Is it horrible that i am repulsed by mentally challenged people?

At the risk of sounding sanctimonious, I do not feel anything but sympathy for people who are retarded, and I do not consider abuse or mistreatment acceptable in any way, shape, or form. However, I am nauseated by everything about mental retardation: the dependency, the flagrant lack of dignity, the glazed, shifty eyes, and the blatant effort it takes for the victim to form a coherent sentence. Previously I attempted to rationalize my disgust or dismiss it as extreme pity, but those are no longer feasible explanations. After having to excuse myself from a meal involving my retarded cousin so I could vomit, it's clearly impossible to refer to my response as pity or some form of projection. Before the thought arises, it wasn't because he was eating in a particularly disgusting manner. If that was the only factor, I doubt I would have felt the way I did, because I'm typically a difficult person to sicken. Considering that I don't have sadistic tendencies or the desire to hurt retarded people, is a feeling of nausea still cruel if it isn't openly displayed?