Is it normal for an abuser to be extremely nice

38% Normal
8 Comments

How common is it for a man to promise change and theropy only when the relationship has ended.
To tell a long story with a few words is hard for me but i will do my best.
He was a charmer at first phoning me constantly wanting to go for coffee in town, hugs and kisses, I love u everynight.
After about a month I was now hooked. He started asking about my sexual past and fantisies, being very persistint I told him. I know now how common open relationships are but he was in no meens loving or caring about how he manipulated me into the scene. I had to be slut for him, sleep with other men, talk dirty, never get intimate or have my needs met. I pleased him all the time made his coffee, ran his bath for him, did all his sexual deeds and not once in 14 years has he made any attempt to be compassionate or caring when it came to sex, in my favour.
He controlled all finances, where we went. Found minute flaws in my family members in which to hold a furious unforgiving grudge for them. He got angry if I messed up on a meal, drank until he couldn't walk, yelled and swore almost everyday for things like coffee wasn't on when he woke up, I didn't have the kids ready to go to town the moment he woke up which was around 11, forgot a bill recite at home.
The only person that had an opinion was him and if I disagreed with him he would put his hand up against my face as if to hit me but wouldn't.
He acts like a caring father but has never done anything with them without me there, and has sworn and yelled at them for small things as well.
I have had to be by him almost every moment of my marriage besides him going to work for a few months during the year.
I left him here for the second time and for the second time is promising to get help and theropy. He is leaving me caring and loving messages in my gmail, and acting like he is missing the kids. Just like the first time I left him. I left while he was at work because he would never let me otherwise in a normal relationship. He sais he didn't know I didn't want to sleep with other men, but have asked, and cried many times, but how he manipulated me and drained me of all happiness.
Should I believe in anything he sais and how long will he be this nice for. Its been a month now, and now I'm feeling guilty about how sad he is with out me. What do I do to fight him off with out looking like the bad one.

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 26 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • cupcake33
    12 years ago

    It is normal for an abuser to plead and say he will get help when you end the relationship. And just like the first time you ended it, if you take him back it will start all over again. If he really wanted to change and be a better person he would have done it before you left him when he saw how badly he was hurting you. But he didn't, he continued to manipulate you and will continue to do so until you draw the line and say enough is enough. If I were you I would try to move on.

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  • crimson_mamba
    12 years ago

    Listen to yourself and think of everything he made you go through. There is a little voice inside you that says NO THIS ISNT RIGHT.

    There is no need for you to feel guilty. Over what? Dont you apologize

    This endless cycle of subtle yet aggressive and dominating lifestyle with him is draining your happiness. please, have the strength to end it, for yourself for your children.

    Alot of women stand by this and live a sour and unhappy life due to their line "I will be there for better or worse" NO this is bullshit no no no

    im sincerely sorry that you went through all this

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Please run!! For the sake of your children if you are too weak to care about yourself!!

    How on earth could you live that life for so long? My heart bleeds for you! But you know that he is manipulating you again and has not changed one little bit.

    I have no idea why you care about being perceived as the 'baddy' or not - I'm surprised you haven't done him serious damage when he's been asleep.

    You know what's right for you!
    Cut off all contact with him, right now! No silly pleading, no false tears, nothing!! He won't bother you after a few months if you don't keep leading him on and showing him how spineless and weak you are.

    Think of your children!!
    Women are supposed to fight tigers for their kids so a bully like this is only a fly you flick off your arm!

    You go girl - you can break away and be happy!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    you could have said it in 4 words. He Lied To Me.

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  • dongwhan
    11 years ago

    Abusive people dont often change,hell most of us dont often change.We are what we are,in his case he's an asshole that dont desevre to have a wife, much less kids.I think you already know the answers to many of the concerns you have.Ask yourself a question, was the second time around better,worse, or the same as the first time. Heres my opinion, if you are dumb enough to give this shit head another chance, then you deserve whatever comes you way. I was in an abusive relationship once and it took me seven years to get away from that crazy bitch, might have taken longer if she hadn't gone to jail. Good luck

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  • -WhySoSerious-
    12 years ago

    Listen, I took a family studies class in university last year. I understood domestic abuse more than I ever understood it.

    Abusers are artists, they subconsciously know how to manipulate someone else's feelings to their advantage. Most men abusers start the abuse when their spouse is pregnant because it is a feeling of property at this stage. The abuser thinks of the baby and the wife as his property.

    Don't fall to what he says. He knows how to manipulate your feelings into making you feel bad.

    Don't ever feel guilty. He's playing mind games with you. He's the one who brought all of this to the family, not you. What you did was a mere reaction.

    It's just heartbreaking when I see women go back to the man who abused them....

    Look at statistics, and read articles about domestic abuse... you'll understand so much about it, and you'll know that it's something engraved in his personality that is really really hard for him to overcome.

    At this moment, after you left him, he can't feel powerful because there's simply no one there for him to control. I think that's why he says he's miserable and that he wants you back. His life with you made him feel like a powerful human being, now that it's gone, he feels worthless. I feel if you went back to him, he would still be abusive... It's his way of feeling powerful.

    I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, I'm just a 21 year old man who took a Family Studies class that was heavily focused on domestic relationships. So, I could be wrong. Think of what I said though!

    Wish you the best!

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  • Faceless
    12 years ago

    Boring

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      ur a fucking asswhole and u might b the kind of person that likes to hurt ppk just luke her husbant!... how is her life boring?... ur the boring one jerkface!

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