Is it normal every night i think about if my childhood was different.

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5 Comments

I'm 17, and almost every night when everyone's asleep in the house I think about what I'd be like and who I'd be if I didn't have such a fucked up childhood. 
I'm an out of control teenager. 
I know that only I control my actions. 
But I have a really twisted mindset and outlook on a lot of things because of my childhood. 
I have no one to talk about it to except for my older sister since she was the only one by my side helping me survive. 
My other siblings have no idea what we went through, We've been told they don't need to know.
Which is understandable..

But my moms cleaned up now, being a trophy wife and living wonderfully more happy than she's ever been 

But she acts like the past never happened and Denys everything. And I know she feels guilty so I quit trying to talk to her about it. 
I've been to multiple councilors therapists you name it.

But I cant make these thoughts and flash backs stop. They've hurt me more than anything for years. 

I know the only way that anything will change is if I can get her to sit down and talk to me about it after all these years, but how.? I don't know how to approach it. What to say, or expect. Is this common at all,? Am I ruined for life.?  
I've never been on here before but I figured strangers might help.. <3 

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81% Normal
Based on 31 votes (25 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Βaτмaη
    10 years ago

    You where molested. nuff said.

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  • bananaface
    11 years ago

    Why would you even want to talk to her after she messed your life up? If you think it will work then confront her, she owes you a conversation at least, based on what you've put.

    And you're 17, you aren't "ruined for life", this part of your life will end eventually. Also, stop blaming yourself. You really aren't the only person who ha control in your life, which will probably sound strange. Try to accept that there are many things beside yourself which affect how you behave.

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    • AcidTrick
      11 years ago

      I feel like I'm ruined for life considering it all got better 8 years ago and the flashbacks/memories still just won't stop attacking my head.. it's not just my behavior it's also my mind sets and outlook on things. I dont know how to confront her with it though.

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  • boehawk
    11 years ago

    It can take a long time and a real good counselor to get over childhood trama it sounds like yours were some really bad stuff. You can't make your mom talk to you about it if she wants to pretend it never happened but with enough time and a good counselor you can work thru it . Good luck

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  • Anime7
    11 years ago

    I sort of do the same. Sometimes, when I'm really tired, I lye on my bed and just think about how there's some alternate me in another dimension who's having fun or is really cool. My childhood was fine, but I like to imagine different versions of myself. I think you're normal.

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