Is it a negative thing to be prude?

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15 Comments

I feel like being a prude gets looked down upon.
I'm a woman 24 years old and i've never had sex even though i've dated plenty. Can't say the desire hasn't been there but i've turned all advances down because I don't need sex and because i'm not comfortable with it. Maybe that's an issue but if so it won't help me to get pressured into it.
The guy I most recently dated first made me comfortable enough to open up to him and even share this with him, then at a later point he shamed me for it and said all guys I meet will cheat on or ditch me if I don't sleep with them fast and that if I care about him at all like he cares about me I have sex with him instead of torturing him and damaging his sense of manlihood. That was a very bad negative experience for me. He also tried to encourage me to drink whenever we hung out even though he didn't... Then there are respectful men. I've even slept with men without having sex and if an advance has happened one "no" has been enough. So I guess i'm lucky in that sense.
Earlier a guy i've been talking to started asking me about my relations though. I told him the last guy I dated was too pushy and sexual so we didn't work out. He was like okay and went on to ask me if we ever had sex and then he was really shocked by my reply and asked when was the last time I even had sex at all??? And I felt really offended by that reaction.
Sex is REALLY important to people and I just can't relate and on top of that I feel very bothered when someone brings the topic up. It feels dirty to openly talk about such things.
So i'm a total prude. I don't know why really.

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 10 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • mouldiwarp
    3 years ago

    Relationships without sex are completely normal. People would think I’m a prude I’ll bet, because I’m asexual and a celibate.

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  • ibrokemyds
    3 years ago

    Not at all, good for you for knowing your boundaries and sticking to them. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you feel comfortable before having sex.

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  • bbrown95
    3 years ago

    As a fellow prude who feels very similarly to you about sex (though to be honest, I've never even had the desire), yes, it's completely okay to not do something you don't feel comfortable doing and simply don't want to.

    That guy sounds extremely manipulative and toxic, and I'm glad he's out of your life. The crap he said about guys cheating on girls who don't have sex with them fast is nonsense if it's a good quality guy. While most guys getting into a relationship will eventually want sex, most decent ones are not expecting it right away at the very start of dating. Having sex with guys fast is a good way to get used for sex.

    With that being said, the downside of relationships for someone who isn't interested in sex is that it is pretty much an expectation at some point for most people seeking out relationships. So, it's probably best to either seek out an asexual partner. It is still possible to date as an asexual, however, but your dating pool will be significantly narrowed. You will probably need to be upfront in the beginning about the fact that you have no desire for sex, since most people crave it in a relationship and it is a part of their "love language", and to be honest, it isn't really fair to be in a relationship with someone who craves sex if you don't (and to be fair, asexuals/people who don't want sex for any reason are in the vast minority). Good upfront communication should ensure you're both on the same page about sex.

    If rather than not having sex at all, you'd rather just wait for sex, you shouldn't have an issue finding someone with similar values who doesn't mind waiting.

    I'm not big on talking about sex, either. It simply doesn't interest me, and I fail to see why everyone seems so fascinated by it. Thankfully, it hasn't a frequent topic of discussion with the people I've been around since high school. I totally agree with SkullsNRoses that no mature person cares if you're a virgin after 21.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    “Prude” and “frigid” are words used by men to shame women into sleeping with them, ever noticed how there are no male “prudes”? It sounds to me like you just have a low sex drive and you don’t deserve to be demonised for that. The trash has taken itself out here, fuckboys will want to fuck quickly, the clue’s in the name.

    It’s completely ok to want a partner with a low sex drive who is willing to wait a while before getting physically intimate, they don’t grow on trees the way fuckboys do but it will be worth the wait. No mature person cares about whether you’re a “virgin” after 21.

    You will probably get a few “no guy will want you” comments on here, ignore them, they’re not from the kind of guy you want to be with.

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    • Clunk42
      3 years ago

      I've heard "prude" used to describe males way more than I've heard it used to describe females.

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      • SkullsNRoses
        3 years ago

        Really? In what context?

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        • Clunk42
          3 years ago

          Just in general speech among older gen z-ers (similar to myself) in north Florida.

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  • Tommythecaty
    3 years ago

    People do have a right to want a full relationship, it is their time and energy after all. If you don’t want to have sex ever then don’t date people who do, which is most people.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      True I agree and my ex was fine with the relationship we had but many guys wouldnt be but I think its fine to say so and not be mean about it and its not like I could never imagine doing it but it would probably take someone very respectful and patient

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      • Tommythecaty
        3 years ago

        Just have to find someone like minded I suppose. Might be a little harder given they’d have to be of that mindset, and click in the other ways too.

        But it’ll happen I’m sure.

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      • Bazinga
        3 years ago

        It would be nice if you had a male companion for office parties, weddings, and other such events. Seriously, you could make friends with a closeted gay guy. Many of them enjoy brother-sister type friendships, and have trouble finding women who respect their boundaries.

        The point is that you would seem to do better with a high quantity of casual friends, rather than one or two intense friendships.

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  • John671671
    2 years ago

    What’s up with this chic? She started dating those men for?? She must like messing with them.

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  • LondonGoldman
    3 years ago

    It is gonna be hard to find a decent guy thats going to be willing to be celebate his entire life.

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  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    Better to give up dating then.

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  • Mini69
    3 years ago

    Sex is a normal and healthy part of a relationship. I’m sorry to have to say this love, but you need to drop your drawers and move out of the 1920’s and into the 2020’s. So long as you pick a decent man and make sure he wears a raincoat, you have nothing to worry about. Tell him it’s your first time and make sure he goes slowly. Then lay back and enjoy.

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