Is it normal for a tcc member to have these thoughts

So I am deeply interested in True Crime, I would consider myself to be in the TCC. I don't quite remember how I actually got into True crime I would assume by a old friend or something, but I got into it about a year ago.

I first got into Columbine, and I am still very much into Columbine. I just bought the book a few days about however which was pointless since I know everything about it.
I'm not one of those girl's who drool over the shooters, want to sleep with them or have a crush on either one. Most people would think that's why I like them, because of their looks or what not (because a lot of girl's do that if they're into true crime) However, I still like the Columbine attack and reading about it and what not because of feeling connected to it, I don't really know how to describe it but I just find it all so interesting, almost entertaining everytime i see the shooting video, It's actually quite amusing really seeing the people run and getting shot.
True crime has been my hobby for about a year. I love to read about it and find stuff out online, I might buy some merch or something one day, not to wear because of course I don't want to get jumped, or anyone knowing that I like something like this, because it's not something I tell anyone. I would like to one day buy a bunch of merch and hang it up on my wall, because I'm proud of these people.. of my.. inspirations?

I'm not saying I'll do what these people have done, of course I wont. I mean I don't really have a choice anyways since I live in Canada, Guns here isn't something I can easily get to.

Although, I can say that since I have been into this, I have been thinking more...... graphic thoughts, thoughts that obviously no normal person would have. Most of the time I would just think about my own suicide, and cool ways I could kill myself, make it fun or whatever, ya know.. stupid stuff, but these times Iv been just thinking weirdly, sometimes I just have a good day and out of the blue I think about how it would feel like to drag a dead body across the floor, and have the adrenaline rush of being somewhat excited but nervous that you killed someone, of course these are all just thoughts because I don't think I'm capable of killing someone, if I were to ever kill myself I want to kill myself knowing I did something good for my family and myself first without dying and knowing I commited a stupid act, and a big mistake.

Of course, I'm into other murderers as well, and no I don't always agree to these people, but it's somewhat confusing to myself too because I sometimes think about what it would be like to kill someone and now I say I don't agree on some murderers. Like Carla Homolka and Paul Bernardo, Yeah, I don't agree. Neither do I agree on the midnight stalker, and of course other big seriel killers, most of the time it's just really interesting hearing about what they have done, and sometimes I have sympathy for the people.
But, I really like guns, and I wish I had one, but I am glad I don't because who know's what would happen, I would probably shoot myself in the head or something.
Anyways, I just want to know other's opinion's on this, I know I am fucked, I know that I am not normal, nor will ever be. This is just what I have felt, and it's nice to let it out and get opinions on it.