Is it normal for a man to have "down low"lifestyle then not want it

26% Normal
11 Comments

About 7 months into our relationship I discovered my fiancé had a past lifestyle and he's not been 100% truthful about it. It seems as though he's been having sex with men for over 3 years and was up until a few weeks before we started dating and once we decided to be exclusive the same day we decided this he contacted a man he had been seeing off and on for 2 years and wanted to hook up and when his request was rejected proceeded to peruse this man for 2 weeks with no luck. Now that's the only one I know of that he's tried since we've been together. And only thing he would say about his past was that it was drug induced and he's ashamed of that and nothing else. Well now it comes out that's not so true he was having sex with men and didn't use refs with all of them and so now I've got all kinds of concerns. Since I found out all of this I've been supportive in te sense that if he's truly done with that lyre style the.n I have no issues and it doesn't change how I feel or see him as a person he's still the same man I feel in love with. But since my discovery of all this our relationship has changedd dramatically as in he's changed towards me. He's all but stopped initaiting sex or showing any desires to be with me. And. He's very distant. I've tried talkig to him but he claims nothing a wrong but agrees he's changed but can offer no solution or reason. And to me the reasons are obvious. So can it be true for a man to live that life style for that long stop and simply not think about it desire it miss what ever satisfaction he recieved from it or are my gut instincts correct he's hiding in a closet not ready to come out?

Voting Results
26% Normal
Based on 27 votes (7 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Are you asking if there is a difference when a bisexual man chooses monogamy from when a heterosexual man does? If that is the way you are thinking, then IMO your relationship with this guy is over. The prejudice you say you don't have is showing.
    From everything you wrote, I believe your guy has lots of problems. He's a liar and may even be cheating on you, and not be sexually satisfied in a hetero relationship, but it is NOT his being gay or bi that determines whether he can be monogamous or not.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Worriedgf13
      9 years ago

      Okay first off I'm frat from prejudice I could careless about someone s sexual orientation straight, bi, or gay. Hell I don't care if someone is great blue pink it's not that is what should matter. My concern is him not being honest first with himself second wiith me. A few weeks after all was out in the open to me I say down one niite and had that talk that first I cared a great deal for him as a friend so as a friend I I told hom that I know that he was sruggling with all of what was out and he was feeling vulnerable and I truly wanted him to be happy and if being happy meant we ended things and he could go on and be with that guy then I'd how out walk away and as far as anyone I our family or friends all they would. Know us that I chose to leave and that I'd never out him to anyone his secrets would remain locked up and never to be todo it's not my place to tell what is his to tell when ready.and that after I had time to get over the heart break is hoped with could find a way to be friends. And in theat instant he said I want you and only you. But I just have this gut wrenching feelif g he's not being honest with himself and whatever it was the want the need or desire to be with a man he could only bury that for so long before it surfaces and he's be battling himself

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • thegypsysailor
        9 years ago

        I couldn't read that crock of shit. Why the fuck can't you fucking proof read your post? Fuck you!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
      • Drawingmud
        9 years ago

        The down low lifestyle is normal for fudge packers. Many even in top govt positions in the US

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • deepthought33
    9 years ago

    It sounds like you two are kinda rushing things and that there are some personal issues that need to worked through.
    He was seeking a hook-up after you two decided to be exclusive.
    Are you newly engaged? I sense a pattern.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Worriedgf13
      9 years ago

      Well I've been married before and I refuse to be married to anyone who doesn't value the vows and commitment as I do.

      But my concern and worst fear is he's not truly being honest with himself about his past life style and I personally find it difficult to believe that you can want one thing one day hen the very next day say you no longer think about it want it you claim it's nothing. And I argue that 3 and Hal years of beintg with me was more than experimenting. And he was the one to tell me but the last guy he was with they saw rah other off and on for 2 years and this guy at one point wanted to end it and my bf told him that he didn't want t to end because he had the same feelings as this guy. And the last time they were together was just two weeks before our first date and his claim is that for the first time my bf seemed different to him in the sense that he made contact in public For the first time and when they got back to his place didn't what to wait for he party supplies to arrive before being together and this was there first time sober for that me my h supposedly made plans with him for a future and the was to introduce him to his family and kids as not a friend but his bf but once my bf left after a 5 day visit he didn't hear from him again till he called wanting sex which was the day we decided to be exclusive.

      I believe there's more there than what he says. Because what ever his wants and desire was and there was something he likes about it cause other wise why would he have carried one for so long and it can't be the excuse of drugs because some he used with and some he didn't .

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Darkoil
    9 years ago

    Give him a good pegging and see how much he enjoys it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Worriedgf13
      9 years ago

      Okay excuse my lack if intelligence but can you futher explain what pegging means??

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Darkoil
        9 years ago

        You give him a good rogering with a strap on.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Worriedgf13
    9 years ago

    Response to thegyosysailor...

    One I'm not prejudice by no means I could careless of someone's choice of straight. Bi. or gay but be who you want to be and make yourself happy. But don drag someone along in the process and defeat are there's world. He's claimed to be straight but okay so what I've read there are lots of straight men out there having sex with men. Well tif he carried in this long and claims now he's over I I personally am concerned that without talking to someone. And getting to the root of why the what was there before the desire to be with a man is still going to be there. And his lack of interest in sex with me says that he's no able to continue pretending anymore. I just want honesty and him to be happy in what ever sexuality he chooses. So not sure how to approach him and get him to be honest with himselff

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    I think we all have something we desire or miss but it's whether or not we act on those desires that matters. I think I would be more upset with the fact he was "cheating" in a sense trying to hookup with someone else. He could be hiding in the closet and choosing to lead a straight lifestyle with you but those desires to be with men still exist. It's really up to you to decide if you want to be with someone that may not desire you as you desire him.

    I don't think I could be with someone that leads or led another life. I think I would be insecure in a relationship with someone that has lied or kept a side to themselves a secret. You start a relationship trusting and commiting yourself to that person and once you find out that person has been lying all along it's just a huge disappointment.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0