Is is normal for a man to want his wife to look like a rake?

11% Normal
38 Comments

I have a husband who is only happy with my weight if I am the same as when we got married, which was underweight. I am 5.7" and weighed 54kg. Over time I picked up about 5kg and husband was not happy with it. In desperation to please him I lost weight until I was rake thin. Then he loved my body. You could count my ribs and I had no breasts. But I felt awful! I felt that it was not about ME and picked up weight. I am now 75kg but still don't look fat, just rounded. I have breasts and love it! But same story. Our sex life is disgusting, he obviously does not like my body and when i asked him he said yes I am too fat. Am I abnormal? and what can i do to get him to find me sexy like before?

Voting Results
11% Normal
Based on 170 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 38 )
  • soccernerd12
    12 years ago | pl

    Leave the jerk. You deserve better!

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  • squirrelgirl
    12 years ago | pl

    Your husband is a sad example of how the media has brainwashed the masses into wanting women to look like barbie dolls. You should buy him one of those plastic skeletons you get around Halloween and say, "Here's your new girlfriend!"

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      Thanks! appreciated that. I am sure the media has a huge influence on the way men perceive the 'ideal' woman.

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      • RBP1
        8 years ago

        trust me not all guys are like this.. im not and none of my friends are.. although i love bigger women.. loved my size 10 ex to bits but love my size 18 wife even more

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  • Faceless
    12 years ago

    Dump him... in the river.

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  • IlovePapaRoach
    12 years ago

    Ew who stays with a stupid idiot like THAT. obviously he doesn't love u for who YOU r. Leave him in the cruelest coldest way

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    • RBP1
      8 years ago

      ok so what would be the cruelest coldest way? just so I can see it coming if it ever does..

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  • eternalsmoke31
    12 years ago

    wow she weighs like 165 lbs that not bad for 5'7...i guess you should be a good wife and take him to the nearest middle school cafeteria and let him have his pick....

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  • overweightdoomsayer
    12 years ago

    5kg is nothing!Your husband is a little bit crazy,isn't he? Your weight and height sound healty t me,don't let him get to you by allowing him to critisize your body it is bad for your self estem.If he doesn't listen kick him in the nuts.Just kidding.....Just tell him to put up or shut up....He needs to grow up and deal with it...It's not like you're obese for fuck's sake!

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      Hello, yes I am not obese, I carry my weight evenly and wow he has also put on at least ten kilo's since we got married - more than 25 years ago. So does it not work both ways?

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    He is being honest with what he wants that doesnt mean you have to agree with it. I am not saying he is wrong for telling the truth about what he likes. He is saying what he likes if you dont like it then you shouldnt be with someone who you feel is insulting. I would say leave him and have self pride because its your body but at the same time all he has done is tell you what he wants. There is nothing wrong with him I wouldnt even say he is mean because like I have said about 5 times he is only saying what he wants. Basicly if you dont like it then leave him. You are normal to ask this.

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      Thanks, appreciate your comment. Yes he has a right to what he likes, fair enough. I have never made an issue about his weight. He has put on at least 10kg since we got married more than 25 years ago. But don't you think he has to accept that a woman's shape changes after having children and that it is quite normal to put on some weight. I certainly don't look overweight, just average. I am a happy person, enjoy sex, give him massages, clip his toenails, am his best friend, have fun with him, so what more does a guy want and why can he not just accept that 25 years on his wife's body has changed but it can still be attractive. I have asked male friends who are very honest with me and all have said that I look great with more weight on.

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        I am not saying that you wouldnt look better with a little bit more weight on I think the women that are super skinny look awful so im pretty sure that putting on a little bit of weight isnt a bad thing. It sound slike you do quite alot of things for your partner and I think you should ask him to do some things for you for a change.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Wow such a big deal. 5kg isn't the fucking end of the world. He's such a baby. If he's perfect in your eyes maybe you should try to lose the 5 kg but it really shouldn't be a problem to start with. You're normal, he isn't. Sex shouldn't be getting worse cause he thinks you're fat :/

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  • rayst
    12 years ago

    Wtf?? You gain 20 kilos and you expect him to desire you just as much?! I think it's a good thing that he tells you, cause i could feel too bad telling it, maybe i would just dump you.

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      I realise what you say. Twenty kg sounds a lot, but when I was so thin I constantly got comments from people asking me why I am so thin and saying to me I look tired. Now nobody does and I feel so much better.

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  • Pristine
    10 years ago

    Leave that asshole. I am 5 feet 7 inches and currently weigh 73 kgs. My husband has always been lean and no matter what he eats (he eats twice as me) he does not gain. He also wanted me to lose some weight in the beginning but now he knows that I cannot lose much even if I eat less and workout. I eat around 1400 calories per day and I do exercise 4 - 5 times a week yet I do not lose much. I am big boned, big breasted and I do not have a tummy and I fit in US size 10 - 12. I do not look overweight at all, just healthy maybe. I have never been considered too thin but no one ever called me fat. Please do not listen to that jerk; does he love you only for your body? You should not be with him on the first place. Eating healthy and staying happy is far more important than satisfying a guy just because you got married to him. If he loves you, he will accept you (the only concern he should be having with your weight is in case you weigh too much, which might cause health issues). And all other people here, 75 kgs is NOT fat for 5' 7, if you've really seen some real girls with that height and weight.

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  • firefly88
    12 years ago

    So you are not his physical type. Time to move on to chubby chasers

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  • DhGlory
    12 years ago

    :/ 54kg at 5ft 7 isn't underweight? I'm 5ft 10 and i'm only 60kg but i'm still not underweight even for a male my bmi is 18.9 which is still not underweight, but yeah your husband sounds like a full on cunt if you'll pardon my French.

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  • koko91
    12 years ago

    if you like him that much lose weight , if you don't , well you go and DUMP him

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  • alv1592
    12 years ago

    Y'all weigh yourselves in kilos? How many pounds is 5kg?
    Anyway, he sounds like a jerk. If he really loves you, your weight shouldn't matter.

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  • georgienne
    12 years ago

    A lot of these comments seem to be misled: do not assume he's a twat of a guy who's dragging her down for his pleasure. If he likes thin, then he does: it's your fault you think he shouldn't. She should've know that he likes thin and how thin, she probably knew, and kept it up, but can't hold her weight any longer. It's no fault of hers, but she needs to explain she can't keep the weight off, and for her health he'll have to deal. None of us are as attractive as at our marriages, that's why it's called our 'prime.' he has a right to be displeased, but he does have to except it.
    If you'd leave your guy because he piled on pounds and didnt care, it'd be the same situation.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    That's absolutely disgusting on his part. I'm sure you must love him, but my god let me tell you that's absolutely DISGUSTING of him.

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  • Username7
    12 years ago

    I didn't know they had scales in the kitchen.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    rakes have a habit of hitting you in the face if you tread on them the wrong way..just a comforting thought

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  • BfingIToucher
    12 years ago

    I'm imagining you haven't had kids yet? Boy, those bodily changes of yours are going to throw him for a loop. He sounds superficial and immature. I hope you can work through this, but after my ten years of marriage I know from experience that 5 kg is a minor issue compared to what else might pop up. None of us look like our bride-selves as the years roll by. (Nor will he stay a dapper groom!). And there are much bigger challenges you will face together that have nothing to do with the shallowness of your outward appearances. He needs to love and support you no matter what. That's the promise he made.

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      I really appreciate your comment. It makes me feel 'normal' as I was starting to feel guilty about not doing more about my weight, like going on a starvation diet. I really think that he has the issue in himself. He is super concerned about his own weight, always making comments about it and trying to lose. Maybe he feels out of control? I have had two children and have been married for more than 25 years, so surely there is some changes expected? I always dress properly and never greet him at the door with curlers in my hair and slippers on!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I'm quiet young and have never been married but I think this guy is a tosser and you should ask him what he really thinks and wants about your body or leave him :D

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  • flax
    12 years ago

    75kg for 5"7 is fine. It would be considered healthy. Anyone who tells you any different is a nonsensical bohemian of a moron and deserve nothing than a smash to the head-consequently, with a rake. Tell him to f off - love yourself for who you are. You are healthy and anyone that expects you to look like a starving waif is a loser. I'm so mad I would run him over with a dump truck myself! :|

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      Wow your comment really cheered me up! :-) thanks for that. I felt like doing that, but in reality I love the guy. I married him for 'better or worse' and just would like to be accepted for what I am. I know he loves me, but it really hurts when he has such a strong feeling about weight.

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  • randomjelly
    12 years ago

    ^ you beat me to it

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  • howaminotmyself
    12 years ago

    My husband likes it when I look like a hoe. But the shovel look isn't so flattering. And the rake is even less so.

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  • georgienne
    12 years ago

    Well, it's sad you're uncomfortable with your previous weight (which is good), but he probably thought that you were happy with it (he may know it's such an unhealthy weight) and liked it then and thought you'd stay the same. You've now changed weight so made him misunderstand what he 'signed up for.'
    I doubt you've gained enough to drastically change shape, but probably fill out. You need to tell him that THIS (and maybe more lbs) is your ideal weight and his opinion is now irrelevant. Explain it's unhealthy and while you used to do it for his pleasure, you're now doing it for yours.
    He needs to understand this.

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      Sure, he 'signed up' liking what he got. But then I did the same. In the meantime he has had numerous bouts of depression which I did not 'sign up' for, and I have supported him through it. I have gone through menopause with minimal symptoms, and probably the worst was putting on weight easily. This is new to me as I never had that issue. But as I said, he has also put on 10 kgs so what about the deal I got?

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  • BoredGuy
    12 years ago

    5kgs is nothing indeed. But 75kg is quite a lot, i wouldn't want to have sex with you either and I know this sounds awful and but advice but i'm being honest.

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    • lc1988
      12 years ago

      I agree. 75kg is a lot even for being 5 7. The BMI for this does say overweight. Isn't there some kind of middle ground between 54 and 75 that you both could be happy with? I sometimes get offended when my bf makes comments about if I ever get fat he'll make me go to the gym but then I think that if he gained weight I would say something to him as well. I hope you guys can find a compromise!

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      • happypanther
        12 years ago

        Well thanks, I would not mind if he said losing 5kgs will be ok, or even 10kgs. But as I said, he was only happy with my weight when I was rake thin and underweight and i don't want to go there again as i did not feel well at all. I am so much more healthy now and feel good in myself. How can I get him to appreciate my new body and see it as sexy? or will this never change?

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    • happypanther
      12 years ago

      A woman with curves, a firm, rounded bottom and flat tummy? But I take your point. It's probably not what he married, i.e. a rake with a flat bottom and no chest.

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