Is it normal confusing salvia trip aka death

Ok, let me start by telling you all this happened about 2 years ago and I feel like this Salvia trip really screwed me up. Now for the story... Please take time to read it all and leave a comment it's much appreciated. Even if only one person reads the whole story it would mean the world to me.

Just to give a background in high school I started smoking weed and it came to be a regular thing, pretty much daily if I had the money. As most people who start smoking weed (atleast I think) I started to experiment with other drugs: alcohol, adderall, cough syrup, sleeping pills, fake weed (incense). As it progressed I got the urge/felt like I could handle some more intense drugs, Salvia being one of them among the other common psychoactive drugs: shrooms, coke, acid...you get the point I wanted to trip balls.

Fast foward a little and I had discussed wanting to try salvia with my "friends" which is a loose term I hate to even associate with them looking back on all the B.S. (but that's another thing entirely). It was a normal day up in my friend A's attic along with B who was usually around since he lived nearby. We smoked a bowl or two (Keep in mind this day is a little hazy) and I remember them talking, at this point I was high, and they said I was going to be the "guinea pig". I didn't think much of it since I was pretty high and not really paying attention. I don't think they even smoked or got high at all, I believe now this was to be able to see me trip my ass off while they were sober so they'd have a front row seat to see me go insane.

After smoking me out in the attic we all go over to B's house just a small walk away. We go to the usual "baking area" aka his garage and A loads up a bowl and says I can get greens which I thought was awesome since I usually got the last hit (once again crappy friends). I was not expecting at all what was about to occur. I take a huge hit thinking it's just some reg and after I held it in and exhaled A poses a good idea "Hey let's go play mw3". Which I was addicted to at the time and thought it was a great idea. We go to the living room just a few steps from the garage and I get the best seat in the house the comfy chair right in front of the TV. A or B don't really remember starts up a game of splitscreen. From here is when things start to seem odd as I thought I was just high off weed.

The last sane thought I had before the mind boggling trip was A and B telling me they were going to make some ramen. After that I'm not sure if either of them were playing against me but I felt like I was inside the game LITERALLY. I could sense myself laughing like a hyena but I couldn't stop. In my mind I was dominating both of them, I remember saying "You guys suck!" while I laughed like a crazy person. I felt an immense sense of euphoria along with intense confusion as to what in the hell was going on. When I think back on it I'm pretty sure I was just walking around the map killing their still players and thinking I was such a boss. A or B was moving their player to the middle of the map so I could kill them and get killstreaks. I remember being a real life chopper gunner and destroying everything in my path even if it was only 1 player I was killing. But in that moment nothing else in the world mattered, I could hear A and B talking but none of it made any sense I was so immensly focused on the game that I felt like I was fused with it...it's so hard to describe. I do remember B feeding me some Ramen and me eating it all the while not moving my focus off the game. What felt like an entire lifetime was soon coming to an end as the BIG BANG was coming. For anyone who has never played MW3 there is a tactical nuke killstreak at 25 kills. As I distinctly heard the phrase "Tactical Nuke Ready" or somthing along the lines.

The euphoria was so intense and I detonated the nuke and watched as my entire life ended in a mere 10 seconds. After the nuke and after I found myself back in the lobby. I started to come back to reality, I didn't feel like I was in the game anymore and I remember A's voice slowly coming into play repeating my name. I than looked back at both of them eating their food and sitting on the couch not even close to a controller. They asked me if I was okay, I responded with a dazed "yea" and than A said "Aren't you supposed to be home soon." I looked at my phone and the time, God knows how I remembered what time I needed to be home but it clicked, Yes I am supposed to be getting home (for all I know I didn't have to be home at all but they sure convinced me to) So here I am walking out the door with such an intense confusion of what had just happened. Only minutes after this brutal trip came to an end I'm driving home in a daze (it felt like a dream afterwards.) I do not remember anything about what happened when I got home but my parents must of thought I was on heroin or something.

The next day (I think) I'm back in the attic with A, B, and now C. They told me a couple times that I smoked Salvia but I was in such denial I didn't believe them at all. My main concern on posting this is I'm only just now (2 years later) starting to feel normal again. I've felt like an entirely different person and I haven't been "all there" in the head either. I get panic attacks quite often and I tend to question reality. Shortly after the salvia trip (maybe a week or two) I got in a car crash, note that I was driving to my nearest chill spot near my house to throw away my jar of weed. Since both of these traumatic experiences I haven't been able to deal with my emotions very well, have felt like a an actual retard, and can't really handle social situations all too well. I find myself saying "stop it" over and over in my head all day in an attempt to return to my normal self (nice, laid back, care-free.) It seems like it's working sort of but I fear I'll never be able to be normal again. No one knows about this profound experience that I know off besides my a hole friends that I cut all ties with. I've been treated like an absolute retard by Family, co-workers, old friends, and I do feel like it sometimes. People talk about me or talk under their breath to me sometimes like their giving instructions? I fear that no one knows what happened to me besides just the old "drugs made him stupid" thing it's like I completely died that day I tripped.

I Know this was an extremely long post but I needed to get this experience out on some sort of canvas and I really need honest opinions about what some of you think about this. I fear I've done irreversible brain damage and that now I'm a full fledged retard.