Is it normal and is it my fault

40% Normal

I hope this all makes sense... sorry in advance if it doesn't... it's a quick summation of what's happened

So every "relationship" I've had in the past few years generally dont end well (I've only had 3 guys in my life.. only one bf others fwb)
First one was pushy always convincing me to do things (sex, come to see him, etc) I got massively depressed and realized too late what he was like so I stopped taĺking to him telling him I need a break and am depressed but he wouldn't stop trying to get me to talk to him/see him.. eventually I completely stopped responding and so did he...
Next guy was my bf... he was narcissistic, controlling and in the end verbally abusive... he had a massive hissy fit because I "embarrassed" him somehow for the last time and broke it off... we were living together at the time.. neither of us were taking.. things happened between us.. he cheated on me, I talked to a friend bout his meth addiction etc..
And now the 3rd guy... I have no fkn idea what has gone wrong.. I found a place to move into.. after we have been talking for a while (I was working at the time) we slept together and he knew what was going on with me n the ex.. month later he said he was "committed" to what we had (Which seemed odd to me).. month after that he moved in.. he has kids (1 his own, 2 that isn't his but they grew up with him and they are his ex's) they stay here occasionally.. now I don't know whether I was too harsh on them or how I said it or what I said to the kids (they tend to not listen.. not turning lights off, having too long showers (40 odd mins), arguing, spilling food everywhere they shouldn't have been eating (and over my couches)... So maybe this one is my fault.. I told him I MAY need some space for a day as wasnt good in my head cause i lost my job (which was in January) and since then he's been a bit distant.. I have repeatedly said to him I no longer need my space.. in the last few wks he has been ghosting me BIG time.. not responding to my messages unless he needs something and he has spending A LOT of time at his ex's place.. staying over for nights on end.. so I don't know whether the ex has something to do with it or if I'm at fault here.. I am way to scared to ask as don't want to make him uncomfortable or move out or whatever...

I know its just my side of the story but is all this my fault?? Or do I just find the worse people possible???

Voting Results

40% Normal

Based on 5 votes (2 yes)

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Comments ( 14 )

XYXY

3 years ago

It all sounds a mess to me. You would be better off telling him this isn’t working out and ending the relationship. Then spend some time on your own to give yourself emotional healing time. I’m not saying don’t go out at all, although of course depending what country you’re in socialising isn’t easy at the moment anyway. But your emotions need time to heal just like any other injury. When you do start dating again go slowly, don’t jump into bed at the first opportunity, tell him you want to get to know him better. Take everything slowly and see how he reacts, if he can’t accept that, then he’s probably only after one thing, so forget him and move on.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  A mess?? Yea that pretty much sums up my life atm..
  I've tried the whole "me time" and getting my emotional and mental state back on track but that didn't help.. which is why the 3rd guy was so good at the start cause he made me feel great and like I can actually go back to normal.. then I lost my job.. then he stood back letting me have my "distance and going to the ex all the time... making me feel like fkn shit again....
  
  As I said in the post I'm too scared to say anything as I feel I could make things worse or make him want to (and eventually) move out leaving me without a job and having to pay everything...
  
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Kermitt

3 years ago

How can it be your fault. You just haven't found the right person for you

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Mammal-lover

3 years ago

How is your relastionship to your father?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  Ok I guess but lately I'm starting to not like him so much.. and never been able to talk to him bout anything
  
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  - Mammal-lover
    
    3 years ago
    
    Generally those that like older men or abusive men tend to have bad relationships with there father. I mean I like older men and my relastionship with him isnt exactly peachy
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      I'm hearing ya.. 1st guy was my age, 2nd guy was 6 yrs older n the 3rd guy 2 maybe 3 yrs older..
      I mean I'd rather date older men (guys who are older then me.. not younger) but yea I'd take what I an get generally.. as for abusive.. that was never my intention as never wanted to be in an abusive relationship..
      
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      - Mammal-lover
        
        3 years ago
        
        That's not what I meant you cant controll whobuou get attracted to
        
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ellnell

3 years ago

Two first guys reminds me of 2 guys i've dated also.
I'd had contact with this guy online on and off for 4 years, he'd been in and out of my life never reliable but he swore he'd changed and it really seemed he had for a while as he was acting completely different to how he ever had in the past but instead he quickly became pushy as hell instead, and pissed if I didn't do as he said. Tried to push me to sleep with him and ghosted me otherwise only to text me 2 days later like nothing had happened. He never gave up either! Even if he said goodbye forever he'd be back in my DMs a week later, or 3 months later! Now he's blocked everywhere, even his number. Only way to get rid off him. I swear he'd be showing up at my door instead if he lived closer by.
I also dated a narcissist once, my first love was one. Very unfortunate first relationship.
There's nothing wrong with you, it's common when you're a good person to attract assholes. I know i've had a tendency to be naive in life, people have called me that, but really I used to just try and see the best in people. Now I do the opposite instead, lol... It's like they wanna come and suck all the light out of you to make their own shitty lives a little bit brighter. Just try to let it go and rememeber the red flags from those guys so you can be more wary in the future.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  There didn't seem to be many if any "red flags" eight the 3rd guy.. though there were yellow/Orange flags by him saying he is separated from his wife and the only reason why they're not divested is because of the kids.. and the fact that he is quite "easy going"
  
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  - ellnell
    
    3 years ago
    
    Yeah sometimes they're hard to spot but in those cases it's even less your fault. It's always the fault of the person who chooses to use someone else or mistreat them somehow. That's just not something a normal person does.
    
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bbrown95

3 years ago

It sounds like you've come across a lot of the wrong guys. The main thing you need to do is up your standards. However, if you're asking if you deserved to be treated like this, absolutely not. But, the only thing you can do to prevent it in the future is to be pickier about the guys you allow into your life.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  Be picker or just not bother.. since I seriously thinking if u have had this much bad luck in regards to guys.. I think I'm destined to be alone..
  
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  - bbrown95
    
    3 years ago
    
    I think that about myself as well, but to be honest I've chosen to be alone, at least for now. It's worth it to wait until the right person comes along, and it's much better to be alone than with the wrong person.
    
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Is it normal and is it my fault