Is it normal for guys to not commit because of other priorities?

12 Comments

I've been hearing so many opinions about this and I really need a valid answer. Some people including guys will say "if he really wants you he will make the time and effort to be with you in a relationship." Others including guys will say "Guys have other priorities especially in their 20s and can't make that time for that girl like he would like to. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want you. He probably wants you and if you see that and be patient about it, everything will work out." So especially at guys, what's the truth? I guess it depends on the person, too. Maybe some are able to handle both. My guy for example, he's more boy ish and not that emotional. So he's really concentrated on his goals like pursuing his career, buying his own house, pursuing his pilot certification and all these things, especially he was in a relationship in his early years so I guess now he has his chance to be free and do him but he still wants to stay in touch with me. He did admit he is really selfish right now and wants do everything he wants first before he gives his own time to someone else and kids. He's 27 so I guess he is feeling pressure that time is running out. I'm 22 so I do have all the time in the world still. So do I go with the flow like he says he wants and means it because he does want me? Because I am willing to wait for him at the moment. I rather wait for him than jump into a relationship with someone I don't love. Or considering he doesn't want me officially right now cause of these goals are just excuses so I should just move on? Girls sometimes can be very demanding and impatient and chase away what couldv'e been something great because they couldn't understand where the guy was from coming from. I don't want to do that. I want to make sure I give every opportunity a chance.
So what's the real deal when the guy says he has other priorities at the moment?

Wait and don't pressure him cause he does want you but has priorities 6
Move on, if he really does want you he'll make the time 11
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Comments ( 12 )
  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    My question to you is what are you doing for yourself? It's not your job to be at his beckon call. You're still quite young so if anyone ought to be selfish is thinking of their future it's you.

    I wouldn't take anyone seriously who isn't willing to commit. Certainly you have better things to do than pine away for Mr. Not Right Now, I'm Busy.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I'm not JUST waiting for him. I'm doing my own thing too which is why we both haven't pursued a real relationship. When I say wait I mean just going with the flow and doing the best we can to stay in touch and not just give up. If we both still have feelings for each other, we want to stay in touch. If we didn't have feelings anymore then wed move on. But our thing is we don't want to move on just cause we can't make it work right now. As long as we still have feelings for each other we want to stay in touch.
      He's mentioned he doesn't have any other girl or talks to anyone else by choice. So he is committed to me in a way.
      I hear stories from couples of like 7 years and more and say they just never gave up no matter the circumstances. If the feelings were there then they would make the best of it. Of course it sucks right now in the moment but I'm trying to stay positive and hope that we will end up together in the future. If our feelings fade away then that's when its time to move on.

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      • blackbarbie
        9 years ago

        The difference between what you've described and those other couples is that both parties must be equally committed. It sounds as though you and this guy aren't even dating, because he doesn't have time and is pursuing his career? When my husband and I started dating I was young and in undergrad, he's a bit older and was working - out of the country, pursuing his dream of a career that can only be pursued in youth. He pressured me to transfer to a university near him, but I was also living my academic dream and unwilling to do that. It took compromise and respect on both of our parts - we were long distance for years. YEARS! Being away from your boyfriend every Valentines Day sucked. Taking 10 hour flights to see him over holiday breaks that he didn't share sucked. It worked because we BOTH respected the other's dreams, but more importantly because we wanted to be together. There wasn't a wait until later, it was a let's be together now even if it's on less than ideal terms. Those things are key.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    9 years ago

    Don't wait for him. There are plenty of men out there who will go out of their way for a good relationship and there are some men who consider a good relationship to be one where she fits right into his life. He isn't boyish- pursuing your goals before pursuing a relationship is very mature of him but if you were that special to him, you wouldn't be on the backburner. If a woman comes along who meshes into his lifestyle and is able to support him from his side, not from a distance, bet money he'd pursue her.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      But like I said below, I'm also pursuing my own goals and therefore not looking for a relationship right now but just a real commitment with each other while we both pursue our goals. So its okay if I "wait" for him because im not gonna walk away from someone I really like and jump into a relationship w someone else I don't like as much just cause he was willing to be in a relationship. My real question is he just making excuses cause he doesn't want me or I should just understand where hes coming from and have some patience cause he does want me but can't at the moment?
      I didn't mean pursuing his goals is boyish. I actually like that he wants to be successful first which is why also I'm willing to wait. What I meant by boyish is when we start talking bout these things he doesn't express much emotion or intimacy.

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    • RoseIsabella
      9 years ago

      I'm with you Neuro.

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  • AlphaQ
    9 years ago

    Hes just playing hard to get or really not that interested. Sit him down. Just be honest with him. Then you will have your answer.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I have talked to him already and every time we talk about whether he likes me enough to stay in touch, he doesn't tell me its over. So either he doesn't want to get rid of me cause he does like me or he doesn't want to get rid of me so he has someone around so basically using me. He says he hasn't talked to anyone and doesn't have anyone by choice not only cause he's into me but because he's too busy to even bother with girls in general. So I trust him w that but it hurts me to think he just wants to keep me around and then when he finds someone worth it he's gonna leave me. But like I said "think"...maybe I'm just mind-fucking myself and thinking too much that he is telling the truth that he doesn't want a relationship right now but he does like me so he's staying in touch w me to not lose me completely.
      All I want him to do is to be honest w me and put a little more effort although he has. He's come and see me when I thought that was entirely impossible and he talks to me and says sweet things that I wouldn't expect him to say. If he keeps doing this knowing he's not playing w me then ill be good. Its okay if he doesn't wanna be w me cause he's focused on his work, that's actually attractive as opposed to a guy who's always involved w girls and that's all he cares about. But like I said, as long as he's not playing me. I just wanted to know if this is normal for a guy to do and apparently its not but I feel like it is. People are too demanding in their relationships today that if theyre not their main priority then its ove . Don't wanna think just about myself

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  • poon__jabber
    9 years ago

    he's trying to let you down easy.. forget him!!!!!!!

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  • blackbarbie
    9 years ago

    There's truth in both perspectives, depending on the people and circumstances. However, at 27 he should be able to pursue both a fulfilling career and a relationship. You mention him not being ready for a relationship but wanting to "keep in touch". If keeping in touch means occasional dates, sex, and other benefits of a relationship, simply shared on an intermittent basis I see that as a slippery slope, and I wonder how you can truly love someone whom you haven't really experienced. It is perhaps more infatuation than love. You are too young to be waiting around for someone who isn't interested enough to be with you. I don't have a ton of experience with multiple relationships , but I do know that when two people are serious about being together they won't risk losing one another for much of anything.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thee are a few things you mentioned that convinces me to move on but there also things u said that confuse me because it makes me think we are on the right track.
      He is 27 but he just graduated from college so its kind of like he is living his early twenties a little late so he's on the same path as I am. But because he is 27 he prob feels behind and pressured to just get his career going as fast as he can.
      Then, i also feel like if anyone is ruining the whole thing is me. I don't entirely blame myself because ya I do feel good confronting him about a lot of things I had to get off my best but at the same time he rarely complains to me. So if it wasn't for my constant Debbie downer, I think you can say were both on the same page of how much we wanna be together. Once I moved back home from college I didn't expect him to stay in touch and try to see me. But he was the one to make sure we stayed in touch.so when you said two people who wanna be together and not risk losing each other, I think us staying in touch when we weren't even together officially in the first place is choosing to not take that risk. We could've easily just walk away and move on since it wasn't like a real break up or anything but we still, especially him, made the intitiaion and effort to see each other. Don't you think that proves ur last sentence? Or staying in touch and seeing each other wasn't good enough and doesn't prove that we don't want to risk losing each other?

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    That's total bullshit. If you really love someone, you make the time for them. PERIOD. No matter what ur other commitments are, if you are in love, you move the sky and stars themselves for them. Re arranging ur schedule is child's play compared to that lol

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