Is dependency in a family relationship normal when you're grown up?

21% Normal
2 Comments

I've worked for my parents ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. On weekends when I wasn't in school, I'd work at a cash register for my parent's store. I'd also work a lot during summer and winter breaks.

Now I'm 25. And I'm still expected to do this. I've had to drop school multiple times since it's no longer restricted to just weekends. There are a few times where I've been working 60+ hours. I can't even manage to get an outside part time job since my schedule is often extremely irregular. I tried before and had to drop it due to schedule clashing and too many hours from my parent's business.

On top of that, at home, I'm asked to take care of a lot of bill pay and business letter related stuff since they can't read English. I'm also asked to read and translate their emails for them and take care of pretty much anything electronics related.

I'm grateful to my parents for working hard and supporting me this far. But I do not want to live like this forever. I have been very depressed for a long time because there are a lot of things that I wanted to do with my life that I couldn't do. On top of that, because they were always busy working and are cold emotionally, I've pretty much had to raise myself. I have no one to talk to about these issues.

I have a lot of anxiety about this, and I've seen a therapist a few times since I've had depression for a long time now. But sometimes I wonder if I should just suck it up and do what they want. Is this situation normal? Or am I right to think that there's something wrong?

Voting Results
21% Normal
Based on 24 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with Q25t that other cultures have different standards for extended family life, but those cultures also have societal structures built on that kind of family dynamic. In a country in which extended families were the norm, there would be a support system, others in the same situation that could take over at the store and pitch in.

    It sounds like the OP is carrying all that weight himself. No wonder it's tremendously isolating, stressful and depressing.

    No, you shouldn't just "suck it up" and do what they want, OP. Denying you an education and chaining you to a cash register is horrifically unfair. If you live at home and can afford to move out, that would be a good first step. If you're already out of the house, put your foot down on the 60+ hour weeks; explain to them that they could hire an entry-level worker for less than what you're costing them. (They ARE paying you, right? If they aren't, you really need to leave that situation, stat.)

    They may have you handle all the bills and email because they're scared. Dealing with a completely unfamiliar language is intimidating for most people. Having you to translate takes that worry off their minds. It wouldn't be a bad idea to offer to handle the paperwork for them a couple of times a week. That way, you're still doing something considerate for them and maintaining family bonds, but you aren't at their beck and call 24/7.

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  • q25t
    11 years ago

    There's something wrong here. A little bit of dependency for the computer and bill paying things, I can understand, but the extent to which this goes is wrong.

    You're an adult at this point and you should have the freedom to go to school or get a different job if you want to. They are perfectly capable of at least trying to learn to read English.

    On the other hand, I realize that other cultures have entirely different standards for what is expected in this situation.

    You could at least hint that you want to go do other things by suggesting other people for your job in the business or other stuff like that.

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