Is domestic violence against women solely an issue involving men?

17 Comments

I live in Australia and in recent years great initiatives have been put forward to try and combat the alarming rates of domestic violence in this country against women. The onus is always on the man, they are trying to teach boys from a young age how to behave respectfully towards women and high profile male sportspeople and celebrities have to be careful what they say in the media as not to have their comments graded as suggestively disrespectful of women.

I have known men in relationships that have put up with years of psychological abuse from the female. Some have been able to deal with this abuse (not always in healthy ways) and others have resorted to violence in that moment they crack. I don't condone violence at all, all this is about is the seemingly complete lack of recognition for a female role in the root cause of this violence.

What are your thoughts?

its 100% the man's fault	8
I see your point but it has to start with the man	8
it's at least a 50/50 issue	12
can't we all just get along?	12
other	5

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Comments ( 17 )

ogrelord

7 years ago

IMO there are more cases of domestic violence on woman, the reason why it's more focused on, HOWEVER this doesn't mean woman can't abuse men because it can and does happen, like you've said.

I think we should focus a bit more on men being in domestic abuse from women because honestly you rarely ever hear of it despite it happening, but women should be the most focused on due to the much higher (and fatal) chance of it happening.

Basically we should work to stop both in the end, but it isn't surprising that you hear woman being abused more. It's 100% the mans fault if he chooses to physically harm and abuse a woman even if she was abusing him first, this would be the same if a woman struck first and physically harmed a man. (Unless your defending your life or someone elses.)

Violence is never the answer unless it's a fight or die situation.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  great answer, thanks!
  
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- Gurl_Power
  
  7 years ago
  
  Another issue is how the "empowered" women of today seem to think that they are allowed to be physical with a man while the man must restrain himself because of his overpowering physical strength.
  
  Sure a man can then tell himself, I'll just sit back and call the cops. But very few men want to involve police with the reasoning "my wife is beating me up". I know I would laugh at that.
  
  It gets more confusing with the idea of "gender equality". Does that scenario seem very "gender equal" to you?
  
  In western society most men are so confused or just downright afraid of the power the modern woman can wield with just an accusation against them we don't even bother with women. I know several guys around my age that feel the same way. I wouldn't say I'm MGTOW, but I can definitely understand how a social movement like that gains credibility and a following in this day and age.
  
  I know women who will actively defend the idea that females should be allowed to try out for men's professional sports teams. Call me whatever term you want, but that is an absolutely ridiculous idea.
  
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  - ogrelord
    
    7 years ago
    
    No, that situation isn't equal and the problem stems from men not wanting to report these incidents due to like you just said, "I know I would laugh at that."
    
    Just because an average woman may be slightly physically weaker than an average man doesn't mean she can't do serious damage, whether it be mentally or physically. The problem here is that men think their too tough or that reporting abuse from a woman is suddenly going to take their manliness away.
    
    Now this isn't the mens fault, it's more based on the media and what we expect from a man (strong, both emotionally and physically.) but is this going too far when we find it funny when a man is being abused by a woman?
    
    My opinion isn't wavering, again I only think violence is right if you are in a fight or die situation, such as someone pulling out a gun on you or someone running at you with a knife.
    
    On the sports thing I can understand why some women would want that, and to be honest if this was accepted some woman would be able to play on par with the men, but a majority of them wouldn't due to either their body shape or lack of strength. Again though there are woman who are stronger and could probably play a sports team with men fine, but there are not many that could do that. I'm kind of on the side on this, but I think it really would never get accepted. There'd be an outcry if TV showed a woman being tackled or something to the ground by a man (which again is all the medias fault.)
    
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wigz

7 years ago

The ones most harmed physically by DV are women. Death is real, severe injuries are real...and it's demonstatable to the general public. And it's also the worst that can happen to you. Of course the main focus should be on that because your physical health and life are most important and the group most affected by loss of life and severe injury are women and most of the time the perpetrator is a man. That's just how it is. Anybody can be abused but men simply are not abused as much or as severely as women are in any respect. Society is just dealing with it on a traige basis...who needs the help most to save life and limb. It's not discounting problems, it's just prioritizing certain high-risk cases. If we could get people to stop killing or beating women to a bloody pulp, then maybe we could have more resources to direct to other forms of abuse.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Your answers are always so thought provoking because they're so well articulated. Thank you.
  
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theseeker

7 years ago

I see what you're saying and it's a valid point. Abuse can work both ways. I agree with the points others have already made on this. I think men abusing women is a much bigger threat.

I would like to add men are much more capable of inflicting physical pain in addition to the psychological abuse you're talking about. I also think physical abuse affects you psychologically, so it's like a "double whammy." If someone is physically harming you, it's gonna make you afraid of walking away because you're going to associate leaving the situation with a memory of being harmed physically.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  You make a very good point
  
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_Mehhhh_

7 years ago

Usually it's 100% on the abuser, with some exceptions. Almost all domestic violence isn't logical or justifiable. It's usually insecure people who can't handle an independent self-driven partner who doesn't give them un-divided attention.

I'm careful to say "abuser" and not "the man", because yes there are situations where men are violently abused by female partners. Domestic violence can also happen in gay couples.

Abuse also comes in many forms though. As you said there is psychological abuse, which can come in the form of shouting, degrading, manipulation, insults etc. Then there's sexual violence.

I'd have little to no sympathy if a psychological or sexual abuser drove their partner to hit them. However I do still think it's the bigger and better thing to just leave instead of getting violent.

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- Ellenna
  
  7 years ago
  
  "Just leave" is a superficial suggestion: that is very often the trigger for escalated violence and in many cases, murder by male partners and ex-partners.
  
  The difference between psychological and physical abuse is that the former does not threaten life or serious injury: in Australia between 1 and 2 women per week are killed by present or former partners and an even greater number suffer lifelong brain damage and other permanent injury. This cannot be compared with "psychological abuse", whatever the fuck that is
  
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  - charli.m
    
    7 years ago
    
    Psychological anuse would be the degradation, manipulation, etc, used to threaten and control. It may or may not be coupled with physical abuse and can be every bit as serious as physical abuse. The situations you have just described in your comment feature both types.
    
    Are you really that stupid?
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah maybe men need to get out of relationships with psychological abuse before the point where they crack, or that failing, learn non-violent ways to combat it. What I've seen before is years of degrading of the mans character, reach a point where the woman is literally standing over him calling him a piece of shit. And the man pushing the woman off him, and her falling. And that being violence. For me violence is too strong a word for that, but that is how its labelled.
  
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  - Ian_gets_butthurt
    
    7 years ago
    
    Psychological abuse is much harder to prove. You are 100% right in that many men suffer through this type of abuse and just cannot afford a divorce or put up with it until they snap.
    
    When they snap it usually is in a physical way, police become involved and the man ends up looking terrible. Once the cops get called, well here's the evidence she's got a huge bruise.
    
    Who knows how much she provoked it? Who knows what she said? Of course she may have said nothing and the guy just snapped also.
    
    The basic point is physical abuse is VERY easy to prove. Psychological abuse not so much, and even than the onus is on the man to not only prove it, but move past the idea of not "manning up" and dealing with what life throws at you. Essentially looking like a whiner, crying wolf, with the "she hurt my feelings psychologically".
    
    Ian still gets butthurt.
    
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    - Ellenna
      
      7 years ago
      
      Provocation is NO EXCUSE for physical abuse. You do realise that often the "provocation" is that the kids are crying and she can't stop them; she didn't have his dinner on the table when he wanted it; she doesn't want sex when he does; he suspects her of cheating.
      
      Whatever you mean by "Psychological abuse" does not threaten the other person's life or physical health: the two things cannot be compared
      
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      - Idiots
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yes, none of those things would equate to necessary physical violence. What you are wrong on is psychological abuse most certainly does threaten physical health. Any rational person would agree to this. As a recent example from real life look at the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt divorce fiasco. She's keeping his children from any interactions with their father.
        
        Is it reasonable to assume doing that is psychological abuse and damaging to his overall health? Yes.
        
        As an aside, if the man is working all day (assuming the women isn't of course) why wouldn't the kids be taken care of and dinner be cooked and ready?
        
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CreamPuffs

7 years ago

No kind of abuse is okay. Spouses and partners need to stop hitting each other, regardless of the genders they have.

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i_was_fricasseed

7 years ago

It's everyone's fault I think we should discuss over tea.

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Is domestic violence against women solely an issue involving men?