Is it normal for him to chat up other girls?

48% Normal
12 Comments

Me and my ex were together for 5 years, and then broke up two years ago. I was the one who initiated the split, as I felt too young for the level of commitment that we were at (he wanted to get married). Since then, we have continued hanging out together just as much as before (when I'm home from Uni) and sleeping together, but when I'm at University we aren't together. He's always wanted to get back with me, and he hasn't slept with anyone else since we split, although I have (when I'm at University). This might seem an unconventional relationship, but it's worked for us, although he does get angry and jealous sometimes. We'd always kind of assumed that we'd get back together after Uni, well, I graduated a few months ago and since I've been home we've been sleeping together and having a really great time. We hadn't discussed whether we were together exclusively.

Then, last week, he asked me to promise to only be with him this summer, until I go away again to start an MA at a new university only half an hour away from him. He asked me to promise to be exclusive to him until then, with the suggestion being that we would get together again properly and possibly marry when I am settled at my new uni, and I readily agreed.

So yesterday I'm at his house on his computer while he's at work, and this facebook message from a girl pops up (he'd left himself logged in). Apparently he'd chatted her up on the train the week before and then FB messaged her and she was responding to her message. I checked the dates of the messages, and he'd literally taken me to the train station, put me on a train, kissed me and told me that he loved me, got onto his train, and started chatting up some other girl. I'm not exaggerating, I saw him get on the train next to mine and his train journey is only ten minutes long! Meaning he must have started hitting on her immediately. 3 days after he made me promise to be exclusive to him.

Am I right to be pissed off about this? is it normal for him to do this after saying he only loves me and desperately wants me back and saying that we are together this summer?

Voting Results
48% Normal
Based on 27 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I personally think you deserve it. You're stepping all over this guys heart. "He gets jelouse" because you sleep with guys while you're in university, and you get jelouse cause he messaged a girl from the bus? He's wanted to be exclusivly with you for a very long time, b ut that didn't stop you. So why should it stop him? Your "relationship" doesn't seem very serious anyways.

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    A couple of things stood out. You talk about him sometimes being angry and jealous. Are you sure he hasn't slept with other people while you were away? It strikes me that if he's the jealous type then he wouldn't tell you about it (in order to hold his fidelity against you, and hopefully stop you sleeping with other people).

    In this is so, perhaps he's become used to the duality of being in a relationship and not being in one and it's become normal behaviour to pursue other women. I'm not accusing him of anything; this is all merely supposition.

    What I'm trying to highlight is that maybe the nature of your relationship has made things difficult. Perhaps he even feels rejected or resentful at you sleeping with other people and would consider his behaviour to be justified.

    Personally, I don't think it is justified. If he wants exclusivity from you, he has to give the same. But I do think this is a little different than if you'd always had a conventional relationship.

    You have a right to be angry and you deserve an explanation, though, because you've been lied to.

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  • Lastchild725
    11 years ago

    Without putting it in a cruel tone, your using him. Is it normal for him to be talking to other women? yes, in fact, its encouraged.

    Put yourself in his position, things might be a lot more clear as to why some people on here responded like they did.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    Why were you on his facebook?

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  • curiouskate101
    11 years ago

    personally i think HES the one who should be mad. you broke up with him after 5 years . and now u slept with other men knowing that you can date him when u want again. and ur only gonna stay esculsive to him for the summer? u sound like a whore to me and it doesnt sound like love at all!! u cant determine the lenght of ur love. sounds like u just want to string him along becuz u like the attention he gives u and u want to keep ur options open.

    seriously u should really be asking is it normal to only wanna stay exculsive with a guy for the summer and go back to being used by guys who only wanna borrow my vagina.. the answer is HELLS NO!! hes not cheating hes just thinking of his future becuz he knows he doesnt have one with u. ur gonna regret letting him go i promice u that. one day when u finally realize what u had. hes gonna realize who u never were. the one. and he will find a girl who knew it all along and doesnt toy with his emotions. you dont deserve him. either grow up and realize what you have or let him go so he can move on . u know he doesnt deserve this

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Yo it's been four years and I just saw this, but I just wanted to shout out that I don't regret it at all.

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  • ExcessiveBDSM
    11 years ago

    You deserve it if he is cheating on you. Thats fucking cruel to break up with him... Any who if he's anything like me he just has chick friends. If you really want him back hold your head down lie on him and say sorry. He'll know it's genuine if it is.

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  • pambambam
    11 years ago

    too long for me to read

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    i jizz on other girls

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  • squeallikeasacofpigs
    11 years ago

    Sounds like you guys are just fuck buddies. And he's just keeping his options open.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    He flirted (or maybe just being friendly with a female), and you had sex with another person...You're supposed to be the angry one?...Moving on.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Well, if he hadn't said we were exclusive, I wouldn't have a leg to stand on and I wouldn't be angry. He didn't have to say that to me. I never cheated on him, and I've only slept with other people when we've been broken up, and broken up for a while as well. It's not really his business what I do when we are apart, or mine what he does when we're apart either. However, when we've said that we ARE together, as we did, I consider it an attempt to cheat.

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