Is it normal for a friend to borrow money?

43% Normal
8 Comments

A while back I started going out with a girl who was on government benefits. She never seemed to have any money so I always paid for lunch, drinks, food for her kids, etc. Anyhow, as it turned out, she is a foster parent and she gets a full wage on top of her benefits and her rent paid etc. She gets about $3000 per month!! She is getting more than I earn and has no living expenses. I thought her and her children would starve if I didn't give her my money.

Anything she did borrow she paid back but is it normal that she would borrow money from me so that she could go on spending sprees leaving herself skint?

Voting Results
43% Normal
Based on 44 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • disthing
    12 years ago

    It's unusual for a friend who is financially secure to borrow money from someone less so. I'd feel bad about borrowing from someone I knew was poorer than me, especially if it wasn't to purchase something important or even necessary. So I'd say it isn't normal.

    It's good she pays you back though.

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  • Dad
    12 years ago

    Kids are expensive.
    There's (good) food, and sports and doctors bills and a whole household of items that are needed and wanted. The money goes.

    She probably wanted to be pampered a little, and finally pay for things with her money that's she had been meaning to get. ie Clothes for herself, and makeup and possible even hair dos.

    Now, the above is really no excuse anyway. But I suppose that I see how its come about. Yes its selfish to want more than you need, but I could see how she may have told herself and her friends that finally someone is taking care of her and he means it.

    Since she's paid you back then I suppose she thanks you for trusting her in the loan, and the dream she wanted so badly.

    Money can break up relationships, but it SHOULDN'T.
    Trust and communication is the answer, plus a little bit of love.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Can I just say that I am female and she is just a friend.

      She has no rent to pay and her only bills are satellite TV, electricity and gas. She even gets a free car, medicals, dentist, car insurance ... Although she does smoke and drink, and her son does drugs. She shops in charity shops, cuts her own hair and tips everyone 66% of the bill - as if she is a millionaire.

      I was really annoyed to find out that MY money paid off drug dealers and for her druggie son to have driving lessons! I also paid school fees thinking she was broke and living on $100 a week - which is what she first told me. Then it slowly came out that she gets about $1500 a week which went up to $2,200 a week recently.

      Why would someone constantly plead poverty and put me under so much stress? Why would she borrow and even take all the things I gave her? Really upset that she took advantage of me and ripped me off. I do know that by the time she gives her adult son money for drink, drugs and cigarettes, she does have no money left! Would she not be a parent and stop enabling this?

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      • Dad
        12 years ago

        Wait a minute:
        "A while back I started going out with a girl"
        So she's now just a friend?

        And: "living on $100 a week - which is what she first told me."

        Ok so NOW I see the bigger picture.
        She lied to you, and you are not romantically involved with her. (Note: What she does with the money is strangely not relevant).

        If she was honest about it to begin with and she asked that the friendship wasn't to be effected in any way, then would that be ok?
        Or are you just jealous of her circumstances? She has kids for god's sake, be clear here > The money goes.

        Confront her about the 'lying' and your concerns (as a friend) about where her money goes. I'm sure she'll open up to you and explain the situation more thoroughly to you. Without hearing her side I wouldn't want to judge her fully on this. When you're broke it can be a bit embarrassing, so she probably didn't want to explain all the ins and outs to you.

        She repaid the money and thanked you (I expect) She generally seems ok to me. Mind you those kids may need a bit of counseling help, maybe you could help!? (As a friend of the family!)

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          Woah! I have kids too! Plus I pay for everything including private education. Her son is in kindergarten and the other is 18 and useless.

          I have GIVEN her more than £1000 thinking she was broke! Then I find out about drugs, driving, smoking, drinking, etc so too right, so no, I'm not happy about what she spent it on! At other times she borrowed the odd £200 each week until it meant that she had £800 to pay back at the end of the month. She then said that left her short the next month and so a vicious cycle began!

          I have never been asked to lend money to anyone and I can't even believe she is able to spend so much money per week, having no expenses. I am not jealous of what she gets as I have enough to do me but I can't understand why anyone would either lie to take their friend's money or what on earth she could be spending it on. She has no savings at all and I have seen the threatening letters from creditors.

          She now has a bf who earns about $450 a week and she has told him she gets $100 so he has taken over my role and is paying for everything for her.

          I meant that we just started to hang out together.

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          • Dad
            12 years ago

            Oh I see that also may have got mixed up with the boyfriends understandings of the matter to (I'll just disregard that part)

            Now, again, it is not for you to judge her on what she spends the money on. Although I understand that if you had known better you probably would have said no (obviously why she may have not told you everything)

            She quite obviously needs support. This doesn't need to be financial, ie call all the debtors and say I'll give you $5 a week, or whatever she can afford.

            It comes down to you making excuses (or someone in your ear) of not wanting to be her friend any longer.
            She quite obviously needs her friends now more than any other time in her life, but if these family concerns are too much for you to overlook she'll have to go elsewhere for support (food rations etc)

            I STILL feel that this is not enough to lose friendship over, just my (lonely) opinion I suppose. Maybe an 18 yo kid who replies to you will have more understanding for you!! By the way, I obviously don't know you either so I'm not judging on everything, just what I read here.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              12 years ago

              Once I knew what she had per week she didn't have the audacity to ask me for money any more and yes I do like her as a person so we are still friends.

              I just can't understand her relationship with money and why she wants to spend all of her own and everyone else's too!

              I have worked very hard for all that I have and she hasn't but has every luxury. It just seems strange.

              Do you think she is just a natural con artist?

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  • joeystyles
    12 years ago

    there are 3 things you never loan your friend.....your car, your wife, or your money...and you will increase your probability of remaining fri(ends)

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