Is it normal for grown men to throw tantrums when u put off a meet up?

I've noticed a trend lately. Occasionally I'll meet a man when I'm out and about, they'll seem nice and normal, we'll have a conversation and exchange numbers. Over the course of the convo, I'll explain that I have a ridiculously busy schedule right now as I've returned to college full time with a very demanding major that requires a huge amount of field work, and I also work full time. I'll tell them I pretty much have no time for a social life, not even "drinks" or "coffee" within the school semester - it's like I'm away in the military or something. They'll say they "understand", promise not to blow up my phone, we'll part ways, and within the day they'll text asking to "meet up sometime" (not even giving a specific date - this is important later). I'll say that sounds good, but remind them I'm very busy and will let them know when I'm not. They'll say they "understand", and then call or text again within a few days. When I remind them again (always very politely) about my lack of availability and tell them I'll get back to them in a few weeks after midterms maybe (which is truly quite a concession for me), they freak out and throw a b*tch-fit tantrum, texting back the rudest, whiny, transparent waa-waa rant filled with insults that no one, man, woman, peer, family member, boss, child, or stranger has ever dared say to my face. I can almost see them spinning around on the floor, kicking and screaming and pinwheeling in the fetal position, crying with their fists balled up and ranting about sour grapes. The book of baggage they're unloading over feeling rejected (and I never even say no) invariably ends with "lose my number". It's pretty shocking how upset and angry they get. This is some thin-skinned cowardly behavior, and if I didn't experience it myself, I wouldn't believe it, but you can't make this stuff up.

I'm finally prioritizing me first over putting men in my life first and sacrificing for them at the expense of my own self-improvement. I really don't care if someone doesn't respect my time or what I'm trying to do in my life - I have no time for anyone who doesn't understand how I live my life, doesn't care to try, and just demands I bow to their whims. I have no regrets getting rid of toxic, selfish babies like this and am glad they're out of my life ASAP, but I was wondering - is it normal for guys to get this butt-hurt when a girl they want to meet up with is too busy to see them at the exact drop-of-a-hat moment when they snap their fingers, and then shoot off a cowardly book-long text message filled with acidic insults ending with "lose my number"? This has happened three or four times just in the last few months.

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36% Normal
Based on 28 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • EccentricWeird

    Women think it's perfectly alright to dick with any man they find, I reckon because the flattery gets to their heads and there aren't any real consequences.

    1. When you make an appointment with somebody, you keep the fucking appointment. If you miss the fucking appointment, outside of your grandmother being in the hospital or you getting suddenly sick, you deserve to be yelled at.

    2. When you pick up a guy who's obviously interested in fucking you, don't give them your number if you have no intention of seeing them within a reasonable amount of time (or ever) for whatever reason.

    3. If you bit off more than you could chew, cut your losses and tell them that you're too busy to see anyone at this point in your life. Don't keep pushing deadlines for weeks, keeping him waiting like a dog out in the rain the whole time. Guys often don't have nearly as many options as women, and for most of us it's hard enough just to get noticed at all.

    4. Finally, and this is most important... girls, if you're not fucking interested in a guy, then have the ovaries to just fucking tell them "I'm not interested in you, sorry" and leave it at that. Reasonable men cannot fault you for simply not being interested, but you most certainly can be faulted for stringing them along negligently for weeks on end. The only man who would get angry at you for saying you're not interested from the get-go is irrational and potentially dangerous. These men exist, but if you start treating all men like these brutes then you will get an equal amount of disrespect in return.

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    • Good point, and I never intended to lead anyone on, nor did I change my behavior to punish all men for the immature reactions of these oddballs.

      I do know the difference between flirting and being polite, and the difference between being firm yet polite, and being a b****. I've had to go to all levels of that type of thing when encountering men at bars, for example. I know when my behavior is "too nice" or unnecessarily abrasive, and I can gauge it pretty well. I'm usually being normal/non-flirty/polite in these situations, and every time *they* would profess that they had no designs on me that were romantic or even urgent in nature. It would have been more honest of them to say they'd really like to take it further and clarify they were hoping for a "date" later, not just to talk and be friends. I thought that was fishy too, but I did the naïve thing and actually took what they were saying at their word.

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      • EccentricWeird

        I am man, hear me roar! In numbers too big to ignore!

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  • Avant-Garde

    I'm sorry that these men all have issues. It might be best if you stop giving your number out. If they why, tell them that you don't have the time, etc.

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    • Thank you for your sympathy, and point taken. I'm just going to tell anyone in that situation that the phone they see me on is a company phone, and I'm not allowed to give out the number, and that I don't have my own phone, tell them I'm busy and will not be doing anything social until next year, and give them my not-used-much e-mail address to contact me if I think they might be sincere, and a totally fake e-mail address if I think they might not be.

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      • megadriver

        The "men" you dated, weren't men. They were pussies.
        A real man copes with everything. If I wanted to spend time with a busy girl that studies a lot, I'd even say "Hey, let's study together". It will work.

        And it is understandable that everyone is busy. I feel the same way when I'm busy and a girl texts me that I have no interest in her... I've actually had a girl text me "Where are you? You say you got to work and study, but I am sure that you are with some bitch! Or you are washing your fucking car again!"
        I dated her for about a month and then we parted. I am not going to fuck up my job and my semester, just so I can fuck her.
        Both the man and the woman should make some compromises for the thing to work, but constantly bitching to go out is stupid.

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        • That makes total sense. And men have said that, and I have done that.

          The problem is, every time it turns into them making a move on me anyway. Even if I have tried everything to make it clear I am not interested, or if I have a boyfriend at the time, to reiterate that fact.

          I guess I have to be meaner to people so that they don't mistake my friendliness for romantic or sexual interest. I honestly can't recall a time when this hasn't happened, and even though it is nice to be found attractive, it's kind of depressing to not be able to function in a normal realm with a guy, or for it just to be a matter of time before the inevitable, uncomfortable pass is made.

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          • megadriver

            No. I didn't say be meaner. Cause being rude and telling the dude that wants to get to know you a bit "Fuck off perv" is not cool.
            But you should know what you want. Do you want to date the guy or not? Do you like him or not. And if you don't want to date him, tell him (calmly) that you are not interested.
            Though it seems that you attract a lot of shitty guys. Just don't treat all men like these losers.

            Also, don't keep a man just waiting. If you have no time for a relationship, tell him. If the guy is sensible, he will understand. But keeping a man waiting, like a child in front of a toy car store, every day for months is just bad.

            Don't diss us guys off completely. We have feelings to you know? XD
            Cause in the end: The way you treat people is the way they will treat you.

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            • Great advice and you make a lot of good points. Thank you. Btw, I'd never say anything so rude unless it was unquestionably necessary and appropriate. It's hard for me nonot to try to please people & be kind because it's part of my nature so strongly that it hurts to say no or disappoint others' wishes sometimes, but I know it's necessary to set boundaries to get what I want as well. I just want everyone to be happy, but I know that's really on the individual anyway.

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      • Avant-Garde

        Your welcome. I hope it all works out.

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  • dybex

    You're a weirdo magnet. Sorry for you dude. I am too. I usually piss myself laughing when it happens, but I can see how it might be creepy if you're a girl.

    Stop giving out your number to strangers if you can't deal with that sort of thing. You seem to have the right attitude about it which is good.

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    • I agree with the weirdo magnet comment.

      I am glad I have perspective on it to not let it really affect any aspects of my life.

      I feel really bad when I'm reluctant about giving out my number when someone asks for it who was acting nice, but after this treatment and apparent lack of good judgment on my part, I've changed my tune. Instead I've been giving out a not-very-often-used e-mail address saying that I never answer my phone, or that my phone number is a business number shared by other people. Then I never see them again and I never have to wonder if they're a weirdo or not.

      Also, if they were serious about "working on a project" or some other such excuse they were talking about in terms of getting in touch, they'll write to the e-mail with something legit. If they never write, that's fine, I always forget about them by the time we part ways anyway.

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      • robbieforgotpw

        I don't throw tantrums but I will shart myself in protest

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        • RoseIsabella

          *releases a little froggy sounding fart* Ploop.

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  • hairyfairy

    These so called men are just spoilt children!

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    • Yes, apparently. And it's hard to believe they are used to getting what they want by acting that way. It must have succeeded somehow at some point, or they wouldn't keep doing it. What I want to know is who in the past put up with that behavior from them to let them think it's okay to do that.

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  • MissesAnonymous23

    Sounds like they're mamas boys which entitles them to get everything they want. Sorry you have to go through that!

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    • I don't know about that, I never got to know them well enough to even know details about their family. And after what happens, I'm pretty glad I didn't. I'm fine with not knowing what ever happened to them. It's one of those things where if I never see them again, it will be too soon.

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  • "they'll seem nice and normal"

    They always do...................

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  • thegypsysailor

    Sounds to me that these assholes are the losers here.
    Keep on keeping on and sooner or later you might meet a guy with two ears to hear you when you say you are very busy and time together will be occasional for some time to come.
    The way it works best is if you talk and they actually listen, don't you think?

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    • Yes, I think that does work best. Logic, however, doesn't seem to be a trait these people follow, especially if they lack maturity in some way.

      Glad that's not the way everyone is!

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals

    Put yourself in a serially rejected man's shoes. They see a recurring pattern of wishy washy replies giving them false hopes and can't take it any longer. If you mean no,say no. They'll probably be pissed off too but at least you didn't give false hopes.

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    • Absolutely. Like I said, I clearly state in no uncertain terms when I'm not interested, but it seems they aren't listening at the time or they'll dismiss it saying they were interested in me as a person, or sometimes even that I was kind of vain to assume that. Then I still get the tantrum. :(

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