Is it normal after this to question your whole relationship?

63% Normal
5 Comments

Let's say you're in a relationship, not just any, a really fucking good one. This person understands you and vice versa, you feel like you guys have some genuine life partner chemistry going on.

Just a few months shy of two years you are having a sick day and found yourself home alone while your significant other is at work. You get on the computer and open the web browser to find their facebook wide open. ..Temptation takes over and suddenly you find some old messages between your devoted partner and members of the opposite sex. They were dated back when you were together for maybe 4 months or more. Thinking it was just innocent conversation you almost close the window and forget about it, but you notice an exchange of phone numbers and couldn't resist further.

You begin to uncover multiple conversations where your partner got phone numbers from these strangers and wanted to hang out. The pain with each sentence increases your anger and soon you see these people were given very nice compliments by your partner. How betrayed must you feel, those first few months were full of (what you thought to be) love.

Does this count as cheating-emotionally? Or at all?

I can tell you it surely feels that way, I feel cheated out of honesty. How am I supposed to just ignore the fact my partner was behaving like this? We have already started building a life together. He told me that nothing happened and he doesn't want anyone but me(Briefly spoke when he came home for lunch) and that he regrets what he did.

But, how does one recover from such a discovery? Can I even be mature enough to try and accept it was the past and pretend it never happened, or is that a naive decision?

Fuck. I need some help, or opinions from you guys. I'm still pretty shocked right now and can't figure out if I still love him or if I'm still fucking pissed. It's hard to look at him without thinking about it, I feel like it's soiled what a perfect fucking thing we have going. Anyways, thanks to those who actually read this.

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 30 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Jeaneathean
    10 years ago

    It's the four months threshold here you need to consider properly. Has there been no no potential infidelity after this period? And how serious were you two after four months?

    Additionally: how trustworthy do you feel the relationship is right now? Why did did you succumb to the temptation to look at his FB stuff from back then?

    You obviously need to discuss this whole issue properly: your feelings for one another, your looking at his FB history, and so on. Just (what sounds like) a fairly dismissive lunchtime conversation needs exploring fully if the relationship is to be conducted long term.

    If you do truly love one another this is something which needs to be dealt with.

    I wish you well.

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  • fullhouse
    10 years ago

    Mostly it's a beginning of sad part of your story. Clear things out with the douche n tell him he has lost his privacy right if he wants the relationship. Else asta la vista

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  • bosslady714
    10 years ago

    shitttt, girl, 98% of the time that's just the beginning of it. There is likely a lot of crap you didn't find out about. The stuff he wouldn't be so careless to leave in his FB inbox.. But maybe not. I've been there done that. My boyfriend lost all trust. In our relationship (now it's this way) privacy is a privilege-- NOT A RIGHT. He has NO privacy whatsoever, but that's what he chose. A peek at his FB? I'd demand a "peek" at everything... email, messengers, phone, etc. Just don't make a habit of it if you do find nothing. If he is truly sorry and regrets what he did yada yada yada... he would be more than happy to let you see. That is... if he's truly got nothing to hide.
    Instead of an Insurance Policy, look at it as more of a Reassurance Policy.

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    I'd feel devastated. To me this reaction of yours is completely normal. I suggest that the two of you talk this through.

    I'd fucking demand him to allow me to now and then peek at his phone/FB . If he has nothing to hide, he shouldn't object.
    At least for as long as you feel insecure about it.

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  • NotStrangeBird
    10 years ago

    She's hedging her bets since she thinks her current boyfriend might be a bit too snoopy and sneaky.

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