Is it normal for a girl to only want a serious relationship at 17?

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10 Comments

**READ THIS IF YOU WANT BACK STORY**

I'm a 17 year old girl. I have had one semi-serious relationship (with my best friend, which led to an intimate relationship when he told me he really liked me. I had never thought of him that way, but he became very open and sweet and I began to realize that I liked him too).

He turned out to be gay. I found this out because he couldn't stay hard long enough to actually have sex (had to have direct contact..), and after trying to have sex multiple times - both of us still virgins and clueless - he told me that he has been attracted to guys but didn't know it/was in denial until he realized that he wasn't physically attracted to me enough to have sex with me. And that he can stay hard when thinking about a guy. Etcetera.

I am an extremely sensitive person. I have always known what I want as far as a relationship goes, and I was really afraid at the beginning of our more "physical" relationship that he didn't value commitment as much as I did. Well, actually, he asked me (right after I'd gave/received oral for the FIRST TIME and was feeling extremely attached to him and in love) weather or not we could "explore" or "experiment" with other people. I said "no", obviously, and told him how amazing I felt and that I was really attracted to him. I told him that it would hurt me if he did anything with anyone else. He said that he wants to "release his animalistic side" with other people while keeping an emotional connection with me. WTF!?!?

On another note, for about 3 years now, the same VERY hot and attractive guy has been texting/facebooking me asking if I want to hookup. In person though, he wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. So I was always like "uh wtf dude". Now, in the past, I've led him on kind of (because I wanted a little play/flirting or whatever. You know..) BUT I've always known that I didn't want to hookup with him and wasn't going to.
Here's why:
- he has a giant reputation for being a player
- I know all he wants is to hookup
- I don't want to be used in that way
- I want something more than that
- I would feel terrible after we did anything/become too attached

**END BACKGROUND STORY**

SO, my question is:

Is it normal to be 17 years old, still be a virgin, and not want to hookup with a boy unless I KNOW that it will lead somewhere later? I crave emotional connection with people, and that's what I want in a guy. Connection, understanding, value, love, openness, respect, commitment, etc. WHAT SHOULD I DO?! I want to do things with guys, but it seems like NO guys are actually like this, and I don't want to lower my standards or anything because I know it will = hurt for me. How do I find a guy who is relatively my age and actually cares about these things?! And ISN'T GAY?!?!?!

Usually, I just ignore it/guys altogether because it's not worth it. I'm gonna go to college next year and I don't want to wait that long to have a boyfriend... I want other experiences and shit because I just feel like I'll be paranoid that the guy doesn't like me enough... ya know?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 79 votes (65 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Anime7
    11 years ago

    You sound like me. As for advice, I don't really have any except that I think your normal.

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    • just4momentum
      11 years ago

      Glad to know I'm not alone (:

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    You sound like a smart, level-headed teen. I think you're on the right track. Stick to your principles. You will find someone who wants the same thing you do. Especially in college, where there is such variety.

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    • just4momentum
      11 years ago

      Yay! Well that makes me very happy. Sometimes I feel "left out" of other experiences (like hooking up and stuff) but I mean, eff that! I know what I want! I don't need expereince to know my instincts/values/feelings. (:

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Soooo. Here is a post, that admittedly breaks the age rule on the site by it's own account. And some mod let it slide! What the ffffuck. And mine get deleted for NNNOOO reason. Wtf

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  • auzzie
    11 years ago

    Don't 'hook up' and hope it will lead to more.. If that's not your personality it will likely end badly.
    There is nothing wrong with waiting.
    My partner and I had that emotional connection before we slept together, and years later we are still together.

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    • just4momentum
      11 years ago

      That's good advice. Thanks (:

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  • suishokiba
    11 years ago

    My advice, talk to more people, get to know more people. Find someone who wants an actual relationship. It's hard, but better, more mature guys are out there. I almost settled once, but I'm sure glad I didn't. I don't believe in the whole, you have your whole life ahead of you bs either.
    Just get to know people, talk openly about yourself, when the subject comes up- make sure they know you want more than just sex. good luck~

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  • Thatguy777
    11 years ago

    Don't listen to him. Just don't.

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  • Antir0b0t
    11 years ago

    I wanted a serious relationship when I started dating. At 15. It was a nice two year relationship, but in the end I wasn't happy anymore and had to end it. So you see, you are not crazy. It's okay to have standards and not give yourself up to any sexy dude. That's actually awesome. Real men prefer women, and that is exactly the way to be to get a gentleman who will treat you right.

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