In a relationship but may still have feelings for old crush

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7 Comments

Ok. I adore my boyfriend. He is the world to me and I intend to marry him. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, ever, but I might have a problem.
Before my current boyfriend, I had mutual interest with a really good friend of mine. We never got serious, nothing beyond some flirty texts and talking on the phone and stuff, but my mom decided she didn't like how close we were getting so she forced me to cut ties.
About a year later this friend and I reconnected. At that time I was a month or two into my relationship with my boyfriend, and everybody was aware of where things were at. It's been going well but things are starting to get complicated.
The problem is, my boyfriend would absolutely permit us to have an open relationship. He doesn't want to get cheated on, but he says he trusts me to come back to him and he supports me in whatever I want to do. I recently told him I may be open to trying a threesome, but what I haven't told him is that I think I have unresolved feelings towards this old crush of mine.
I'm not exactly sure what to do. Breaking up is out of the question, it would destroy me to lose my boyfriend. But I don't know how to approach the subject that there might be some extra feelings going elsewhere. Advice is very much needed.

UPDATE: I decided to talk about it with my boyfriend and he is trying to look at it as objectively as possible. He could share me physically, but he won't share me emotionally, so he told me to try and find out if there are any true feelings with substance left between me and my old friend. He also told me I need to be prepared in the event that they are stronger than my feelings for him. We've been together a long time, so it's never been a question of whether I'm committed to him, but he tells me my judgement on him is impaired because of the old feelings. So now I have to talk to my friend about it and hope things go the way I want them to: I want to be able to stay friends, and I want to go on being happy with my boyfriend.

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70% Normal
Based on 10 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Mehereok1
    6 years ago

    Normal, but, you have to figure this out. Most times, when we have feelings for "friends", it's genuine. We spend more time with them than with our significant other, leading to familiarity and feelings. I had a female business associate who I spent tons of time with, much more than with my ex, and, yeah, we developed feelings for each other. Most people we knew thought we were together anyway, and, it worked with clients, many of whom saw us as married, and said things like "you two are so cute together".

    I was still married (however, will say..decided on divorce anyway, as things were in the crapper for awhile), and my business associate in similar situation. We both had lingering, but not a ton, feelings for who we were with, yet..Also had feelings for each other. Talked about it on the road one day and decided..If this is going to happen with us, we both need to be free and clear of our respective partners, regardless of relationship status at the time.

    To be honest, I'd be lying if said I didn't think about her from time to time now, even though am happy in my current relationship. "D" and I just do so well together, even when we're in other relationships. I just won't ruin what I have with "K" to go be with D.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    I'm in a relationship that is open and my gut instinct tells me no, you aren't ready for it.

    Why do I say this. A. "He doesn't want to get cheated on" and B. You didn't tell him about unresolved feelings.

    To have an open relationship you have to be 100% honest with a partner. The fact the neither of you are being honest means you aren't ready. He knows you have feelings for your crush and it sounds like he didn't explain that he knew that.

    And you didn't tell him he is right.

    If you could both do that and know why it's important, then you will be ready.

    I share everything with my girlfriend. She can even log in to this account and see what I am up too.

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  • Edvoid
    6 years ago

    This is totally normal. It is proven that a human being's feelings and love for one another will never leave. Ive had plenty of girlfriends and I still have feelings for my first. I highly recommend you don't break up with him. Chances are (very high chances) that your ex has moved on a while ago and will NOT want to get back together with you. So don't. Threesomes are also totally and morally wrong. Especially with ur ex. So just move on and stay with ur current boyfriend if I were you.

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    • nikkiclaire
      6 years ago

      Without quoting the bible, the koran, mother goose, or cat in the hat, please tell me why 3 some are "morally" wrong!!!

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  • Brownbear
    5 years ago

    If I was your boyfriend I would do a 3 some with you and him. But I am bi and have fun sharing. So if we did and u still weren't sure I would say let's keep up the three way for a while.

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  • randypete
    6 years ago

    This is so normal

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  • strangethingshappen
    6 years ago

    why are you dating guys!

    They suck

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