Is it normal after living out a fantasy to feel weird

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Heya Guys! First time posting here.

My question is kind of strange. I tried to fit it into the title but couldn't really think of a correct one, as there are many parts of this. Please forgive this, it's a lot to get out really.

1) my first ever sexual experience was with a guy. I have had other experiences and have enjoyed them, but afterwards, I felt horrid inside, almost like what i had done was wrong.

2) I feel embarrassed telling women this. I identify as straight, despite enjoying these experiences and having gay fantasies. My current partner actually really loves the idea of me being with guys in a threesome, which is completely new to me, so I came out to her with my other fetishes such as for menstrual blood and cutting, and even found a few like being pissed on. However I do occasionally still get this weird feeling like i shouldn't like this

3) We have been very into the idea of me watching her with another guy, or threesomes/orgies in general, and we are both quite into dominating/being dominated, with us both on the switch. We went to a fetish club to see what fun we could have with the furniture and i froze like a deer in headlights. My head emptied and I had no inclination but to be quiet and sit in a corner. eventually I came out of my shell and we went into the 'couples room' and after that I was back to normal, but it was almost like the previous feelings, but in reverse.

4) Very recently, I asked her to tell me about her sexual experience with other men. It really got me off hearing about it but afterwards i had a feeling like she had cheated on me, like I was really jealous that she had had this amazing time with other guys, but maybe not with me. the feeling eventually went, but I really want her to do it again, but I think those horrid feelings will probably come back and i don't want that.

5) I am also slowly coming to terms that I might actually be bisexual. Although I do not identify as that, I am starting to fantasise more and more about men, and doing things to men in a threesome fantasy, and never imagining one with another woman. I know it isnt, but there is a big part of me that see's this as wrong, which i don't want, but at the same time i don't know how to get rid of it.

So in short, is all of this normal?

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Based on 6 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • LadyLaLa
    11 years ago

    I think your feelings are totally normal. I have been struggling to open up sexually for similar reasons of feeling embarrassed. I'm very shy and feel jealous of those who can express freely their desires and act on them without feeling ashamed. Sharing my feelings with my partner has been an important step in helping me accept my desires as natural. But acting on my fantasies has still been a huge struggle, despite taking action to realize them. Being honest about every feeling, good or bad, and having the support of my partner regardless, is really helping me address the negative ones. I'm still trying to work past them and its hard, but my goal is to feel totally comfortable with my sexuality and for me this has been a good place to start.
    Your partner seems very supportive and willing to entertain your fantasies as well. Discuss your bad feelings with her and any other partners you take. Because the validation that comes from both your partner who cares deeply for you and anyone else who shares your same fantasy may go a long way in helping you move past those negative feelings.

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  • quentari
    11 years ago

    Never feel guilty about fetishes, and maybe you're curious about being straight? :P bisexual is probably an accurate label for you, but leaning towards women which seem to be your preference :)

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    You have nothing to feel bad about. Don't waste your energy feeling guilty about the things you enjoy... you're not hurting anyone. :) Just live your life.

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