Is it normal for a friend's tantrums to be accepted by others?

29% Normal
19 Comments

A friend threw a couple of public tantrums yesterday over a very trivial issue, and another friend excused it because she was hungover.

My response that I didn't want to put up with bullshit when I'm out trying to have a good time was seen as uncaring of the hungover friend. She was the only one there who knew I'd been nearly run over (deliberately) a couple of days ago by a man who raped me a while ago. I had been intending to ask for support from my friends about my fears of going out,because in the past I've become almost agoraphobic after similar incidents and I don't want it to happen again.

I'd found it hard to go out to meet with my friends in case he was around town again but didn't even get a chance to explain how I was feeling because of her grandstanding.

I did approach her at the close of the evening, but she blanked me out - by then she was drinking again so it was probably pointless on my part to expect her to be reasonable.

I don't know where to go from here & am finding it hard not to over-react. I'm seeing them all and other friends again tonight but I don't think it will be appropriate to raise these issues then because people will be focussed on xmas celebrations and alcohol.

I've been in this situation before, where drunks who behave badly are excused but my response to name their behavior & refuse to put up with it becomes the issue rather than the drunk person's obnoxious behavior. To use AlAnon terminology, there are too many enablers in the world!

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 21 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago | pl

    Being hungover is a choice she made and therefor is not an excuse for bad behavior. Slap that bitch and tell her to grow the fuck up.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Oh gypsysailor I do like it when we occasionally agree, because it happens so rarely!

      That's sort of what I did say, only I didn't slap her (she's much bigger than me, for a start) and I didn't even swear (unusual for me) because of not wanting to inflame the situation further.

      Being a peacemaker, well I do try to be most of the time, I did send her an affectionate but firm text the next day, to which she hasn't responded 3 days later. A mutual friend says she's still shitty with me - tough, people who love being drama queens need to learn that other people eventually get bored with it.

      I strongly suspect her initial annoyance with me the other night was because I didn't laugh at her latest "I was so drunk" story about vomiting on her own feet and not knowing she'd done it the night before.

      Alcoholics, just stay away from me for the sake of my sanity!

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  • (s)aint
    9 years ago

    I hate that too, just because you are hungover/drunk doesn't mean that you can act like a fucking bitch over nothing at all -_-´I hate people sometimes.

    If I were you I'd still refuse to accept this and maybe just throw your own situation in the faces of these people- Their reactions sure as fuck will be entertaining.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Thank you! One of the two is being supportive of me, the other sort of but he drinks a fair bit too .....

      I did send the "bitch" a text letting her know I do care about her as a friend, but that I don't intend to try & deal with that sort of behavior when I'm already stressed..... no reply

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      • (s)aint
        9 years ago

        Good call! Sadly a lot of people handle criticism VERY badly. But at least you told her that you wont put up with that behaviour, which is exactly what she needs to hear.

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        • Ellenna
          9 years ago

          It wasn't even criticism as such, I tried to do the old "When you do ........... I feel............. and I'd prefer it if ..............". Sadly, lots of people if they're already defensive and looking for a fight still interpret that as a criticism, when it's in fact me stating without judgment how their behavior is affecting me.

          However, I do remember a wise person asking me many years ago in another context: "Why do you keep expecting unreasonable people to be reasonable?" which is very relevant when people are drunk/drug affected or hungover. I need to remember to not take such people seriously and I don't when it's strangers, but it still shocks me in friends.

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          • (s)aint
            9 years ago

            Then again, why keep unreasonable people as friends? Being drunk/hungover is never an excuse to act like a bitch.

            And yeah, some people have serious difficulties when it comes to interpreting things even though you carefully try to inform them about what's going on.

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            • Ellenna
              9 years ago

              She still hasn't responded to my conciliatory text of a while ago, so looks like she's dumped me as a friend, which could be awkward for her as we move in the same social circles. I'll continue trying to be friendly but detached from her tantrums. On reflection, I realised her anger with me began when I didn't laugh at her latest "I was so drunk" story about having spewed on her shoes the night before and didn't know she'd done it until someone told her .... drunks are just plain boring as well as destructive.

              In my experience, alcoholics and other addicts are very skilled at misinterpreting the actions of others to fit in with their self-centred view of the world, because of course any addiction is totally self-centred. After a certain point I've learned to give up expecting them to be reasonable, which is exactly the point I've now reached with the former friend.

              I've reached a point in life where I only have so much energy for other people and I HATE this time of the year because so many people over-indulge in alcohol and spread their shit around on other people. I've just had to break off contact (I hope temporarily) with a friend of 40 years who I thought had cut right down on her drinking until I copped verbal abuse in the middle of the night when I needed support. Who needs it?

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    I don't know how you can stand being around this person, much less friends. I couldn't tolerate being friends with someone like that.

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