Is it normal for a son to turn hateful and violent

3 Comments

This began several years ago with my son breaking and entering into a house with a younger person. I did not shelter him from his mistake and went with him to each court date and lawyer meeting. He got through that with just community service, fines, and probation. Meanwhile a year later I went through a divorce and we both started new jobs and things seemed to be ok for a while other then his grades dropping some from the straight As he use to have. Then he met a girl that he started going out with and hid it from me, and the lies started and hiding more and more from me, he would yell and threaten to move out saying he couldn't stand his brothers. He would say he has a friend that would gladly let them live with them and he wouldn't have to put up with us.
Then my ex husband and I began to work things out and he would come stay the night the younger brothers loved having their dad back, but he didnt seem to be happy and he was fighting physically with his brother to the point I was getting scared of someone being hurt. Then one night he started on about how he would move out and the ex told him fine if that is what you want, he packed his things and no matter how many times i asked him to stop and talk this out he walked out. Well, not sure who did but they called child protection and asked if we threw him out which he hadn't been but being 17 what really could be done and they couldn't even answer that other then to file court papers which I was reluctant to do due to him being on probation. He returned and I think the family he went to stay with wanted him gone, this all happening during christmas and everyone was upset. Now he is quiet mostly but avoids us as much as he can and it is like I don't know him any more if anyone has any thoughts I would be glad to hear them.

It's my fault 7
He's going to lose his future 7
He is going to regret his decision 6
It's the girlfriends fault 2
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Comments ( 3 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I don't think any of your options are right.

    I highly doubt it's his girlfriends fault. Maybe he is mad you don't approve of her.

    Whether his future is ok cannot be determined. Lots of people fuckup as kids and grow out of it. Some don't as well.

    He may or may not regret what he does. Nobody knows.

    It doesn't seem to be your fault, but once again there isn't enough information to guess.

    What I can say is a lot of it seems his fault. Most of what you described is typical teenager stuff. He is probably trying to figure out who he is. I recommend letting him figure this out for himself. If he goes to jail, don't bail him out or he wont learn.

    I think the least likely of your options is that it is his girlfriends fault. Lots of parents blame their kids friends for their bad actions because they don't want to think that their kid is bad. It doesn't mean they're bad either though because kids do stupid shit.
    The most likely scenario is that he will learn from his fuck ups and grow out of it when he realizes that being a dumbass is not a productive lifestyle.

    The biggest concern is if he is on hard drugs because the people who do not grow out of this behavior are usually addicted to hard drugs such as meth or heroin.

    Nothing you stated indicated he is on hard drugs but it's important to look for signs of drug use. Weed and alcohol are not a big deal either. Most teens do that stuff these days.

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  • jetalir
    10 years ago

    Thank you both for your insights, this most of all helps give me another viewpoint to look from and maybe help keep the family together. He tried to leave again and it resulted in him attacking his brother again and having to be restrained to stop him from hurting anyone, even had to call the police, they were not happy with how he viewed things and said if he acted out again they would have to arrest him, we did talk after this though and I am hoping that maybe he can start seeing but as you were saying crion you may have something, he has a very poor me type of view trying to get him help while I have time to do so while he is under 18, all I can do is hope I have enough time, thank you again and please anyone that has insight please share I am grateful for all thoughts.

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  • crion
    10 years ago

    Your son needs to see a mental health professional. I can't even suggest a potential diagnosis without observing him myself, but it sounds very much like a cluster B personality disorder (histrionic, narcissistic, borderline, antisocial).

    If that's the case, it isn't anyone's fault. With the possible exception of antisocial personality disorder, all of the conditions I listed are very manageable and show very positive results with proper therapy.

    Your son isn't crazy, and he isn't a "bad child." He's distressed and needs your help.

    As for getting him to come with you and put up with a therapist... well, you're on your own for that one. I suggest using duct tape.

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