Is it normal for a husband to be so selfish

Ok, so I'm trying to decide how to take my husbands attitude towards me & the fact that he RARELY pays any attention to me. 1st off he is OBSESSED with softball, I mean if he's not playing it, he's logged into special websites so he can talk to other softball players or he's texting and/or on the phone about it & I am completely serious when I say everyday, more times than I care to count. If by some miracle he's not doing those things he is on facebook, its utterly ridiculous. We both work & I'm the one who provides for the family, he'll throw some cash in here & there but I couldn't even tell you how much he makes! He doesn't want to have to hand over his paycheck like he had to in his prior marriage, which is fine that's not what I'm askin for , just a little more financial help would be nice. As for the attention part, I have basically become a social hermit b/c whenever I did go out, which was always with my sister, he would get beyond mad, like not talk to me for days, so I stopped b/c it wasn't worth the conflict. But now, I'm to the point I'm fed up. He goes out of time for 9 mos out of the yr, every weekend & I never complain or say a word, I just let him do it, but I don't get the same respect if I want to go grab a drink or even go shopping with family or friends. I do believe its a control issue, but I don't know how to break it. I was thinking about just starting to treat him the same way he does me, basically acting like he doesn't exist, but I know thats just being childish. I know I deserve better than this. I'd like to think I'm attractive & that he should be lucky to have me (since his softball buddies tell him that freqently) but he sure as hell doesn't make me feel like it. Any suggestions?

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16% Normal
Based on 50 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • randomjelly

    Geez... I wonder why his first marriage failed? ;-)

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  • xoxo29

    He doesn't care about you.... Leave now before you lose your self esteem and self respect! You KNOW you deserve better so why are you still there??? Oh and on the day you do leave him, walk out the door wearing the hottest, tightest, sexiest softball uniform u can find...give him a taste of his own medicine. Get out and best of luck!

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    • agreed! lol :)

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    • lolafish

      Lol, I like that idea, but when I do wear that outfit it will be to throw his shit on the front lawn b/c he moved in2 my house b4 we got married, so he will be looking for a new place to take up residence. Maybe he should call up those softball buddies he's so obsessed with & move in with 1 of them :)

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  • ayanami1234

    Not normal! You say u know that you do not deserve this. Then don't take it. Leave. No one is any relationship should have to put of with being ignored. Time to follow through with your own train of thought. Good luck! wish u the best! ^_^d

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  • anya07

    Leave him.If he would love you he would treat you well but as you say he is not.So what a meaning to live with someone who doesnt love you and makes your life hell.I know its easier to say than to do but take the first step.Talk to him,explain to him if nothing changes leave

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  • Avant-Garde

    Couples therapy or divorce.

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  • TreeGo

    He asked you to marry him for a reason/reasons. Remind him what those are. Marriage is much more than a question and an answer. It is a life-time commitment. Don't let yourself be just another statistic.

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  • binky

    Most men I have met over the years are very selfish, especially after marriage.

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  • joelsmo

    Hey if I had a gal to pay my bills, and serve me I would be all for it. You have enabled it. good luck

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  • xxxbeautifullybrokenxxx

    Do yourself a favor LEAVE!!!!!!

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  • Smurf1011

    He's not there for you...so you have every right to feel and behave that way. Go out and have fun, you're as good as single anyway. It's better to be sane and alone and than what this guy is putting you through.

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  • DannyKanes

    Omg is his name Adam?

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    • lolafish

      Lol, no his name is not Adam.

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  • BoredGuy

    I think he really don't wanna fall in the same loop he did with his ex-wife. I think you should proply talk about it with him, in a civilized way. What i mean is not constant nagging just straight forward talk. Make sure you can UNDERSTAND what his fear is and that is not your intention to do that, you just have some needs that you would like him to fill same way you do for him.

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  • randomjelly

    No one deserves to be punished for being independent...it is a respectable trait. I would spend some serious time thinking about your current situation if I were you. This is no way to live...

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  • lolafish

    Yes, I have tried talking to him about & no he can never not defensive or heated about it, he instantly goes 2 red. WHen he was married b4 his x wife bitched about it ALL the time so I make sure I never do b"c I don't want 2 b a reminder of her but now I am paying 4 it. I have always been very independent, had to be when my x & I got divorece & we have 5 kids, so I had to b independent but he says thats my worst feature & maybe the constant softball is my punishment for it, I don't know.

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  • SassyFrassyLassie_old

    Was he like this (into softball and the internet) before you got married or is this a recent development? If its not, what caused him to become more obsessed with it than he was before? Have you guys sat down and had a heart-to-heart about it? If you tell him in a loving way about how hurt you are by his inattention, do you think he may want to adapt his schedule to include you in it more often?

    Anyway, if you are unable to discuss it with him without it getting heated and angry (by either one of you), you should probably seek out some marriage counseling.

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    • lolafish

      Yes, he did play softball b4 we met, but it didn't take up every aspect of his life. He says that since I don't complain about it he figures I wouldn't mind if he stepped up the playing time, but then if I do bring it up he gets mad, so it's a lose,lose 4 me either way I look at it. I understand that he luvs it & its great that he has such a passion for sumthing, I wud just like to not b an after thought.

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      • b454

        He should have just as much a passion for you girly. I don't get as much attention from my husband as I'd like, but its different than your situation. As for you not going out anymore to avoid the bullshit, that's not cool!! He can go out and not get shit for it so you should too. Don't let him pull that crap! Put some pants on, hike 'em up, and tell him how fucking selfish he is. You may just have to leave his sorry ass.

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  • theRealDeal

    I feel the same way^. it sucks being ignored. I am frequently, so,,,good luck,

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  • ayanami1234

    Pls excuse the poor grammer. >_<,

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