Is it normal for a mother to deny emotional and medical help?

I have been to multiple family doctors and each one suggests I get antidepressants and see a psychologist. We have switched to a new doctor each time. My mother doesn't want me to have antidepressants and has never made an appointment for me to see a psychologist even though I'v said I feel that I need it. She tells me that my depression is my fault and I need to fix it by being a more organized, tidy person. I could be more tidy and organized, but I highly doubt that my organizational skills are the cause of my depression. I remember seeing psychologists at age seven telling them I want to die, and never knowing why. My mother seems to be blind to the severity of my depression...even though an ER doctor who I saw for 20 minutes suggested I get antidepressants and see a psychologist because I had costochondritis caused by emotional trauma. Thats basically internal bruising caused by depression (in my case) and thats pretty blunt and out there...you'd think she'd get it, but no - the depression is my fault. I have developed an eating disorder, I weigh about 97 pounds, my mother keeps telling me I'm too thin, but doesn't seem to attribute it to my depression and sometimes doesnt seem to care - she told me not to have more dinner because my brother needs to eat more...understandable, except that I had a little more than a handful and my brother literally had half of the dish my mother prepared. I'v talked to her coming from every possible direction - "Mom, moving continents constantly has really left me insecure", "Mom I think I have a chemical imbalance", "I don't think I'v ever been happy". She even implies that I lie to the doctors - "God knows what you've been telling them". It makes me feel like dirt. I'v been thinking lately that maybe she doesnt see my depression because i'v never really been happy, and this is my normal...which I'v only recently discovered is not a normal way to live and I want out. I'm a senior in highschool - I had a panic attack at school, I couldnt breath and I was so scared I started crying in front of everyone, which made things worse because all eyes were fixed on me. I told my mother and she said "hmm" and dismissed it...I want to know if it is normal for a parent to be completely blind or in denial about my depression like my mother is?

Voting Results
36% Normal
Based on 28 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • ProseAthlete

    Please speak to your doctor or a counselor without involving your mother. They may be limited in what they can do for you as you sound fairly young and your age may necessitate parental consent, but sometimes just talking to someone genuinely sympathetic and concerned for your welfare can help.

    You don't mention how old you are, but I'd gather from the tone of your post that you're about 15 or 16. You aren't far off from being in charge of your own medical care at 18. If you can find ways to cope until you're able to make your own informed decisions, you'll find a good deal of help from college counselors and medical staff.

    Some people do find, as NeuroNeptunian did, that external events can change the course of your life. However, that doesn't work for everyone, and it doesn't make you weak or broken if that isn't your best path to a happier, more meaningful life. Counseling may help. Medication may help. Getting out of the house and into a life you like may help. College may help. All of the above may help. Try every avenue available to you, and don't feel ashamed of crying or panic attacks. They happen to more people than you might imagine.

    Good luck, and I'm sorry you're in such distress.

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  • shade_ilmaendu

    Get into therapy without your mother's knowledge. I know it's an extreme route to take but at the moment it seems like your only option. You said you're a senior in high school so I'm assuming you'll be 18 soon? At that point you'll be more free to seek the help you need.

    She's in denial, either because she doesn't believe in mental illness or because she refuses it admit that it could happen to her own child, but the way she's treated you has been downright fucked up. She may have good intentions, I don't know you so I can't really say, but she has not been doing her duty to you as a parent. (This hardly surprises me, I really think we need better parenting classes or something. People in general really don't know how to take care of other people)

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  • BHolt

    Sounds like another religious nut brainwashed to distrust medicine and prefer "faith". Fuck that, get proper medical help. If you are an adult, do it behind her back, if not and attend school, advice a school counsellor of the issue and they can arrange it for you.

    She needs to be "shocked" out of her idiocy and apathy. If you have to, call child protective services and tell them she is not providing the medical care you require. It's extreme, but your well-being is most important.

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  • NeuroNeptunian

    My Mom didn't take that kid of shit seriously and dismissed it at teen angst that a lot of teens had but nowadays it's diagnosed as a mental illness.

    I used to have the same problems as you, even going so far as ending up in the psyche ward, cutting myself, drug use and so on. I can honestly say that getting a job and going to college has helped me far more than any pills or therapy. Guess I just needed a reason to get out of bed that I had a say over. Eventually, I desensitized to the stress that gave me panic attacks after dealing with so much of it. Damned "mental health treatments". What a waste of money.

    If you insist that it will help YOU though, then you need to speak to a school counselor. That's what worked for me. Don't be shy and don't worry about crying. If you can convey to them, visually, how mentally fucked you are, they'll believe you and that'll get the ball rolling.

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  • could i suggest you interact with health professionals without involving her

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