Is incest normal?
My first sexual experience was with a sister that is several years older. She pulled the covers over me and asked me to rub her down there. I didn't know what I was doing. Then, it happened a few more times and I just did it without knowing it was "sexual". when I got to the age that she was when it first happened, and "more interested" she had boyfriends and didn't want to, so i got my other sister to do it a few times. Then she showed me how she would hide in my mom's closet and rub herself while watching my mom. I was 2 yrs younger and didn't exactly know it was "wrong" but knew we would be in trouble for watching. for a while, we would hide in there and rub ourselves or each other until it got to where we tried sex. our mom played with her butt and my sister wanted to try it. we did it a couple of times and then she stopped wanting to "play".
When we got older and were dating, I was jealous of her boyfriends and would try and run them off, but we had nothing going on between us.
I guess she sensed that I was still thinking about it, cause one night after I ran a boyfriend off, she was angry and got naked and asked me if that is what I wanted. I started to play with her, but felt bad and stopped and left.
A few years later, we were sharing a house and she would come in my room in the mornings in her underwear and get on top of me and tickle me and got a little frisky, but just on the verge of sexual and I made a few attempts at going there but she would always laugh and run off like it was a game of tease.
this went on for the year that we lived together even while she had a BF. She moved for a job and we are both married now and have kids. I have had a couple of "on the edge of the subject" conversations with her when conversation led to something sexual. We used to be very close, and talked about anything. She would give me sexual advice with GF's or relationship talk or whatever.
The thing is, I haven't really been able to move on from it all. I fantasize about being with her or the first times with my other sister and it still is a big turn on for me. I also, think about watching my mom and think about that. I have told my wife about it all and she is actually somewhat turned on by it. Sometimes, she will ask me if I thinking about that stuff.
It makes me feel bad, but I can't help it.
I feel like I am trapped in this sexual mentality and I would like to find some peace in it.
I honestly feel like I was subjected to it initially and it isn't my fault that it turns me on after so much exposure to it.