Is it normal for husband to only want sex occassionally???

My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years, and married for 13 months. We have a brilliant marriage, until it comes to sex. I realise his health isnt as good as it should be. He is on several different meds for heart disease. His sex drive seems almost non-existant. I have tried everything ie: Revamping my wardrobe, losing weight, wearing expensive perfume, buying Lingerie, and have my nails done regularly. I dress up even though we are not going out, for no other reason than to turn him on. The night before last, I put on a lovely satin gown, did my hair, put makeup on and wore White Diamonds perfume. When I walked into the living room, he commented on how nice I looked, but didnt seem to get the hint. It gets to 9:30, and he says he is going to bed. I asked if he was in the mood, and he said "not tonight, Floss".(Floss is his term of affection for me). "I am absolutely knackered. I promise you will get lucky tomorrow night". So, last night, I went all out to get him going. A little black dress, Pantyhose, stilletos and more White Diamonds, which he has told me he loves the fragrance of. We had had a few drinks. It came to bed time, and he said "Sorry, Floss, I think I have had a couple too many to drink, and my stomach is a little unsettled. Tomorrow night, I promise". I really dont know how much more rejection I can take. He is definitely not having an affair. I even said to him a few weeks ago that if he keeps turning me down, I may haveto have a bit on the side, which I do not want to do, as it would be just for the affection. Every other element of our relationship is top notch. Even telling him this has had no effect. Yet, one of my freinds came to stay that I was honest with my husband that I had slept with him about 20 years ago, and he got jealous. I think this must be a good sign that he does still think the world of me in his own little way.

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Based on 254 votes (115 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • ccjigsaw

    Don't have an affair. I feel like in this situation, maybe it's you that has to change? I don't mean to be a damper, but if he has a low sex drive, then you need to respect that. It's that same if you had a low sex drive, he would have to respect you to. Your married, you can't just go out and cheat. Or atleast you shouldn't. Try to be more understanding with him. As for your personal needs, I know it sucks, but I'd say deal with it! lol Your not going to explode. If that won't work for you, I recommend masterbating. Maybe be try playing with yourself while he's in bed with your or something, it migth get him going. If it doesn't then your getting something for yourself atleast

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  • ThisIsNotAUsername

    Could there be a possibility that your husband is suffering from erectile dysfunction?

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  • Canada48

    I would give my right arm to have a wife who put that kind of effort and enthusiasm into our love life. You are worth your weight in gold. I wish my beautiful but disinterested wife would put a tenth of the effort you do.

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    • mrenville

      I completely agree. Your husband is incredibly lucky to have someone going the distance for him. I have a weakness for a woman wearing pantyhose and he's a fool for ignoring you. If I had a woman who went out of her to wear pantyhose all the time even if just to make me happy, she would be the center of my universe.

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  • Avant-Garde

    He could be depressed. Health issues can take allot out of a person. Medications can also cause many unwanted side-effects. Erectile Dysfunction is a possibility as well. Have you ever asked him if anything was wrong?

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  • Emdep241

    If I were you I would then sit in front of him and start masturbating or doing something in the form of play to turn him on that would definately make him react.

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  • If he has heart health issues...he may be hesitant to participate in sexual activity for the fear of aggravating his cardiac condition...Like an earlier post...I do believe some the side effects of some cardiac medication is erectile dysfunction

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  • I think he's a turd burgler

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  • rayst

    I haven't read the other answers but you should be more "aggresive". Wearing lingerie and perfume is not what turns us on, you have to show him you desire him, not only tell him and wait for him to do something.

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  • galkinam22

    It isn't HORRIBLE, however, it isn't the best thing, you know.

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  • IrritatedWoman

    You are trying too hard. If he doesn't want sex and it's important to you then you have to reevaluate the marriage. If he can't meet you in the middle then he's selfish and you must either go without or ditch him and his excuses.

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  • Tengosoul

    Did you ever asked yourself that he might be gay?

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  • jackd5678

    I think this is very abnormal. Men are programmed to want sex all the tiime.

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  • Meatjuice

    If I was in that situation and my wife did that stuff, I'd be six feet under! I'm 38 and my wife is dead fish. I couldn't get any from her if I tried. I'm almost to the point where I'd have an affair if I can find the right person.

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  • AmandaH22

    I think his meds may have a lot to do with this it may be causing him some erectile problems that he is embarrassed about. You guys need to communicate and get to the bottom of it. It sounds like you have tried everything so just discuss it with him in a nice respectful manner and see what happens

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  • anti-hero

    Depends on how fat you have gotten.

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  • omg12

    Men always want sex, i know that and i am only 16. I dont have a husband of any kind and am kida of slutty so have bf. If i were u i wouldnt remain quiet i would go to him naked start masturbating and then grab his stick out and strt oraly and kinda of make him do it. I wouldnt wait for an answer . He might also be gay though, ge might be afraid to tell u so he just avoids sex. He might be cheating on u aswell...

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  • AxeEffect

    I have been with my fiancee for 3 years. She always wants sex and I rarely do. I don't know why, but I would usually rather just lay down and talk or watch a movie and this always frustrates her.

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  • simba1

    He does not have erectile dysfunction. He has been known to take viagra (which he is not supposed to take due to his heart disease), as he says it gives him more energy even the next day. However, he can perform perfectly well without it. The problem is, when he is in the mood, as we dont have sex often enough, it is over in 30 seconds flat. I told him the other day that if we have sex twice a week (what I consider normal), then that equates to 104 intimate times per year. However, if it drops to once every three weeks, then it drops dramatically to 17 times per year. Thankyou everyone for your input. I really appreciate it.

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  • laymaan

    From a guy, he's cheating on you cuz sex is'nt good and the heart dissease is just an excuse.

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  • john85022

    when you get an answer-TELL ME my wife is the way your husband is-I want it-she uses excuses she is 30 and I am 57---figure that? and I do have ED but I still try and try-use pills-rings-but still nothing from her

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  • Maid_in_Pink

    I'd say taking into consideration age, and health concerns it's possible that his health has taken a toll on his confidence aswell as his physical well being. Men who experience shortness of breath and have low blood flow also can suffer from impotency, it may be his fears of having that happen aswell driving him away from having sex with such a desireable woman. On another note

    I'm a relatively young person and I have a semi-low sex drive compared to most my age. I have gone many weeks without really wanting sex but when I do want to have sex I tend to go all out and have wild fun filled nights that last literally for over 4 hours. He may be like me and it's not anything you can do, but I do have a bit of depression and as it ebbs and flows and my moods change my sex drive does with it aswell.

    that gets me back to his CONFIDENCE! If he's had some rough times and is struggling with his aging it's very possible it has driven him into a depressive state and his body is literally unable to produce the hormones necessary for excitement and arrousal because his mind isn't kicking them on due to his own depression.

    This is something I would consult a psychologist and medical professional on to see if it's something that needs a pill or something you need to sit down with him and have some good quality you and him time to let him know he's loved and has no reason to feel such ways.

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  • orinoco

    Please try to think twice about the following possibility: He has some hook or fetish which he feels he can't let you know (because you would be disgusted or laugh at him - that is what a fetishist fears!). But he needs it for his arousal, so masturbates all the time to this fantasy - and you think his sex drive is low.
    If so, it is not a question of what you put on. You'd have to be truely open for any kind of topic. Never reject spontaneously what may sound strange or weird: Your husband will most certainly test if he has any chance to be accepted by what gets him going. As you know him for a long time already, he will have made his attempts already I fear, and possibly given up after your reaction.
    It need not be like that. But I know two cases where it was exactly like I said.

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  • JustDave

    Have him work you over with a vibrator.

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  • What a typical idiotic women. Every other thing is top notch in the relationship, but come hell or high water you have to find something to complain about. Well "Floss" I say go ahead and have your ridiculous affair with some buffoon who doesnt care about you. At least then your husband can divorce you without it costing him a red cent on grounds of adultery.

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  • NeuroNeptunian

    That totally doesn't sound normal...
    How is it that attractive women who love sex seem to get stuck with men that have no sex drive, but men that have high sex drives tend to get prudes?

    I'm sure you've tried talking to him about this, I'd really like to know if he has a reason?

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    • PumpkinKate

      The last guy I dated had a much lower sex drive than me. But he was super nice, really intelligent, great conversationalist...

      the guys who have wanted to bone me senseless every few hours were never appealing to be around. I guess there's some connection there, or something, like "less horny dudes spend more time developing into decent men".

      Even if that is the case, I would expect a LOT more exceptions to that rule than I've found. I don't get it either.

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      • NeuroNeptunian

        I don't know, I've never really had that much experience with those kind of guys =/ Most of the guys I meet have a good sex drive and are fun to be around or good to intellectually connect with. My husband is the nerdy, intellectual, nice guy type and he's up for it anytime, anywhere.

        Maybe it is because of their low sex drive that they have a higher threshold to respect women, they have the self-control because it was easy to achieve over a relatively non-issue. Either way, I don't know how she puts up with it. I couldn't live a happy life with a man that won't put out at LEAST once a day.

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