Im soft spoken & shy but why do people have a big problem with that?

I find it normal, I hate it when people question it saying "Why are you always so quiet?" it's such an ignorant question,stupid for them to waste their time asking

im just like you. i think its because we matured eairlier than our age group but i hate when people ask why are you so quite? like how are we suppost to answer that?!? i just smile and shrug politly.

I am the same way. Not a big talker and people always think I am rude or I don't like them. I just don't like small talk. It's all too fake for me. You are perfectly normal.

I know what you're talking about. I myself sometimes feel as if I'm not even in the right era. No one likes to discuss books and spirtuality and philosophy like I do. Lucky for me, I've had the same friends for many years. They're used to the way I am. They don't ask dumb questions are do the whole walking away thing, as you described. Just keep being you and realize that at least you're unique. For me, it works to observe people and not even worry about talking. Everyone trusts me (probably because I don't talk much) so they confide in me. I bet you're just as trustworthy, so don't worry. Besides, shy and quiet people have a mysterious air about them (at least that's what my friends say) and that's what makes us so interesting :)

A wise person speaks because they have something to say. A fool speaks because they have to say something.

They want you to be loud and annoying

Always better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it.

Dude, this page feels like home...we should all just be placed in a universe together where only intelligent kind exist...

Listen bud i know its hard for you now i know kuz i live a similar life ive been called hideously ugly since the day i started elementary school yet when i look in the mirror i always see a king no seriously i think im pretty good looking how ironic huh, but i think the end is in sight you know why? not because i see signs of change, even though there are some subtle ones no but because i believe that all men were born equal you dont believe me? listen friend what happens when you spoil a child yes they are the life of the party, the popular kid when young but when they get older they still expect everything to be handed to them and the world simply doesnot work that way but what happens when you take a poor child who faught everyday of his/her young life and put them out in the real world vs the spoiled brats my friend you are strong,,,, dont weap celebrate, because someday you'll see you are strong so follow the flow and keep walking forward we can go far.

I'm exactly the same and get pissed off just like you do! If a person directly asked me why I don't talk much I literally stand there stunned, I find that incredibly rude, I don't ask a loud person why they always have to hear their own voices so why should I be made to feel like I'm not normal. On many occasions I may have seemed hostile because I tend to answer that question with a question, why do you want to hear me talk? I can talk perfectly well to people I know or even strangers if I am interested in the topic of conversation but if it is mindless dribble, I just switch off. I'm not a big talker and I don't plan to 'change' to suit everyone else's view so they can just fuck off! If everyone insisted on talking all the time who would listen? Not enough 'listeners' in this world...

I thank it's normal I have the same problem I just can't help it cause everyone at school tells me that and my family it's normal!! :))

Have to agree, im the same and i think its quiet normal, but others find us awkward or annoying in the same way we find them annoying for talking about sh*t. I also hate it if someone says hey youre quiet today, another one is when they tell you to smile, that really bugs me because until that moment you can be having a good time but that just ruins it.
Im definitely a person "reader" also and its exactly as the comment above.

P.S.-I can "read" people, too. You just look at someone's face and tell what kind of person they are. Based on that, you may want to keep them around or just - not. I think you are 100% normal, don't sweat it.

I hate when peoeple point to thier wrist to ask for the time. Do I point to my crotch when I need to use the bathroom?

my cousin is the same. I think to each their own.

Yeah, I have no problem on the internet and outside of school but I get nervous around kids at school. They think that I think that I'm too good to talk to them and that I'm a rich prude bitch when I don't have any money and I'm a slut. I kind of laugh it off now.

I think that you are fine but there are circumstance which you might out smart yourself the fact that i don't know you it is very hard yo tell. You think you can read people very good and I think that I am the same way but there is still an assumption that is taking place you are trying to think like some else and maybe you got it wrong. The thing you are reading about a person is insignifacant to the actual situation. Like I said you out smart yourself. And instead of trying to just have small talk, talk about what interest you. The thing to realize is that you are who you are. Who cares about other people. For me i don't like normal talk. I like to actually find out who people are and you will find that most people like to talk about themselves. that is just what i like to talk about. Even like you said you like to talk about philosophy. What most people don't understand is that everyone likes to talk about it because in a generalization we like to talk about ourselves. And within that self is our own philosophy about life. Quit thinking you are so smart and take them time to listen to other people. In most respects they feel the same way that you do about small talk. But that is where the conversation starts. You try to get to now one another. I am starting to ramble so I am going to stop.

I was the same way. But I joined the military so I changed alot. Buy I'm still very observant of everyone. Just by the way they stand can tell me alot about them. Each person is blessed in different ways. Don't ever think that you have to change to please everyone. Usually those people are the one who want to please everyone and want to be accepted by everyone. The're fake, and it shows.

I want to add, I think the anti-shyness thing is cultural. I've only personally found it in anglo North America. There's all kinds of people, shy and not, in all cultures I've visited but other cultures don't have such a stigma against being polite, quiet or shy, and in many cultures this is actually a very positive thing (and aggression is seen as being vulgar and immature). I think that is one of the things that helped me get over the shyness, when I realized the criticism was cultural, not logical, so I didn't care any more what people back here thought since I don't even live here full-time any more. I think something carried over from the frontier developmental days, and also the big competitive spirit at the present moment. People in some cultures I was in actually thought the anti-shyness thing here is ludicrous. It was actually considered positive over there to say "I am shy/quiet", whereas here, I found that it was one of the worst things someone could say about you. I've now taken to say here, sorry but this is my cultural personality and my choice. It's not going to change since I don't want it to. (I'm from another Western culture originally, but it is a polite and quieter culture).

I think it is normal since it is one type of personality. And I agree with one person that it means you have matured earlier than others. I think when people don't like it they sense something in you that they lack and project their insecurities onto you by making it seem your personality is bad or inadequate. I've found that whenever I am criticized for something that is actually a positive thing, the reason is that the criticizer is trying to twist that positive thing into something negative to make themselves feel better.

I am the same as you, I've been that way also from the beginning. I did learn later from mixing a lot with people and trying hard to overcome my shyness and try to imitate those around me, to talk, joke, etc too as they seemed to be doing, and I learned to be social. Then I found that they still noticed a difference in me compared with themselves. I mean, at first, maybe in the first day or few minutes, they found me to be similar to them in a superficial way (maybe I'm a good imitator!), but when they got to know me a little better, they still saw that the basic me was in fact quieter and more serious than they were. I had learned from being around them enough that I could imitate them but I couldnt change who I was.

Another thing is, I became even better at speaking when I lived abroad in very different cultures for a few years and had all kinds of experiences in which I had to speak up for myself and hold my own, and I came back with this greater confidence and many more things to talk about. Then I found that when I talk to these guys back home (not the fellow travellers abroad though), maybe since I was talking more since I had more things to share (and had learned to get over most of the shyness as well) they didn't like that either! I realize from reading some of the remarks in this forum that this is since I still wasn't doing small talk, I was talking more since I had actual things to share, things which were greater than what they talked about (even though I wasn't trying to do talk about greater things, but only sharing what was on my mind or my lifestyle up until this moment; I mean, I've literally only just got back, and I still live in both places), so once again they didn't like it. So it seems like if you have our sort of personality you can't really win. They don't like it if you are quiet, they don't like it if you learn to imitate them, and they also don't like it if you actually have something to say since it still shows you are different from them and what you are saying supercedes what they are saying, even if you are not doing that deliberately at all but just talking about what interests you or what you have learned recently.

And still, even with my new confidence and outgoingness, I find that there are some of them, in this culture anyway (not abroad at all in the cultures I spent time in), who still try to tell me that I lack confidence or am too quiet? What? Here I am feeling confident and talking about things, being friendly, joining in socially and holding my own, and they still notice that my basic personality is more polite and quiet than their own just since I am confident but NOT AGGRESSIVE!

So there is no point trying to please them, you are you and it is a no win situation trying to be anything else. I think it is just jealousy.

No it's not normal. Change your personality or you are going to be a failuuuuuure in life. Dude the world is like so out-going and social nowadays.

I hate to brand people as introverts or extroverts ... but I myself was an introvert. So I changed the whole fucking thing and got like 1000000000000000000000000 friends – and look how good life is!

– Real Shit, Hope You Make More Friends.

I hate smalltalk too. Average people don't like topics such as computers, maths, physics, economics etc. I despise the infamous why are you so quiet question. Sheesh it's because of your mindless chitchat morons.

i don't like talking to people i don't know, it sucks cos then how will i find more friends. i gotta feel comfortable

You are probably my best friend ever... I hated it when people asked me that question - "Why are you so quiet?", "Why don't you talk?"-what the hell? Have you never seen a quiet person? Sheesh, everybody isn't the same. And I agree with you on the whole conversation thing, somtimes I don't know what to say to people, or I really don't want to talk to that particular person. There is nothing wrong with being quiet, people are just jealous of our ability to not talk for periods of time and actually pay attention to what other people are saying. We're special.

I am extremely similar to this poster. I am quiet, not shy, just quiet. I don't enjoy gossiping or making small talk such as
How are you
Good
That's good
Yep.
I find it boring and unimportant. You say you'd rather talk about philosophy, I'd rather talk about physcology and the human mind. I also just say quotes out loud to myself when I make one up or know one that relates to the situation. I'd like to be able to just say one to someone without getting told I'm wierd. That's why I just keep my mouth shut most of the time. I enjoy my own company anyway, it helps me think, to observe. I also read people easily, like you also. I hate people judging people they don't even know just because of how they look. I am quite intelligent. Every person I know tells me I'm 'too nice' (if that's possible). I also hate when people say
Why are you so quiet? and
What's wrong?
Can't I just say nothing and there be nothing wrong with me? Gee, what's up with that? Anyway, you're normal.

What I notice is that people have a problem with a loud/angry-agressive person cause they always accuse me of being a bitch. I'm just being me and being truthful. I'm not harming anyone.

OMG!!! I use to say the exact same thing!!! Word for word and you know what. There is nothing wrong with you. But in reality there is nothing wrong with anyone. Everything and everyone is perfect just as they are and are as they should be. You are naturally an observer and many people living on earth are here just to do that, observe. You might want to try meditating or going deep within one night before going to bed and asking to know the truth about everything, the world, the people, your truth. You will be amazed at what you find out. I was and all I did was ask that simple little question from deep within. =0)

I did not read this before I posted it. So sorry about all the errors.

Shyness is normal, but are you taking it too far? Maybe you're taking advantage of the 'shy' label to be antisocial and that's why people pick at you.