Is it considered cheating if my husband was there and was ok with it?

65% Normal

Hi all, so my husband and I (both 27) have been married for three years. He was the jealous type of guy until a year ago. Lately, I noticed that he’s been buying very revealing clothes and bikinis for me which I kind of liked because they make me feel super sexy. Anyways, we were at a party last night and I was dancing and trying to get him to dance with me but a random guy stepped in and asked if he could dance with me. My husband told him to go ahead and although I’d usually say no, this time I didn’t mind because he was really cute and it was just a dance which my husband approved. It was normal until he started grabbing me into him tightly. I looked at husband and he seemed to be ok with it so we continued and minutes later, he started kissing gently my neck. I was so turned on, I stopped looking at my husband and just kept going. Our hands were all over each other and I was grinding so hard into him with our lips almost touching. When it was over, I thought my husband would literally kill me but what happened was that we had the best sex ever last night. Now, I’m having mixed feelings and not sure if we should talk about it. Please tell me what guys think and what I should do as I feel like I’ve cheated on him.

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65% Normal

Based on 17 votes (11 yes)

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Comments ( 32 )

farkelu

3 years ago

Definitely not cheating. You were in full view of your husband, and behaving with his tacit approval. What I would have liked to hear is that you two talked about it immediately after. Or certainly after that hot hot sex session. He may have simply tolerated your behavior. Maybe you both would like to talk about future behavior but with boundaries. Maybe he doesn't even KNOW what he wants and is just testing the waters to see how both of you feel about it. But whatever, I think it's important that you two talk about it before it happens again.

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olderdude-xx

3 years ago

This is actually fairly normal for about 10% of the population. In fact; if you have a discussion with your husband (and I suggest you do) you might find out how far he is willing to let you go.

He was OK with what you did - that's consent. It is not cheating.

Some of us have open marriages where each partner has permission for full sex. Those work where there are rules and understandings. They usually don't work long time if there are no rules and it turns into a free for all...

I'd snuggle up with your husband and get him talking about that night and what he thought... and his fantasies... and how far is OK with him. Note though... Things need to balance. What is OK for one needs to be essentially OK for the other, even if they do not act on it.

I wish you the best on this, and have fun...

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  I won’t say no to having fun with other guys if he‘s ok with it but no way in hell I’m letting him have sex with other girls
  
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  - Boojum
    
    3 years ago
    
    That's a position I find perfectly reasonable. There are guys who agree to their wife/girlfriend having sex with another guy just so they can do the "sauce for the goose" thing. That's dishonest and manipulative.
    
    I'm sure it's not uncommon for guys who like the hot-wife thing to agree that they won't be expecting to have sex with another woman. It's part of the negotiation that's necessary before the couple gets into this and it's vital that both people are very clear on the ground rules.
    
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jodi1955

3 years ago

i believe if both of you are ok with it, there is no harm. enjoy yourself and keep and open communication with hubby and keep it real

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  Thank you!
  
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MyZephyr

3 years ago

It's fine, you're husband got off on watching you turn on another guy. Then hammered you in the sack. Good times.
He's probably hoping this is going to progress so he can wank as he watches you fuck another. It won't be cheating, he wants it.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  My husband is not sick or weak and has always been capable of satisfying me sexually so it’s definitely NOT what you’re saying
  
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  - GaelicPotato
    
    3 years ago
    
    you're in denial. He's a pathetic cuck.
    
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Boojum

3 years ago

Some people have a rigid, specific, unshakeable definition of cheating, so there are those who would be disgusted by what you did. But then there are people who believe that even one sexual fantasy about someone other than your partner is cheating. At the other extreme, there are couples who are into the swinging or hot-wife lifestyle who have no problems with their partner having sex with someone else, but have boundaries that include things like lying, secrecy and emotionally separating from the original partner.

It's not that uncommon for a guy to find it arousing when he sees his girlfriend or wife turning on another guy and getting turned on herself. Sometimes there's a kick in knowing that the other guy has been left aroused by the woman, but he's actually going home with her and fucking her - sort of a proprietorial thing. Some guys have fantasies that their partner is a porn star that all other guys lust for. Sometimes it's about reminding a guy who have may have started to take his partner for granted that she's actually hot. Some guys can find jealousy - which is basically the fear of losing something you value - sexually arousing in a weird way, and it can spur them to be more passionate.

I have no idea why your husband has started buying you more revealing clothing, but that doesn't sound to me like something a jealous guy would do. Maybe he just feels more secure about your relationship now, maybe he's come to realise that one of the above factors turns him on, or maybe there's something else going on.

You're clearly confused and guilty about what happened, so I would suggest that you talk to him about what happened at the party, what happened when you got home and your conflicted feelings about it all. I'd suggest you do this at some point when you're both in a relaxed, happy state of mind and you're not in a situation that normally leads to you having sex. You might find that he's not really sure what the hell was going on in his head (or at least not willing to admit it), but if he feels that you're open to listening when he has figured it out, you may eventually discover something that allows you to have a much more interesting and fulfilling relationship.

There's no shortage of people who have strong opinions about the precise rules you should follow in your marriage in order to do it 'right' and be 'normal', but the fact is that you two are free to negotiate whatever rules work best for you. However, one fundamental rule that isn't a matter of opinion in any successful, long-term relationship is that both people have to be willing to clearly communicate what they're feeling and wanting, open to hearing the same from the other person (in a non-judgemental way, as much as possible) and willing to work on finding whatever compromise works best.

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YE

3 years ago

No. I suspect your husband is planning to kill you while you're asleep.

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have_a_good_day

3 years ago

It's not normal to be a slutass bitchface

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Somenormie

3 years ago

I vote not normal.

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- LloydAsher
  
  3 years ago
  
  The majority of us also think that
  
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jethro

3 years ago

So what part of "forsaking all others" didn't you understand when you took your wedding vows? It's cheating. Even if your husband is a cuckold.

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- LloydAsher
  
  3 years ago
  
  I agree with that statement. I find cuckholding to be completely abhorrent, while swinging to be moderately fine. Why? Because in swinging you are just trading partners but you still love eachother, it's like mixing it up. Cuckholding you are actively encouraging your wife to cheat on you and you have to pick up the scraps. It's like having a wife that is 100% ok with you constantly cheating on her which I find to be horrendous behavior.
  
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  - Boojum
    
    3 years ago
    
    I think there's a fine distinction there that will be lost on many people.
    
    My definition of cuckolding - and it seems to be the same as yours - is when a guy encourages his wife or girlfriend to go out and pick up guys, fuck them and then come home to tell him about what happened in detailed terms that are intended to be demeaning to him.
    
    With swinging or the hot-wife scene, the husband/boyfriend is present when the woman is having sex and he often becomes actively involved. As long as everyone is consenting to everything that happens in that scenario, and the established couple are prepared and emotionally mature enough to deal with the potential fallout, I see nothing wrong with that.
    
    I do question how healthy cuckoldry is, since it fundamentally involves a guy being told that he's useless and pathetic, but if the woman is happy to play that role and that's what rocks his boat...
    
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    - LloydAsher
      
      3 years ago
      
      I dont think cuckoldry is healthy. It's about as healthy as an emotionally abusive relationship. Because if you were swinging both parties are "in the wrong"
      
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  - jethro
    
    3 years ago
    
    If you gain sexual pleasure watching your wife have sex with another man, you are a cuckold.
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  It was innocent in the beginning but later we couldn’t control ourselves and my husband is not a cuckold
  
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  - jethro
    
    3 years ago
    
    Look up the definition of cuckold.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      Having doubts now but still don’t know how to approach it
      
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      - Boojum
        
        3 years ago
        
        How you approach it is by picking a moment when you're both in a positive frame of mind, and you tell him that you're confused about something that has happened and you'd like to know his perspective.
        
        The stereotype that it's only pathetic, 'beta' dweebs who are into the hot-wife/swinging scene is ignorant and just plain wrong. A lot of the guys who believe this have a very rigid, fundamentally childish view of morality and many of them are so deeply insecure that their natural reaction is an explosion of insane jealousy if 'their' woman so much as looks at another guy.
        
        It's good that your husband is capable of satisfying you sexually, but some guys get off on the hot-wife scenario precisely because they love to see their wife/partner enjoying sex, and they have a fantasy of teaming up with another guy to give her even more.
        
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GaelicPotato

3 years ago

your husband is a pathetic cuck.

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bigbudchonga

3 years ago

You haven't cheated on him; I think you married a cuckold

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  My husband is a real man and not a cuckold
  
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  - bigbudchonga
    
    3 years ago
    
    I mean, in a sense it's just a kink right? I understand that's a bit like "ahh, dude, that's pretty pathetic", but he probably doesn't really want to raise another guy's kid and that. It's like when a girl wants you to slap her arse and call her a whore, she doesn't really want to become a whore, it's just a sexual thing.
    
    From what you've been describing though, and this could be wrong because he could have been looking away the whole time whilst you were kissing him, but it seems like your husband kind of tacitly set up a situation encouraging you to tongue another man, and then later you guys had really good sex. Once again, it's not difficult to put the pieces together and land at a reasonable conclusion as to why.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      I’ve never been with a guy who’s open minded to that extent let alone knowing that my husband is a cuckold. I just did some reading on cuckolding and it kind of adds up. He bought me this dress for the party:
      
      https://images.app.goo.gl/DjMv2WnmBaGmWpoYA
      
      and was ok with a hot random guy to dance with me, kiss me and put his hands all over my body. Is there any way to find out without confronting him?
      
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      - bigbudchonga
        
        3 years ago
        
        It's kind of a tough one tbh. I suppose you could ask him his sex fantasies and come out with a really crazy one yourself in the hopes that he sees your confidence and opens up. Alternatively you could put yourself in a similar situation again and just sort of push the boat a bit and see if it goes the same way again. I think if it does go the same way again the evidence would be increasingly mounting for the cuckold theory.
        
        Confronting him in a comfortable setting is probably the only way you're going to know for certain though. I suppose you could tell him a sexual fantasy that turns you on would be two guys and a girl and then gauge his reaction, or something like that, but if he's the jealous type as you said then he might get pissed off that you brought it up.
        
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      - Boojum
        
        3 years ago
        
        I fully agree with the idea that women should be free to wear whatever they want and it's not their problem if guys get the wrong idea that they're sexually available.
        
        But when your husband bought you that dress for the party, there's no fucking way that the message he intended you to send was, "Hands off! I belong to my husband!"
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        3 years ago
        
        I’ve always gone topless on the beach since high school because I hate tan lines but that definitely doesn’t mean I’m giving the guys around me the green light to be hands on!
        
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FromTheSouthWeirdMan

3 years ago

It happens

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Are You Normal?

Is it considered cheating if my husband was there and was ok with it?