Ask Your Question today
I care about my boyfriend very much, and love him even more for suggesting, and giving his consent to me taking a lover, but....... I am very unsure about it, and nervous that it could damage the love we have for one another. Does anyone have experience of this, and do you think it could work
We had a good long talk about it last night. We have discussed all the pros and cons and have been very honest with each other. He asked me if he satisfied me fully, or if I was frustrated sexually. I have for the first time admitted to him that I was not satisfied fully by him, and that I do feel frustrated at times.
After a lot of consideration and talk we have decided to go ahead with this. He has consented to me having a lover who can give me the things he does not, and I have agreed that I will only have one, and not others.
Good for you. It's up to you now to make it work. As I said, make sure you always let him know how much you love him. You said that you have sex a lot at the moment? Make sure that does not change! Last thing he needs is to feel that he is being neglected by you. Talk to him about and it and see if he wants to know what you get up to with your lover. Some cuckolds are turned on by their girls being satisfied by sexually superior men. See if he likes you teasing him? Take that slowly though! Also, be discreet!! Your bf has excepted that he cannot satisfy his girl, and is to be cuckolded because of it. I'm sure that he does not want his friends finding out, so don't you tell a soul!
Also, are you still in contact with that Dom? The fact that you called him that, and not your ex suggests you have no emotional feelings for him, just sexual. He is the type of guy you and your boyfriend need I think.
No, I'm not in contact with my old Dom that I mentioned, but I soon will be! ;-) Can't wait! Thanks for you help, but I do hate the way you describe my boyfriend as inadequate, and a cuckold though.
Well I am not meaning to insult your man, I'm just being factual after what you have told us. He is sexually inadequate towards you because he doesn't make you come, and he is sexually inadequate in the general sense because of his premature ejaculation! If you plan to take a lover while insisting he stays faithful to you; that makes him a cuckold. You have to be sure you want this because by doing it you are to a degree making your boyfriend less of a man. He knows that you want to be fucked by a guy with a bigger cock than him, a guy who lasts much longer than him, and a guy who is more of a man for you when it comes to sex. You will be out getting tied up and fucked in the ass by your bull while he looks after the kids.
Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but you have to be honest with yourself if you want it to work.
Yay, im glad for you! I think an open relationship will be good. He must love you and trust you very much to agree to you having a lover. I hope everything goes well!
I think you need to tell us more for us to judge...... Why has your boyfriend suggested and given his consent for you to have a lover? Is it because he cannot satisfy you sexually and he knows it? If so, why can't he? Is he going to have a lover, or is he to be cuckolded?
I do very much enjoy the sex I have with my boyfriend, but I do feel that at times we are not wholly compatible sexually. He is the loving, gentle, affectionate type when it comes to sex, and that sex is a huge part of our love. However, I am naturally more turned on by rough sex. I like men that are dominant sexually. I am also kinky, and enjoy aspects of BDSM as a submissive. These are things my boyfriend cannot give me. He has tried but he can't, and I don't really want him too. I prefer him to be his gentle loving sex! He does suffer from premature ejaculation, but we have worked hard to improve this together, and we have. He still cannot stop himself from coming very quickly when he is not in control though, and as someone who loves to be on top, I cannot deny that I am frustrated by it. I guess that he senses this. He is such a lovely guy and wants to please me,and he is very good with his hands, oral, and toys.
I have never suggested that I should have a lover, but he says he wants me to be 100% happy! I could not stand the idea of him being with another woman, and he says that he does not want to be.
I love him very much, as do my two children, but I cannot pretend that I'm not frustrated, because I am. Is it worth taking the risk though?
I feel similarly about my girlfriend... Ive been trying to decide if I should leave her. I don't feel attracted to her anymore, I get bored with the sex. I basically stay with her cuz I'm hoping it'll get better. I don't want to hurt her cuz she's been very loving to me, but i just dont feel satisfied. I guess I'm also afraid of the pain of break up again....
Well I could never leave my boyfriend. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and also my kids. I love him dearly, more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I am also still very attracted to him, he is a very good looking man. I do enjoy our sex life, and we do make love pretty much every day, but there has been something missing from the start. There are two issues......
I have loved BDSM for a long time, and was heavily involved in the scene before I met my Man. I miss being kinky. I miss being submissive sexually towards a man. We tried it but it just did not work. He is too nice to be an affective Dom for me and he just hates it anyway......
I guess I skirt around the biggest issue because it has upset him in the past. As much as we have worked on it, it is still a problem for me. His premature ejaculation does at times leave me very, very frustrated!! In fairness to him, if he has a big oops moment, he will never not get me off after he has had it, with oral etc etc, but it is just not the same for me. When it comes to penetration he can never let himself go, and I certainly cannot. If I'm on top he cannot last at all, and yet I still very much enjoy it because of the love that flows between us.
If I'm honest, I very much miss the type of sex I had with my last Dom. He fulfilled all my BDSM needs, he was very well endowed, and could last for as long as I needed him too! He would give me multiple orgasms through penetration, and my boyfriend cannot give me any!
I think my Man has sensed my frustration and that's why he has come up with this suggestion. I love him so much for loving me so much that he would allow me to have sex with another Man!
O.k so you want to know if it's normal? Well, do you want to be just normal when it comes to sex? No, me neither!
Can it work? Yes it can! I was in an open relationship for three years, and that woman is now my wife. To make it work you have to be the open minded, and mature enough to handle it. You cannot be the jealous type, and you need to be secure within yourself, and have confidence in your love for each other!
Your situation will not be an open relationship per se. It will be a cuckold relationship born out of your boyfriends sexual inadequacy. As long as he is o.k with it, I say go for it! Make sure you always talk to him about it to make sure he is still cool with it. He must love you very much to allow this so make sure you never neglect him and give all the love and sex to him that he needs.
Are you still in contact with this old Dom of yours?
I think that this may be one of those things that even after being agreed upon, could ruin the relationship.
I think you should try couples counciling first, but make sure you find a good one, because a bad councilor can make things worse.
The premature ejaculation possibly could be medicated.
With the BDSM thing you should help teach him how to be more aggressive. He might not know how to be but could learn and may even enjoy it later.
BDSM is pretty much acting mixed with sex, so it could likely be taught.
A woman (or a man) needs to be fulfilled when it comes to sex. If you are not, you will find satisfaction outside of the relationship. It is better to have an understanding with your partner that having another person is better than cheating without the other one knowing.
Even though your man is giving you consent to have sexual relations with another man, I personally wouldn't do it because these sorts of things can still damage the relationship between you and your boyfriend beyond repair. Also, he could be giving you "consent" just to see if you actually will take on a new lover and test the loyalty that you have toward him (men can be just as devious as women when it comes to relationships).
If the sexual chemistry isnt there with the two of you, yall need to find other people in my opinion. What happens when you have a sexual And platonic connection with one of your seperate lovers? It'll be bye bye boyfriend, and you'll leave him feeling betrayed and inadequate. I dont know your relationship, but if I had to put money on it Id say that's exactly how it'd go down.
Not necessary, like I have agreed to and want to participate in MFF threesomes with him, my BF can't really stand the idea of having sex with me and another guy BUT he says that If I want to I can seek out two other men and have my fun with them.
So just because you love one another and match sexually doesn't mean that you alone can give your partner everything that he/she needs.
A very slippery slope you are embarking upon.
If you are thinking of this because your BF can't give you what you would like in the bedroom, then I think you need to decide if sex is more important than the relationship. Self satisfaction is a functional way to have both, without the chance of hurting anyone. Many women seem generally happy with some romance in a relationship, as they rarely have the sex drive of most males.
It will not solve the underlying problem, it will only create more problems. Okay, you have sex with other men, and what about after that? He will still have his problems and you will still have yours. You will enjoy sex with more capable men I grant you that. But wouldn't it be more important to work on your problems instead? If you have enjoyable sex with other men it will drive you apart: you get what you want, your BF won't.
Don't you think that he is hurting way too much because of his problem and you taking advantage of his offer will hurt him even more? How is this loving and caring? I understand that you are really into the whole idea and you cannot really see beyond a strangers pole. But are you absolutely sure that this is what will help your relationship?
Quick example: I lose my sight and cannot do my work, but my boss refuses to fire me out of pity. I don't want my boss to feel bad so I quit instead. I feel OK for making it easier for my boss but feel horrible for losing my job. I know it's a stupid exemple but it is valid and essentialy the same thing.
What about him also taking a lover? Would that be OK with you? It's only fair... You want it rough and he wants it soft.
This story is hilarious, how dare her needs not be met?! If this story had been posted about a man not being satisfied he would have been excoriated horribly.
Maybe you should consider a swinger group. That way he can be there and not wonder what you're up to, and you get to receive what you need and as much as you need and if he wants to, he can also try something different.
If your boyfriend regrets consenting to this, starts feeling betrayed, dirty, hurt and insulted and proceeds to dump you; how will you feel?
Well we have talked about it at great length and he will not feel betrayed because I have not betrayed him, nor will I. Why would he feel dirty? If it effects him badly, which he does not it will, I will stop. He is not going to dump me! We love each other very much.
I'm not sure that poly is what she is looking for, as that is all about loving more than one person. The OP is not being satisfied sexually by her man, and just needs a stud who can take care of that for her, while still being committed to the loving relationship she has with her bf! For me, that's more like a cuckold thing. All be it a very loving one!
If your BF is not capable of giving you all that you need in your sex life, then yes, he may feel that he will let you have a sex life without him. A very giving person you have here. Of course, the danger is that the love life with the provider may be stronger than what you have with your BF. Of course, he needs you so pay attention to his needs as well.