Is it normal for me to feel like i don't know my boyfriend

73% Normal
15 Comments

Okay so my boyfriend got locked up in jail for breaking his probation and doing drugs. Itn for me not to know what to do? He promised me he was clean and he lied I feel very hurt and disappointed but idk how to act or feel about it I need help itn? He told me we would get married and have a baby but now idk if we can bc I feel as if I can't trust him. I need help I'm heart broken I feel like he isn't reasonable and worse that I dont know the real him itn???

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 30 votes (22 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 15 )
  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    End the relationship.

    You can't save him. You can't fix him. Having a baby will not make him change. Jail will not cure him. And love will not make him stop.

    He needs to realize on his own that what he's doing is bad for him and want to change, which could take months, years, decades, or never. You can try to convince him, but the final decision is his. Are you really willing to waste your life waiting for some grown man to get his act togehter?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    4
    4
      -
    • Max2016
      7 years ago

      I agree with Tealights.

      @OP The only way I see this relationship going is downhill. The longer you wait the harder it's going to get. So it's better to end it now. Your heart will try to cling to the smallest bit of hope - that maybe he will change, that maybe this time he will really keep his promises - but I have seen too many such failed relationships. I have experienced it myself. She didn't do drugs but she was pretty... well never mind. I thought if I just loved her enough maybe she would change.

      They don't. It will leave you empty, exhausted, angry and hollow. Also, it's important to tell yourself that you did the right thing by breaking up. And none of this is your fault. I blamed myself and that made it even harder. But I eventually got over it. After enough time passed I was able to see it wasn't my fault. There was nothing I could have done to salvage the relationship.

      So get out as soon as you can.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
    • DuHast
      7 years ago

      ^^Yep

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • DuHast
    7 years ago

    Yeh, he's not ready to have a baby. He's still into doing drugs and breaking probations. He likes having sex and says he wants to have a baby, probably because that's what you want - or maybe he does too because that's the way it was in his family.
    Either way, just give him some time - he'll have a lot of that on his hands anyway - and wait it out. You may make things work out, but be patient. Don't rush into the old reproduction, you guys don't need any more bullshit.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • 032801miracle
      7 years ago

      How do ik that I'm not wasting my time I love him but it feels like idk who he is anymore

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Ellenna
        7 years ago

        If you don't know who he is, and apparently never did on some level, the person you love doesn't really exist and never did. Don't even think about a baby or marriage with this person right now, just focus on what you know to be real about him and what is false or damaging.

        In my experience a relationship with an addict has a third party in it, and that's the addiction, which will almost invariably be chosen over the other person.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        2
        2
      • DuHast
        7 years ago

        In all honestly, you probably are wasting your time. Is that too harsh a truth to take?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        2
        2
      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        Set a personal end date (not an ultimatum for the boyfriend). For example: "If Joe isn't clean by July 8th 2021 (5 years from now), then I'm moving on."

        Of course it doesn't have to be 5 years, you can adjust it as you see fit; but remember, this isn't about when he'll get help for his drug use, but how long you're willing to stay while he continues to do drugs and lie. Sadly, this is not a fool proof plan, but it's a start in the right direction if you're not ready to leave him yet.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
      • Max2016
        7 years ago

        I know exactly what you're talking about. How long have you been with him?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • 032801miracle
          7 years ago

          3 years

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Max2016
            7 years ago

            Well, then the truth is, however it may be hard to hear, that the best course of action now for you to do is get out of the relationship. If you've been in a relationship with someone for more than a year and yet you feel you don't know him and cannot fully trust him, there is very low chance of that relationship being successful.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            1
            1
  • FORUMidableFucker
    7 years ago

    Honesty you are either really dumb or tired, take a sleep.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • _Jesus_
    7 years ago

    Are you fat?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • 032801miracle
      7 years ago

      No

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • mysistersshadow
    7 years ago

    Dump his lying ass. Liars never change save yourself the heartache and move on.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0