Is it normal for a friend to dump you because your politics changed?

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14 Comments

A former BF who I was trying to keep as a friend visited FB and noticed some political stuff I had posted. (My new BF and another friend were influencial, but mostly it's because in the last few years, my life has changed and politicians are different too). The former BF has had a different experience; he kept his job, so he has not been through the tough times I have. But because I "disappointed" him and my ideas repulse him now, he is dumping me as a friend. IIN?

Voting Results
32% Normal
Based on 37 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • disthing
    10 years ago

    Everybody is painting him as the bad guy, despite us not actually knowing him, his beliefs or your political ideas. Very easy to do when you only have one side of the story that is inevitably biased.

    For example, let's say OP had become a member of a Neo-Nazi party or begun subscribing to a similarly extreme ideology. If he was profoundly opposed to said perspective, I can understand that on principle he might not wish to associate with you, and might be disappointed.

    If, however, it's merely a case of tipping a little more one way or the other, e.g. slightly left to middle or slightly right, then it would seem a strong reaction and suggest either the friendship wasn't that important to him, or that political beliefs are the basis upon which a friendship has value for him. It would be strange to place so much weight on such a slight conflict of opinion.

    So it might be normal in the first case, or it might be unusual in the second. We don't have enough detail to tell. If you inform us of how your political beliefs have changed and what exactly he is opposed to, that might allow us to judge the situation better.

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    • Caryopteris
      10 years ago

      I used to be a moderate Republican to Libertarian, but these parties are now full of people that are very extreme now compared to my views. I'm not saying the Democrats are perfect, but they seem the better choice right now. For instance, our new Governor, immediately upon being elected, gave himself a raise along with all the new hires (his supporters) that he brought on board. But he ended extended unemployment benefits and did away with teachers' raises and got rid of lots of assistant teachers. I also posted about scientific findings from fracking. So he saw some of my posts highlighting these reports in the news, and said this was goodbye.

      Lots of people told me he was immature before, but I had not witnessed anything personally that I found to be a problem. It shocked me after being friends for 5 years. I knew we always had some differences, so I had just avoided the subject with him.

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      • disthing
        10 years ago

        Thanks for the additional detail. Based on this I would conclude that it's strange he broke off the friendship for seemingly small political differences. Are you sure it was entirely to do with the change in political beliefs, or could this be one of several reasons why he broke off the friendship, or even an excuse obfuscating the true reason?

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        • Caryopteris
          10 years ago

          No, you can never be sure. He recently attempted to entice me into sex, which I sidestepped because I have a great relationship now. He was the one who had said from the beginning that he wanted kids, which I could not provide him, so we were just a temporary thing as far as dating. I was fine with that, but valued the friendship because our personalities complemented each other so well. He is the one always complaining he doesn't have friends. So I was just wondering if politics was a logical reason to stop being friends. I will certainly end it since he obviously needs it to end for some reason or other. Maybe he doesn't even realize the real reason himself.

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      • RomeoDeMontague
        10 years ago

        Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot and very petty. If he is ready to dump you this quickly he really does not deserve you. That is as stupid as saying "Well you like pink? I like red. So im dumping you". How stupid does that sound? Find a real man not one willing to drop you so quickly for something so stupid.

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        • Caryopteris
          10 years ago

          I'm just disappointed because I wanted this friendship to be forever even if the love affair couldn't last. But for some reason that's a tricky thing to hold on to. He was just more interesting than most people because he has about three different personalities in one person that were all fun. I guess he has other personalties that are rude, and he just hid them from me, so focusing on that makes it easier to stop talking to him, but we were friends for 5 years. We clicked the moment he started talking to me, staring right into my eyes.

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  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    O_o I think you should consider yourself lucky because it sounds like this man is very immature and illogical. Of course, the moral code should depend on what the beliefs are, but still... Your friend should accept this change like an adult. If he really had an issue he should have approached you and talked to you about it face to face and in a calm manner.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    A friend is someone who is there for you even if it's inconvenient. Nuff said?

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  • RawrImaDragon
    10 years ago

    It doesn't sound like he was a good friend to have around anyway.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    People as so fickle you're better off without him chill will a coors light.

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    • Caryopteris
      10 years ago

      Thanks, Terence the Viking.

      I know - I've always over-analyzed the relationship. I don't NEED him; I just enjoyed talking with him - we find similar things funny. Part of it was the mystery of why so many people can't stand him. Maybe this is the first peek he's given me of the side they can't stand. I'll be fine, don't worry. I guess I just want tidy closure of an answer that's logical, and I think it is that he needs to move on ... and also he really is disgusted by certain political views, and his rigid views are going to cause a lot of isolation for him. And that's why I could never help him socially; he doesn't want to change.

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  • iEatZombies_
    10 years ago

    Actually, I find it normal to stop being friends with people for a number of reasons. Apparently you weren't close friends if he didn't know you in that way, so why would your friendship be so valuable to him? It seems like it was a rather superficial friendship, so why wouldn't it end superficially? Maybe he was immature, but he doesn't sound as though he ever insinuated he would always be there. It's not like he got your hopes up. He ended your friendship because he decided he didn't need it, not because he's a bad person or friend, just because he didn't want to be a friend to you.

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  • myownopinions
    10 years ago

    There's always the possibility that your former BF has felt a separation from you for a while and just decided to use politics as an excuse to finally just cut ties with you.

    Or maybe, he's disappointed (and/or jealous) that you started hanging out with other people and even changed your political beliefs to coincide with theirs.

    Either way, unless your friendship somehow revolved around politics, I don't think it's normal.

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  • BlueLove
    10 years ago

    That is what we like to call douche-bags. He wasn't a friend. That man is an idiot, be glad he is gone.

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