Is it normal for a mom to say this to her daughter?

4% Normal
12 Comments

Hi, my friend is 15 years old (we met in dance, hence the slight age gap; I'm 18) and i have noticed some problems she has been having with her mom.

First off, she gets straight A's and she is smart, but it is still difficult to maintain that with the three honors classes she is taking, so it is quite an accomplishment, but it is just brushed off by her mom with a flat 'cool' or 'congrats' or 'great, now you can focus more on your chores' even though she worked so hard the whole year on it. She does this with almost everything she does, although she is occasionally told she is good at something or other depending on her mom's mood.

She will ask her daughter why she 'hates her' and why she is so disrespectful and things like that even though i have never seen anything that resembles hate, and HARDLY disrespect, only 'i don't like it when u say that mom' (see below) or slight defiance, which i think was totally called for.

She also tells a lot of mean jokes about her, for example, 'You should get an agreement with Mobile; your hair’s got enough oil,' or mention how broken out her face is and stuff. I think she is just going for a cheap joke to get a laugh, but there are quite a few of them that she makes.

Also, here are just a few things i heard her say to her daughter recently;
(any retaliation) Please don’t, please don’t, are we done here!?
Ur horrible to be around when u r like this
I cant stand this, Im gonna have to walk away (about her daughter's 'disrespect')
U r so passive aggressive
Why are u so cruel to me?
U are such a drag
If u don't want to be a part of the family, why don't u just go to boarding school?
u r a lazy a**
what have u been DOING all day? NOTHING! (try, hmmmm, LOOKING UP TRIG OVER THE SUMMER instead of doing the dishes, but it wasn't like it was something BAD)
and when ever she yells there is a LOT of swearing,
stuff like that...

When i asked the girl, she said she had never been told she was stupid (In fact, quite the opposite, it had always been, 'ur smart, u figure it out' and then if it is done wrong she will get in trouble). She was never told she was hated, and was only 'on the path of being 'like her aunt' (who her mom has made quite clear was worthless),' her mom also often ignores direct questions and stuff and is on the phone a lot, even in the car after her daughter said not to (i mean, it IS against the LAW).

Is this NORMAL? it never happened to me, even when my parents would yell, they would never say things like this (it is quite a bit worse sometimes for her, but that was a year ago when her dad wasn't home a lot of the time to stop it (most of the time), so it IS getting better), just is this normal? Please help.

Voting Results
4% Normal
Based on 51 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • VirgilManly
    9 years ago

    The mother sounds like a real bitch.
    And then some parents wonder why their kids turn to drugs.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    You should stay out of this; it's none of your business. You are new to the relationship and you do not see things as they do.
    Furthermore, a 15 year old girl is a bit young for an 18 year old, especially if the 18 year old is not in the same school as the 15 year old. Time to bow out gracefully and fad away.

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    • hieveryone123
      9 years ago

      I have known her since I was 10 and my dad is very close to her dad so we r over there all the time. I think I know her well enough to at least have an IDEA of what is going on. If I was to leave her, even if I barely knew her, and she really needed help, no matter how small, I think it would be horrible to leave her.

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      • thegypsysailor
        9 years ago

        Don't you think it might have been a bit helpful to include some of this info in your OP?
        I got the impression you'd just met the girl.
        Still, from your posts, I don't see that she needs help or that she is in danger. She may be living in a pretty fucked up home, but it certainly isn't as bad as many on here have posted and if there's no physical abuse, I'm still not sure if it's your place to interfere. But honestly, I don't know any of you, so my opinion isn't of much value. Good luck.

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        • hieveryone123
          9 years ago

          Yes, thank you very much for your opinion. I, sadly, at the time, was too insolent to think of putting the amount of time and how well i had known her in my OP, however, even if i didn't know her well, i would still wish to help her in any way i could. I would also like to say that this is by no means the worst that was said or done to her, however there was never anything more physical than hair pulling (I have stated above that things have gotten MUCH better now that her dad had been around more, and i am wondering if THIS PART is normal, or if there should be more interference), i went with what had happened within the past two days, and it is by NO MEANS the worst story i had ever heard, but she had recently tried cutting herself, so i wanted to help her as i believed it was starting to get serious. She comprehends everything that is going on, and is very sensitive about being ignored especially. I am just trying to help, but of course your opinion means a lot to me, even if you don't know us, it was very unbiased and unassuming which i value a lot, so thank you for that.

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  • Neuria
    9 years ago

    Sorta sounds like mommy is jealous.

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    The first thing that came to my mind when I read this was that the mother is probably depressed. Whether she is or isn't, it would be a good idea for you to talk to her about it. Unless something illegal is going on and you have proof, you shouldn't get involved. Now, if your friend wants to come to you for advice or to let off steam, that's fine. A different story.

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  • fullhouse
    9 years ago

    I think it's better not to meddle. Your friend sounds like she can handle it. You interfering will make matters worse. Even if her mother is a bitch, I think it's something personal n not yours or others business

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    • hieveryone123
      9 years ago

      Yes, I think so too, thank you, but how can i just support her myself without interfering; it was never my wish to do that. The ting that really worries me is that she had recently almost cut herself and i don't want it to get any worse than an almost. Thanks

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  • imadragon
    9 years ago

    The mother sounds like a narcissist, she seems very jealous of her own daughter and makes herself look like a victim.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    It sounds like the mom has some issues but it's nothing compared to some stories I've heard.
    This doesn't seem like a big deal.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    9 years ago

    No, it's not normal and Mom sounds like she has some issues that she would be wise to take care of. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she is divorced, has a broken love life, is rude to others and has a hard time pulling a stable, decent paying job because of it and likely does not have a lot of close, GOOD friends.

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