Inn that i feel like i'm the only real person left on the planet?
So, I feel really alone right now. Well I am alone of course, but I don't always feel that way even though I am. But this time I do. I don't really have any close friends, and I'm not even sure if I ever have before.
Everything that I do socially has to be initiated by me. And it's not that I'm planning some awesome party or some great night out with a lot of other people. I just happen to find something going on where there might be people, and I decide to go. And then I do go. No one ever calls me and I don't get invited anywhere. Which only makes sense because there is no one out there to call.
It just feels like where ever I go, no matter who I talk to, or whatever connection I try to make, I always end up back by myself again in the end. It's like I'm in a TV show where one episode ends and everything is fantastic, but when you wake up the next morning, another episode begins and everything has reset itself back to that familiar starting point.
Sometimes I wonder if other people that I talk to know how alone I am, and that's what's driving them away. Sometimes I worry that even if they don't know, they'll eventually figure out how alone I am, and they'll go off running.