anyone actually I'm quite socially inept. However I will point out that a lot of children are emotionally abusive because they have been emotionally abused. Emma may only be taking the abuse out on you, thus she may seem a perfectly reasonable and nice person to Jessica and Sarah. You should probably talk to them and her about it, from experience communication has always been the best way to resolve such a situation.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Stay away from toxic people.

    You deserve better.

    You can find better.

    You will like them, they will like you.

    It's hard.

    It's also hard going through this kind of crap with your "friends"

    I wish I had more advice. I am currently hanging out with really shitty and toxic people. I am also going through other crap. My life needs an overhaul.

    If I come up with something good, I will post it.

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  • I-Wish-BJo-Was-My_Sister
    11 years ago

    Attention! e hem: search can you comment on this?

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  • ucipher8
    11 years ago

    If you have friends, who have to warn you about each other, i mean thats a good thing i guess. But you have on side, trying to pit you against emma, and i think emma trying to pit you against your other 2 friends?

    Cant you all get along, what happened?

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