Is it normal for a 4-year old boy to be attracted to a teenage girl?

48% Normal

Hi. I was just curious, is it normal for a 4-year old boy to be attracted to a teenage girl? I have never seen a child that young be interested in girls. I certainly wasn't. My son is only 4 and we get this girl named Misty to babysit for him.
Misty is a good babysitter. She spent a lot of time watching my son during the Summer while my wife and I worked full time. However my son is always commenting on how pretty Misty is. He always talks about her pretty hair and her cute legs, which strikes us as odd.
Anyway, since it was summertime, Misty even took my son to the pool to help him with his swimming lessons. He takes classes but she would help him practice when he is not in class. She's a good swimmer.
One day, we noticed that my wife left her cell phone at home and our 4-year old hid it in a beach towel and took it to the pool with him. While she was lying in the sun getting a tan, my son used the camera phone and took a picture of her in her swimsuit. My wife and I saw him staring at the picture later that evening and that's when we suddenly found it to be an obsession for him. When we figured out what it was, we deleted the picture. My son wasn't too happy. We are concerned this isn't normal. I know males have sex drives, but he is 4! Is this normal? If not, any advice?

Voting Results

48% Normal

Based on 33 votes (16 yes)

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Comments ( 27 )

RoseIsabella

5 years ago

Have talked to your kid about all of this? You could try to talk in a nice non-shaming, non-accusatory way, and basically just ask him what's up with stealing the phone, and taking the picture without permission. Ask him where he learned about that, and what gave him the idea to do those things. Gently explain to him that's it's not cool to take stuff without permission, and that it's not good manners to take pictures of people without getting their permission first.

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- Annie25
  
  5 years ago
  
  I agree with rose here
  And I dont get why people think the kid is being "sexualised"
  Calm down people they are just parents who are concerned
  
  Well as rose said talk to your kid and ask him what they do at his friends house and what goes around there ask him indirectly about his friend's older brother and what he does and says while they're around him
  
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  - McBean
    
    5 years ago
    
    I'm voting in Rose's favor as well. Sounds like he has a maternal type attachment, and perceives her as a wholesome figure of caring devotion and good will.
    
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  - charli.m
    
    5 years ago
    
    "We didn't sit on his shoulders like a little red devil and tell him to lust after her"
    
    That's some seriously adult emotions to place on a child that simply likes someone who is nice to him and spends quality time with him.
    
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factcheck

5 years ago

I don’t see anything remotely sexual here. Four year olds can become “obsessed” with things or people just like any other age. Take a step back and think about how much he likes his favorite toys, or his friends his own age, or cartoon shows and movies he wants to watch all the time. When my nephew was four he was obsessed with Shrek. When I was a kid I was obsessed with Aladdin and the Lion King. Nobody thought I was attracted to Simba!

He’s completely oblivious to the possible sexual implications of calling somebody’s hair pretty or their legs cute. To him it’s just a nice thing to say about his friend. Notice that those are two very common compliments for girls to give each other, with no sexual meaning whatsoever, so he’s probably heard her say it about other girls. That is completely innocent.

He probably took the picture of her in her swimsuit because that’s what she was wearing when he had access to the phone. He likely would’ve taken a picture of her in a hoodie if that’s when he thought his best chance to do it was.

The only thing concerning is that he hid the phone and took her picture without permission. I know you deleted the picture but make sure he knows that that’s not ok, make sure he knows WHY it’s not ok, and teach him to ask for a picture if he wants one. Lots of parents make the mistake of telling kids something is wrong but don’t tell them why or what the right thing to do instead is.

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SwickDinging

5 years ago

Why is this an issue? He just has a crush, let him be. This is normal.

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A-sharp

5 years ago

His mom is NEVER home. Looking for attention. The child is lonely.

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charli.m

5 years ago

I find it disturbing how far you're sexualising your child...

The legs comment and the photo are weird. Kids admiring an older person who catesfor them is normal. I'd br more concerned as to why your child had picked up the odd behaviours. They don't just do stuff like that, he's had it modelled to him somewhere, and quite frankly, it's entirely possible he's just copying what he's seen as he thinks it's what people do, and there is absolutely nothing sinister in it.

You should talk to him in a positive way about how we talk about people that we like to spend time with. You should also explain that it is not ok to take a phone without permission, or to take a photo of someone without their permission.

It is disturbing when people label children with adult intentions. That is not something you do lightly, without first considering other far more reasonable explanations.

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- drat
  
  5 years ago
  
  Exactly. The story sounds super fake to me, it's written like every other creepy fantasy on here. The way he had to use her name and keep bringing it up, and can a 4 year old really take a pic of a person, among the other things. either way OP sounds a bit suspicious, projecting their sexuality upon children / young teens.
  
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  - charli.m
    
    5 years ago
    
    I know the 2-5yr olds I have had in recent years are quite capable of taking photos on phones or ipads. They're not remotely discreet about it and the photos are hardly good quality...But it can be done.
    
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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

I think YOU are the one attracted to. "Misty".

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Totally normal. There’s no need to talk to him about it at his age. He’s just naturally attracted to someone older that gives him attention.

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SeekNPlay

5 years ago

When I was 4 i didn’t even know girls existed. The kid has it good.

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Meowypowers

5 years ago

Little boys like teenage girls.. be careful you don't encourage them, but don't shame them.

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Vvaas

5 years ago

are you sure he isn't watching any movies or something on TV that is encouraging this behaviour? does he have his own computer/tablet/to watch videos on and do you supervise him if he does? with so many pop ups and ads it only takes one misclick to get onto the wrong website. or porn site. watch your kid more

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bigbudchonga

5 years ago

No this isn't normal, but it's not really bad it's just unsual, also there's fuck all you can do. Are you going to tell him that his natural attraction to the other sex is wrong? Obviously if he's going around hitting on girls who are older than him all the time then you need to talk to him, but other than that he just has these natural urges at an unnatural time. I think if you had a talk with him and told him it was wrong, or whatever, then it would just make him feel bad about what he's feeling.

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

I used to talk a bunch of nasty shit when I was a little kid. I mostly just liked the embarrassed reactions I'd get from older kids.

Maybe I wasn't aroused until age six, and then I stopped talking dirty as much.

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TheSneakyOnion

5 years ago

I'd simply teach him that you ought not take pictures of people without their consent. I don't know if its necessarily "normal" for him to be attracted to her in this way, but reallyistically, he'll probably grow out of it soon enough

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Meatballsandwich

5 years ago

Sounds pretty normal to me. I also used to look at girls when I was 4 years old. Except it wasn't sexually.

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Ellenna

5 years ago

This is seriously creepy and you need to URGENTLY find another babysitter for your son. It's not normal for a 4 year old boy to be so interested in an adult woman and I don't believe he would be if it hadn't been encouraged.

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- ericbennett
  
  5 years ago
  
  One other thing...you said creepy! Creepy applies to dirty old perverted men and sex offenders. You must realize he is FOUR years old. He does not have a mature perspective on women yet. As long as his mother and I guide him to do the right thing, he can grow up just fine. Ellenna, your comments were not appreciated. You sound like you accused us and you make my boy sound like a pedophile. He was staring at a 16-year old girl in a swimsuit! It isn't the worse thing ever! And, bear in mind...his mother and I dealt with it.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    5 years ago
    
    Don't be ridiculous, how could I possibly have been accusing a 4 year old of being a pedophile? It's the situation which is creepy, not your child and how was I accusing you of anything? If you'd dealt with it, why are you on here asking about it?
    
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- ericbennett
  
  5 years ago
  
  What do you mean encouraged? We chose her because my wife and her mother are good friends. I feel taking the phone away and deleting the photo was us showing we did NOT approve, not the other way around. Thanks for the feedback but this wasn't our fault. This was subtle behavior until we caught him looking at the photo the other day. Trust me! We are concerned. And as far as saying we encouraged him...don't accuse us! We didn't sit on his shoulders like a little red devil and tell him to lust after her. SWe are parents. I posted this because we are worried and concerned not because we are encouraging him. Be careful about your accusations.
  
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- charli.m
  
  5 years ago
  
  Hardly fair to blame the babysitter. We don't have a lot of info to go on - it honeslty sounds like this person is hypersexualising the child's behaviour. He is probably doing what he has seen other people do. Children model the behaviour they see. They don't realise it is not age appropriate.
  
  Yes, the leg comment is weird, but he's probably heard it before.
  
  The picture is the most concerning part...but everyone takes photos of everything nowadays. So children see that and don't necessarily understand the "rules" behind it.
  
  Blowing it out of proportion is damaging to the child. And to thr babysitter's reputation.
  
  It is far more likely he picked up this behaviour from parents, family or other children than that the babysitter is a predator. That possibility shouldn't be completely ignored, but fuck. Way to encourage someone to overreact.
  
  Children who have been abused act out. This is not how they act out.
  
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  - ericbennett
    
    5 years ago
    
    I didn't even think of Ellenna blaming the babysitter. I thought she was accusing us. Like I said in my response to her, we were not the devils on his shoulder telling him to feel that way.
    
    I definitely DO NOT think it was Misty. She wouldn't tease my son like that either. She's a nice girl. You said he patterns his behavior after what he sees. We do both work full time. We HAVE had sex in the evenings with him home but we have made sure he is tucked into bed before we do it.
    
    I am more inclined to think he is watching inappropriate movies at his friends house. His friend is 4 years old with him but he has an older brother who puts trashy movies in at times. I certainly hope that isn't the case. I will personally talk to their father if that is the case. His friend's brother is somewhat of a "naughty" kid. I still don't want to accuse anyone of anything.
    
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    - charli.m
      
      5 years ago
      
      That is entirely possible. I'm not trying to accuse you or anyonr else, either. I'm just saying, as a person with qualifications in early childhood education, who has been babysitting for about 20 years and worked as a nanny for just over 15 years, children are sponges. They take in EVERYTHING.
      
      I don't think it is anything to do with him having seen you have sex. It's far more likely he has heard conversations from anyone around him, or, as you say, watched non age appropriate movies at a friend's house.
      
      It happens. You can't wrap him in cotton wool. But it IS your job to talk to him and make sure he understands the right thing to do. Make it a conversation, not a reprimand. It is very unlikely that he is trying to be bad. Kids aren't inherently bad. They're learning. We have the responsibility to guide that learning. It's not easy. But it is important.
      
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      5 years ago
      
      Um hmm.
      
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Is it normal for a 4-year old boy to be attracted to a teenage girl?