Inn that im alone, kind of desperate, but i don't want anyone to know?

76% Normal
8 Comments

So I've been single for a long time and really don't have any close friends right now. But that always seems to keep me from meeting new people as well. My only option is to do things by myself, like do things on meetup, or I have even asked to be invited to parties before (really tacky, I know).

I'm really self conscious about this though. There used to be another guy that I hung out with sometimes and we would go to bars and watch football and stuff, but sometimes he would stay things like "you can bring a friend if you want, it would be nice to have a larger group". I would always try to find some excuse because there was simply no one to invite. He would bring some of his other friends sometimes. Eventually I thought that he was starting to catch on so I stopped hanging out with him.

I've had a bunch of dates where the similar happens. Whenever I tell stories or talk about the things I've done, I always try to conceal the fact that I was there by myself. Not in a way that I'm lying about it, but just be vague enough so that it's hard for people to tell. Or even if I'm talking with someone that I don't know very well, sometimes I get the idea, "they're going to figure out that you're alone or don't have many friends" so then I try to eject from the situation as soon as possible.

So it creates a situation where I don't have any friends and I can't make any because it would mean admitting to them that I don't have any friends.

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 49 votes (37 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • kelili
    11 years ago

    Reading your story I've have voted that it's normal that you are alone because you obviously don't want to make any effort to change the situation and you are complaining. I don't have any advice because I think you know exactly what your problem is and you know exactly how to solve it

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    You will go far if you only tell them.

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  • justsomekidfromcanada
    11 years ago

    Just be honest with them man. Yeah, it may scare a couple people off but I would bet there's just as many who would get what you're going through and introduce you to more of their own friends.

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  • fullhouse
    11 years ago

    I am a very closed person and like having one best friend.. I do talk to lot of people and I know lot of them but I avoid hanging out with them by making excuses..It's normal according to me. Just talk to someone with whom you don't feel self conscious. It's not healthy to be alone..

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    You could get a cellphone and pretend to be texting all the time. LOL oldest trick in the book. OR you could go make friends. OR Just tell them you don't have any. There are usually online things like I dunno. Craigslist if you have that there. You can actually put out a wanted ad for a friend xD Someone did that once, I thought it was kind of cute so I messaged them, but we were to different of people.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      The problem isn't so much finding things to do and doing them.

      It's being accepted by the people that are there. I don't really feel I could ever measure up to someone who has a normal social life, and in a friendship/relationship I'd just end up being a disappointment.

      Have you ever asked someone, "So what do you like to do with your friends?" and they respond, "Well, I don't have any." That would startle you for a second, wouldn't it?

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      • ccjigsaw
        11 years ago

        Nope. I didn't have any friends for a while, and my boyfriend didn't have any friends either when I first met him. I know all to well how hard it is, you still have to make a concious effort. No ones going to come up to you and say "be my friend" randomly. You have to put yourself in those kind of situations to open up the opportunities.

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  • Dropdeadj
    11 years ago

    You shouldn't feel conscious of this not everyone has lots of friends and its nothing to be ashamed of, just try and be friendly and if you come across as likeable the new people you talk to Will become your friends. Simple :)

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