Is it normal for her to always want to be with her friends?

47% Normal
4 Comments

I am a 30 year old guy. I am dating a 31 year old girl. This is new territory for me in that I got out of a serious long term relationship about a year ago.

I have been dating this new girl for quite some time (several months, greater than 5); and while I am 'casual' in any relationship in the beginning as I get to know someone, I am ultimately looking for a 'partner' at this stage in my life. I make this time despite a lack of finances and time originating from graduate school; and here lies my questions . . .

If I were to average out the time we spend together, I would say that 3/4 the time is spent with me, her, and '+ one' of her friends (her friends consisting of either a couple or a single guy friend- she seems to collect guy friends as she is somewhat of a tomboy . . .). For instance, our last 4 dates we went to (1) a wedding with her friends, (2) a flag football game she is in with her friends, (3) dinner with her friends, and (4) 'movie night' with her friends.

She has known these people, as far as I am discern, since 'the beginning of time.' Is this normal behavior for a 31 year old woman? I have attempted to articulate my worries. For instance, 'why does it feel like I'm dating you and your friends.' I have tried to tactfully describe how I know her friends after 6 months as well as I know her. That when I take my limited time and resources to spend time with you, and your 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th wheels are with us, an opportunity is lost to have a real 'date.' Essentially, what is left is a 'group meeting.'

As I see it, and I am not some doctor or psychoanalyst, nor am I studying that field, but she is putting up a wall. Whenever there is a chance to be close, here friends are there. Whenever there is a chance to grow with her, her friends are there. There just is a lacking of intimacy at this point both emotionally and physically that one would expect to have after six months of dating. I feel she walls me up and boxes me as 'one of the gang.'

Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 31 year old woman to not only have but spend such a large portion of time with these friends? Once I graduate, a few years down the road, I would like to find someone to share my life and success with. You know, the old cheesy 2.5 kids, the shaggy dog, and the white picket fence? Is this a normal outlook for me? This girl says she wants the same things, but to me her actions speak otherwise. Is my logic and thought process normal?

Have any guys experienced this? Are there any ladies that see things differently? Should I continue to attempt to make this connection? Should I run?

If you have gotten this far, and I realize that is a big if, I would appreciate any comments.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 45 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Johnnytherat
    10 years ago

    tell her to read this... everything you posted, if she still doesn't take you seriously then move on. she obviously means something to you if you took the time to type all this out. tell her to read this too.. HEY BITCH THIS GUY WANTS YOU 4 THE LONG RUN.

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  • ccjigsaw
    10 years ago

    She just sounds like she has a healthy social life to me. If I were in her shoes, you'd be a man that wasn't worth keeping around if none of my friends/family liked you. She's probably "hazing" you. Making sure you are a good fit in her life in most aspects. It's important to make sure that someone is perfect if what your potentially looking at is a family. If it's taking 6 months to figure this out, you might want to step up your game or assess yourself and see what might be displeasing. Do you get along with said friends, or just tag along? Not to say that you're not being a good boyfriend, but she's probably being cautious. They say the best person to marry is your bestfriend, she sounds like a good girl. If you don't match on more than a romantic level it might not work long term

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    Yes, it is completely normal for you not to be the only important person in her life.

    However, I do sympathise with you for not being able to make a connection with the person you care about. Tell her how you feel, because I think if she is normal she will sympathise with you. Don't be afraid to break up if she doesn't make you happy, because you don't need to settle with someone who doesn't fulfil you.

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  • Energy
    10 years ago

    I would love that. I have a tough times making friends myself, and if I had a social partner like that I would definitely benefit. It sounds like it's not for you though. You don't sound happy.

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