Is it normal for it to be hard to finish during sex?

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I’m a girl and when I masterbate I can finish by myself just fine but I’ve had sex multiple times and I’ve never finished. I still love having sex and it feels great and I’ve gotten really close but then I start thinking about other things like if he’s enjoying it or if I sound dumb or if my face looks weird (lmao) and lose track and never end up finishing. Anyone else experience this and know how to not have this problem and be able to finish?

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Comments ( 5 )
  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    The studies I've read suggest that something between half and three-quarters of women are unable to reach orgasm by penetrative sex alone. Some women can, but for most, the position of the clitoris relative to the vagina means that thrusting just doesn't deliver enough stimulation. So don't feel like you're a freak, or there's something you're doing wrong.

    What is wrong is that it sounds like when you're with a guy, they never help you to orgasm before they get off. That suggests you've been with guys who are selfish and clueless.

    You know you can reach orgasm, so that's a good start. If you're content with the nice feelings you get during sex with a guy, that's fine too. But if you'd like to reach orgasm during penetrative sex, you need to find a man who's intelligent and secure enough to listen to your suggestions on positions and techniques which give you the stimulation you need.

    Nickvey's suggestions may indeed work, but I suspect they might seem to you a little extreme at this point in your sexual development. Something that I've always enjoyed is when the woman I'm having sex with stimulates herself with her hand. This can work when the guy is on top in the classic missionary position, but it's easier and a lot sexier when the woman sits upright in the cowgirl position.

    If the guy you're with takes your self-stimulation as a personal insult or criticism of his sexual abilities, then he's an ignorant jerk. A good lover gets off on seeing their partner come, no matter how they get there.

    The other issue you raise is self-consciousness. That's pretty normal too, particularly if you're with someone you don't know well, and don't feel totally secure with. If you don't feel free enough to have an orgasm, then you probably won't, no matter how much physical stimulation you get. If you're not getting a good amount of stimulation and you're feeling self-conscious, then it definitely ain't gonna happen.

    People who are totally into sex do look and sound pretty weird. If they're all prim and proper and polite, then it ain't good sex. If you do let yourself go and the guy makes fun of you or says you're weird, then all that proves is that he's an ignorant asshat, and you should ignore his opinions and kick him to the curb.

    Basically, I think there's nothing at all wrong or abnormal about what you describe. I think what you need to do is find a decent guy who cares about the pleasure you're experiencing during sex, is open to a little experimentation, and respects you enough to listen to your feedback about what you're feeling. You also need to have sex in a setting where you feel secure and free to get out of your head, and totally into the physical sensations of sex.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      It’s not that guys haven’t tried its just I’ll get really close then lose track and not be able too. I’ve had guys go down on me for hours trying to get me to finish and I’ll end up just telling them to have sex with me instead bc it’s embarrassing

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      • MissS
        6 years ago

        I have the exact same problem. It's frustrating

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      • Boojum
        6 years ago

        It's good that the men you've been with have done their best. There's no shortage of guys who just don't give a shit.

        It does sound like you're "in your head" a lot when you have sex. Maybe there's a parallel with guys who have erectile dysfunction: once we fail to get an erection or lose one, we start to worry about that happening again, and that makes it much more more likely that it will.

        Men tend to be pretty mechanical when it comes to sexual arousal and orgasm: repetitive stimulation of the frenulum and corona is almost guaranteed to produce an orgasm. My understanding is that what's going on in women's heads during sex is generally a lot more important to them.

        I'm not going to tell you what you should be satisfied with, but you say that you enjoy sex with guys, so why not just roll with that? It would be good if let the guy know that you really enjoy what he's doing for you, but it's not going to get you there, and that's not about what he's doing or not doing. If I went down on a woman for an hour and gave it everything I've got, I'd feel pretty damn deflated (to say the least) if there wasn't a payoff for her. Men also tend to be pretty goal-orientated when it comes to sex, whereas many women can enjoy it a lot even if they don't reach orgasm. That's something men can find hard to understand.

        Maybe if you just go with the flow, enjoy what you're feeling, and try not to stress-out over when and if you're going to come, an orgasm might sneak up from behind and pounce when you least expect it.

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    about 20 percent of all women dont come during sex with men, another 10 percent will never have orgasm. because you can come , you might find relief using restraints and blindfolds on you and anal sex might help. im speaking from a guys experience with women that find it hard to orgasm.

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