Is it favouritism?

61% Normal
6 Comments

Hello. I'm not sure where to start. I have two children a son who is 20 months old and a daughter who is 3 years old and has Down Syndrome. Within the last month I have had to seperate from my husband (whole other long story) and so as a single parent I've become very paranoid about doing my best for my children. Times are obviously strained and stressful but in general I feel we are managing. Since the split I have spent more time with my children- I still work full time but I've been getting home earlier to be with them before bed. My problem is that I really worry about my relationship with my daughter. My son is very active, enthusiastic and engaging and is very easy to spend quality time with however I really struggle to achieve this with my daughter. Due to her disability she never comes over and initiates a game, cuddle...or anything. So everything I do with her has to be lead by me and it's just so exhausting. I save a half hour before bed to spend that quality time with both kids by reading stories, doing puzzles etc and they love it. Recently though April's just been screaming and whining so badly prior to this that I have threatened to send her to bed without this special time. She most often continues and so she misses out. I hate that she keeps preventing me from being able to spend the time she deserves with me and as a result I feel like I'm failing as a parent and I catch myself resenting her for that. I just can't stand her whine- it's infuriating. I even ask her 'What's the matter?' and she ignores my plea to help her. Today I tried just cuddling her to calm her down to no avail. Is this terrible twos come later because of her developmental delay? Is this how she is dealing with her daddy not being around anymore? Or am I doing something wrong? What should I do????
I feel such a strong bond with my son and I just love him to bits but over the past weeks I have felt my bond with my daughter just drifting away. Am I not putting in enough effort? Is this favouritism?

Voting Results
61% Normal
Based on 28 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • randomjelly
    13 years ago

    You are a wonderful parent and the world would only benefit for having more like you! I'm glad your worried mind could be eased and I wish you luck!

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  • lsuccv
    13 years ago

    Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your comments. I actually ended up going two days in a row sending my daughter to bed early and then tonight when I talked about our story time she quietened right down. Had such a nice time with her tonight. I'm hoping that maybe she just needed to know the rules- Downs kids are typically quite stubborn so fingers crossed for tomorrow.

    As for getting a break I'm pretty stuffed. My parents live in New Zealand, my ex is from the USA so his whole family are there and my only other family member is my sister who lives 4 and a half hours away. I think you're all right though- stress is a contributing factor to my worries. As for specialist help, I'm a teacher in a Special Needs school and I have also run this by a few colleagues who haven't yet come up with any reasons related to her disability as to why my daughter is behaving in this way. Every kid's different I guess and there is alot going on.

    To be honest It has just put my mind at rest hearing you all say you think I'm doing my best. I just question things when things aren't running smoothly.

    Thanks xx

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  • DefinitelyNotNormal89
    13 years ago

    This is so sad =( but wreckd is right, you do sound like an AMAZING mom and a lot of people would buckle under the pressure you're going through.

    I wouldn't say it's favouritism, your daughter has a disabilty so she is going to act differently to any other child at that way, and being on your own it's a hell of a lot harder to have patience with her.

    You love her just as much as you love your son and it's obvious you're doing right by them. I know parents splitting can have a huge effect on children but as long as you're both there for them they will get through.

    Maybe you need a little time to yourself too? Things wont be as stressful for you, you're in a very difficult situation so you need a little you time too.

    I seriously don't think it's favouritism, you just have different children. I hope you feel better about things =)

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  • CillyMe
    13 years ago

    It also sounds like you are stressed. Give it some time. Maybe look for someone to help you so that you aren't so tired when trying to have your special time.

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  • jensapa
    13 years ago

    Maybe a specialist could help u connect with her an better understand her so then u could meet her needs more an she might not get so frustrated. U sound like a very loving and dedicated mum though so good on you.

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  • wreckd
    13 years ago

    Ohhh. :/ This is a sad situation. You sound like an amazing mother so don't doubt yourself.

    Is there a place you can go to talk to people about this? Maybe someone who is experienced with special needs children can help you or maybe even give tips on how to calm your 3 year old down.

    It does sound like terrible two's at three to me too. My neice went through her terrible two's at three also.

    I really hope you get the help you need and that you'll be able to reconnect with your daughter again. :)

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