Inn not to tell anyone my problems

64% Normal
8 Comments

I think I have tried to in the very distant past, but no one really listens to me and I get the feeling they didn't care so from then on I just never tell anyone, even friends, when I used to have them.
It's very rare of me to "open up" and if I do it will be regarding an academic matter or blaming my bad mood on something trivial.
I'm very shy and thus quiet but even with friends, who I am confident around, I just turn to them for a laugh or to hang out with (in other words, to FORGET about said problems), but everybody else seems to "have someone to talk to". The idea of "sitting down and having a heart-to-heart" absolutely confuses me. How would I even approach the matter? I'd feel uncomfortably abrupt, attention-seeking or needy and burdensome.
I don't mind listening to others' problems, but when it comes to my own it's 1) just such a mess in my head I find it hard to explain or where to start.
2) I feel more worried when they inevitably don't listen/care, will possibly tell someone else, or silently judge me.
3) Most of my problems are little things that I've allowed to build up and overwhelm me - I can't tell someone EVERYTHING, and if I tell them one 'little thing' it would sound insignificant.
4) I feel patronised because they can't tell me anything I don't know. (It sounds haughty and I'm sorry. Let me explain.) Half my problems I'll keep to myself because I can sort them out myself. The other half would be impossible to deal with. So all that happens is I've opened up and made myself vulnerable for someone to say "It's alright" (it's not) or "I don't know" (helpful) or "do this" which they could but I couldn't, for whatever reason.
I also find it difficult to express emotions. I don't know why but showing my worry makes me feel vulnerable.
In other words, I don't want to dwell on my problems with someone only to receive the above. Friends = problem forgetters.

Sorry it's a long 'un. :)

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 28 votes (18 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • Everyting
    9 years ago

    That's exactly how my life is most of the time and I totally understand your thoughts. But it's always better to have that one person who you can share your deepest darkest secrets with; be your friends or family. If it's too difficult for you to express yourself start with non-living objects like a pillow or maybe even talk to yourself. Once you've let it all out, you can open up because then you won't bother what others think as you have your own judgement of yourself! And if nothing works, just know that everything happens at the proper moment as intended!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Avi
    9 years ago

    I feel you.I found this site recently and opened up about things here,but only because nobody knows me in real life.
    I can't have heart-to-heart conversations either.As a child,I was abussed by my mother even when I just said a word,so I could never really open up.I've triend in the past,but people either didn't care/listen or tried to take advantage of it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • MeowTrix
    9 years ago

    That's how it is for me too. I get around it by paying a therapist to listen and help me work through my problems.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • peterrabbyt3
    7 years ago

    You seem to be whining pretty good to us on this site. So whats your beef?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Andy_
    9 years ago

    Are you holding back long-suppressed emotions? Let your feelings flow, right now.

    While some of us wear our emotions on our sleeve, others keep feelings bottled up for decades. Strike a balance. If you are suffering with unexpressed frustration or grief, let the tears flow. Then find a friend to laugh with. Laughter, however artificial it feels, lightens the saddest moments and bonds us to family and friends.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    To all those giving me advice - thanks, but is it necessary? (Genuine question.)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Vanessa_Brown
      9 years ago

      IMO It isn't necessary, it is just another way we relate to others. When you do find someone you can rely on or speak openly without worry of judgement then you simply feel more comfortable to "vent". If it is an issue you are unable to answer for yourself then having that one friend is important. An example would be the issues you feel are impossible to deal with. They may not be so difficult with the right support. I myself have felt the same way you have in the past and it is a constant battle to decide whether I am opening up because I want them to understand me more or just to be heard.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • Karmasbitch
    9 years ago

    I went most of life without talking about my problems, it was normal. I then got a girlfriend who wants to know, so I spoke about everything. Well, that went out the door and Im no longer talking about them. so, yeh. I think its aproppriate in certain situations sure.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0