Is it normal for girls to behave this way in a relationship

Okay, so I got into an argument with her over the phone. And then the conversation went okay until we started talking about some past things, and then I noticed the tone of her voice. And then that triggered my reaction, which was an outburst.

When we talk about issues and old stuff, I'm usually calm until she gets defensive. And I'm not afraid to talk about what I did wrong until I notice that the other person is just only willing to point out what I'm doing wrong, and then I attack back. And then the idea of communication ends there.

And It's sick how you can't talk to a person about an issue or a problem without them getting hypersensitive and nasty. She usually feels threatened and bullied when you talk to her, and then you feel backed into a corner because anything you say back to her, will make her feel even more angrier.

And it's been this way since I met her, so I slowly became this way as well. So we began to clash.

Couples don't usually communicate, and I tried to be open about what bothers us. But that would lead us into pointing fingers, and heated arguments.

I admit when I'm doing something wrong but when the other person doesn't accept it, and continues to twist my actions, and create the illusion that there's something more, things build up inside of me.

And she'd admit when she was wrong (rarely, because of her pride and ego) but she'd make excuses, and act as if what I was doing was 10x's worst.

I shameless put myself out there over and over again because I wanted this person to trust that I'm being real with them but I only ended up with the shorter end of the stick every time.

She say it's me, and I know I'm not perfect, and I do mess up like any person. But with her, it feels like walking on eggshells. You say one thing wrong, anything wrong, and she has to reply with some technical response, causing you to react with hostility. And then that sparks an argument.

And last night, I snapped. I cursed at her, and hung up on her on the phone.

I found myself trying and trying to wonder what's wrong with me, beating myself up, wondering if I really am saying things to offend her but I became tired of readjusting my attitude for her, and it not working. I'd even ask her if I changed, and she'd say "No".

I would purposely behave perfect, what I thought she'd be more comfortable with, to see if that's how I should act. But still, I found myself becoming insecure and depressed about my personality, wondering if there was something really wrong with me.

I'm usually a person who's angry at the time, and I won't say anything because I don't always speak up for myself. So it builds up, and it becomes an outburst.

I know I'm immature and have my own issues but this person never admit theirs, and pretend that they're always thinking logical or rational.

We're both 22, btw.

Voting Results
51% Normal
Based on 41 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • MelanieSantos

    brings back memories -_-

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  • kit-kat-bar

    you guys will not work out because you are different, doesnt mean that you dont love or care for each other but sometimes you are just too different, especialy if you both are not willing to change due to the fact that that is how you are

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  • sYki

    Wow, I had a huge 5 paragraph essay typed out about my experience with this it was like maybe 11000 to 15000 words but didn't want to make it about me so I saved a notepad of it lol. Let just say I can relate to this in my own experience. It sucks.

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    • xxMJSxx

      No, go ahead and post it. I'll read anything that relates to the topic, I want to know other people's experiences.

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  • Terence_the_viking

    You are falling in to her trap she wants you to blow your top so she can point out your faults etc.

    Woman is playing mind games with you and you are losing.

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  • manii92

    Omg!!.. I really cannot believe this post.. You described my relationship with my boyfriend exact!!!.. My bf will do something and not take ANY responsibility for it and actually turn it around on me.. I'm 20 he's 22.. I understand u 100%!! It's exhausting being with someone like that.. I used to wonder and beat myself up like it was my fault when I knew it wasn't.. But I came to realize that I don't have to change for anyone's liking.. Yes we all have flaws but we also have our own personalities and for another person to come along and change you for their personal pleasure is wrong.. And yes anger does build up.. I knw exactly how you feel.. I knw this post is long lol it's just I can't stress how much I connect with u about this

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    • xxMJSxx

      Yea, I know. I never wanted to change her because I knew she was set in her ways, I just wanted us to grow to understand eachother. But I felt like nothing I could do would make her not get angry. Any little word I'd say, she'd make it seem as if I was ruining the conversation. And it at least takes her an hour or a day to forgive you, and I felt that was childish. I never tell her exactly how I feel because at the same time, considering how easily she feels attacked, I think she'd want to call things off right then and their. So I just held back, and had no confidence and felt tense and insecure in our conversations. There's never a time I really heard her apologize for anything, she'd just say how what I did was way worst. I'd forgive her right then in there but after doing it so much, and having hold her things against me in every conversation we had, I started to hold things as a grudge towards her. And once I became that way, she'd then see me for who I see her as, and then she'd make it seem like I was this unforgiving person. It's childish mind games, and it pushed me over the edge.

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  • xxMJSxx

    Like when we have conversations, and I can't give a direct answer right away because I have to think things through or I may not know the answer, she'd get upset. Yet, I'd never force her to know something she doesn't. And if she cared to know, I try to explain. She wants others to behave exactly how she behaves towards them but everyone isn't like her. I have manners and I respect people but I'm not her. She's very unforgiven too. Once you strike a nerve of hers, she holds that single thing against you. Its childish. I'm insecure and sensitive but I don't hold every little thing she says against her. I was comfortable enough with her where as though I could like my flaws. Maybe I should've l reminded her beautiful she was, and comforted her more. But it still felt as if I had to be super careful about whatever I said to her.

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    • MsWVgal

      There have been times in my relationship where each of us taken each of the roles you described. I found that there are sometimes when I have had to say "look, i know you dont mean to, but this bothers me. I love you, but please stop." There have been times hes told me "you just cant do that, it hurts me and I don't want to feel hurt around you."

      Finally, there are times when one of us has said "look, I love you, but this has to stop. Period. If this continues, I'm leaving, because its not worth sacrificing my self esteem."

      The best way for us is to hit the problem head on. Say you dont like it, that its damaging to your relationship. But don't attack her - confront the behavior. Ride out the storm, stick your ground, make surr to remind her how much you care about her. It works for us, but you need to decide your specific approach. You also need to decide what you are willing to sacrifice for this girl if she wont quit - are you willing to sacrifice other relationships? Your dignity? Your sense of self worth? Find the line, and draw it clearly for yourself.

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  • TheBunnie

    My brother has the same issues with his sort-of girlfriend. He's very compromising, agreeable and friendly but of course he can get a temper. She's exactly how you described your own girlfriend as "walking on eggshells", you have this uncomfortable edgy feeling with just talking to people like that because they are overly sensitive and anal. I find her hard to talk to for the same reasons, it's like you can never be right in their eyes no matter what you do. So we definitely understand where you're coming from with this. I understand it takes two people to fight, but it sounds to me like she has to get over herself. Her ego seems like it's making it impossible to talk to her without things turning into an argument.

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