Is it normal for feelings to change like this?

82% Normal
11 Comments

I want to know if anyone else experiences this;
You think you really like someone and you might get along really well and could see each other together. But then after a little while your feelings start to change and you feel all confused and start to doubt whether you like them in the first place, and then might not end up liking them at all~ and feel like running away and never dealing with them again :(

this has happened to me numerous times and I don't know why. it might have prevented a few relationships from happening too.

anyone know anything more about this? does this happen to many people?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 57 votes (47 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    It could likely be do to your attachment style. Read this article on Attachment Theory and romantic relationships; it might explain a lot for you. Attachment Theory is something which has been studied by psychologists for decades and these theories are sound. This article presents the basic theories and how they affect romantic relationship in an understandable way - it's worth the read. :)

    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/relationship-issues/attachment-styles.html

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    • paradox90
      11 years ago

      Great article! thank you!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      thank you so much for this! I thought it would be because of something like that, but didn't know how to go about finding the information. very helpful and interesting, thanks:)

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        My pleasure. It's something I learned about in school in a developmental psychology class. Although, it was a bit challenging to find an online article which discussed it in a way that would make sense and be relevant to your situation.

        People are able to improve their attachment style to that of a secure attachment. Usually, it happens when they are feeling secure in general about their entire life; they are with someone who is patient and can tolerate some hurtful behaviour; and they have to be aware and willing to work through negative feelings.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          mm, I see. I read over the descriptions and felt surely that my mother would have given me the 'secure' style. However I have felt that she was a bit overprotective, but not as bad as some parents.
          Maybe it had more to do with my father- he wasn't always around when I was a child due to his drug abuse, in and out of rehab etc. which caused my parents to split when I was 5. Growing up I learnt what things not to tell my mum about when I was with my dad so that she wouldn't worry, which is characteristic of anxious or preoccupied child.

          Another thing- the first guy I dated which this happened with and ended due to this change of heart was a few years ago now, and I have become a lot happier and confident in myself, so I really wonder why I could still feel this way. Maybe it will take the right kind of guy. and with regards to the one I started dating recently, I certainly got this feeling a day or two after our first date and was afraid of ever continuing to contact him again until he spoke to me which made me more at ease, and now I'm trying to go with the flow and not think about things too much. I don't want to continue to change my feelings like this D:

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  • paradox90
    11 years ago

    OMG!!!!!! I think that this is what happened to a girl I dated recently. Are you a girl?
    Do you experience a sudden change? Or it is kind of a gradual one? This is very interesting, yet so dissapointing for the other part... you think that the other person has feelings for you, and then... she/he fades away.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I am in fact a girl. I don't have much relationship experience to be honest but i know the very first guy I decided to be 'in a relationship' with lasted less than a week- because of this. Yes the feeling that came over was very sudden, and was actually triggered by someone else mentioning our relationship, just in a casual way. I suddenly thought of our relationship differently and felt very uncomfortable and if I remember correctly I literally tried to erase him from my life; not speaking to him at all and i was going to block him on fb (he did nothing wrong!) but after a few pondering days I just told him it wouldn't work and we stayed friends.
      I may have changed now though, I am a happier and more confident person and I don't want to play with peoples' feelings like that, even if I can't help it.
      I just started dating a guy and I'm really anxious it'll happen again, but I'm trying to be more laid-back about it and not think about things too much, just let things happen..

      sorry that was long I just thought I'd explain. do you never get concerned about how you feel about someone? is it so straight-forward that you just know you love them and it doesn't change?

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      • paradox90
        11 years ago

        Hello! Don't worry about the long posts, I like to read. Moreover, this subject is interesting to me. So if you need to add details, go on!

        "do you never get concerned about how you feel about someone? is it so straight-forward that you just know you love them and it doesn't change?"

        I don't have much experience in relationships either (I'm 23). But yes, sometimes I get concerned about my feeling towards a woman. However, if I don't like her, in general, I realize that after a few dates, regardless of having or not having sex. Nevertheless, one thing is true: stupidity, in my case, is a gigantic turn off. If she is incredibly hot, but has a peanut instead of a brain, I won't like her. Period.
        As you see, my realization is more like a gradual one, I mean, my feelings CAN change... but I can give explanations about it (i.e. her kisses did not fascinate me, our lifestyle differs too much, etc.). What you experience are sudden changes, right? and it seems that you can't help it. I don't think you should feel guilty, that being the case. And telling the guy that "it wouldn't work" was the best thing you could do, it shows maturity and respect for the counterpart, IMO.
        It is impossible to determine how much love will last -sometimes it endures for years, sometimes for days- so we should enjoy it whilst it lives.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Sadly, I think a lot of people have been on the receiving end, like you have. I know I certainly have; it went from intense love which seemed like it could last a lifetime to absolutely nothing, virtually overnight. It's funny because these people who do this appear to be aware they do it and some will even tell you upfront they are bad in relationships, but they also make you feel that you might be the one to change them.

      Hehehe, do you think you'll start asking the girls you date what their early childhood relationship was like with their mothers?

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      • paradox90
        11 years ago

        Ha! I doubt so! Well, now that I think about it, I usually ask them for their relationship with their parents... but from now on I will keep in mind this article. The types of attachment described are really interesting.

        This case of mine was the first with HUGE incoherences. As you say, it seems that her feeling went from intense lust/love to nothing at all in a brief period of time... nonsense. Still waiting to my friend in common to ask her what the hell happened. I'm sure that this story is over. I just wanna know why...

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago

    I was this way with everyone I dated, except for "the one", the one I'm with now and the one I have loved since middle school. Somehow, he has managed to keep things interesting for the past 9 years... probably because we had to work really hard to make it work. This makes me appreciate our relationship more than the others.

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