Is it fair i have a problem with my girlfriend being in a porn video?

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5 Comments

Hello,

Basically after a number of months of being together my girlfriend told me she was in a porn video a couple years ago. I will emphasise that we are very happy together, we share many similar interests, she wants to plan a long-term future with me etc.

The long and short of it is the film was one of these drunk girls 'go wild' in mansion sort of things, so the girls get invited for a 'photo shoot' and get given loads of drinks, at which point a bunch of male porn stars show up and usually end up fucking the drunk girls.

So my girlfriend told me she ended up being filmed fucking three guys (vaginal and anal, one at a time and protected)and that the resulting film release really changed her outlook on life/sex etc with her being incredibly remorseful and never being interested in it again.

I appreciate that it was way before I ever knew her but I am really struggling coming to terms with the fact she would ever do something like this. Mainly I see it as an incredibly irresponsible act that really shows how little self-respect she had for herself at one time which is such a massive contrast to the person she appears to be today.

I continually think of her in this way as basically a slut, and I'm not someone who thinks of sexually promiscuous women as bad or morally reprehensible but its the fact she fucked three guys in a row on film and seemingly had no problem with it at the time. It also begs the question of why she behaves so differently today i.e. is it only because of the mass rejection and criticism she received from many of her (ex) friends and that in fact she would still be doing this kind of thing if she knew she could do it in a risk free way?

I understand the general concept that because it was in the past/she was honest with me/ she's "changed"/ it shouldn't matter if we care about each other but I can't seem to shake this lack of respect I have for her for being so unashamedly promiscuous in having sex with three guys one after another and voluntarily advertising her genitals for the sake of a "unique experience" with her justification being "they had good bodies and big dicks/ I was interested to see what fucking a porn star would be like/ they didn't give me any special attention and that turned me on" (her words not mine). Thus there is this seeming duality in her description of the situation, she really regrets it but I sense a lot of the residual sexual impulse that drove her to do it are still very much apparent.

Is it normal I have these deep-seated moral problems with her actions or is the normal response to just deal with the present situation which is admittedly really good?

I would add that the video is basically unreachable online any more as it was very amateur although I have not seen it myself.

Any USEFUL responses would be much appreciated.

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Based on 11 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • dom180
    10 years ago

    The thing that I would find most hurtful about this that someone I loved had someone take advantage of them on film while they were drunk and in no position to make a responsible decision. The whole thing sounds very seedy and predatory, especially seeing as they had to get the girls drunk first.

    I suppose you have to realise that people have to make mistakes to realise what is right for them, which inevitably means everyone does things they later regret. She was drunk and single so you can't expect her to have made a responsible decision because she wasn't thinking the way she usually would.

    If you find the mere idea of promiscuous sex wrong, you'll have a hard time finding a partner since it's something a lot of people have done. Promiscuous sex doesn't mean you lack self-respect. It just means you like sex and don't have lots of inhibitions or were drunk. It's a feeling you should try and get over one way or another. I don't know how you can do that, since it's a feeling I've never personally had.

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    I think you need to try for your sake and hers, to forget about it and move on. You need to come to peace with the fact that the person she was then, isn't the person she is now. It seems like you are sill trying to hold her to what she did back then.

    She was drunk, and also positioned with something most people would find tempting and she broke, because she is human. Not to mention she came out better for it.

    I don't know what it's like to be in that situation, and I can't judge you for feeling this way, but I think you have to try harder to move on from this because of how much you love her.

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  • Shelbs
    10 years ago

    I think you should try your best to get over it, but if you truly can't then you should leave her and find someone who doesn't have such a past. She will also eventually find someone who isn't bothered by her past, and may even be turned on by it.

    I understand why this is upsetting to you. Your girlfriend was recorded having sex with multiple men. And she states that she enjoyed it in some way all while claiming she regrets it. And she enjoyed it in a degrading way. Does she give you lots of sex? She should be, because her past behavior shows that she can despite her regret.

    Think of it like this, you loved her before you knew and the only thing that changed was your knowledge of her past. Any woman you meet in the future could have the same past, and just not tell you. Then you would continue to think that your girl was conservative. It's amazing how a little piece of information from someones past can change a relationships dynamics.

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  • Energy
    10 years ago

    I honestly think you should leave her. Because she deserves better. Someone who will respect her. Regardless if she did or does porn. And there is guys that will still respect her believe it or not. I don't see anything wrong with doing porn. Men or women. And I can't believe you're making this such a big deal.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I would have a permanent change of perception of the person after that kind of discovery. I would probably just disappear on a binge for a couple months.

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