Im 19, newly married and i have to beg my husband for sexual attention

54% Normal
12 Comments

my name is rachel.im 19 and my husband is 21. i dated my husband for 4 years before he asked to marry me. hes military so we were long distance before marriage. when we got married our wedding night was disappointing. and when we moved into our house we would have sex 3 times a week, never one after another, or twice a day, never out of the bedroom, or at random times during the day. i would greet him home from work in sexy outfits and i would get a huff and an excuse to make me change. i would be on my knees begging to the point of crying for sexual attention. we barely have sex at all. i start it everytime. i feel so ugly. what am i doing wrong? is this normal?

Voting Results
54% Normal
Based on 76 votes (41 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • pixie_dust
    12 years ago

    i've had that problem b4 too with my bf, and it's been emotional. does he like affection? if you just lay with him in bed and talk aand hug him, how does that go? don't get hung up on worrying about your looks. i'm 95% positive that's not the issue. i'd say, talk to him and give him love and affection, and maybe seek counselling.

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    • rachel10
      12 years ago

      hes a cuddler. just i dont think hes comfortable with his sexuallity. weve had many conversations over the subject. but he thinks couciling is for nut jobs.

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      • WestViking
        12 years ago

        Counselling is for anyone who needs it, and I think he does. Something is bothering him and he should try to address the problem, especially since it is a threat to your relationship.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    You dated the same man from the age of 15.

    Perhaps that's the problem. You've never known anyone else, not as an adult. Even now you're still entitled to full legal adult rights (i.e. you cannot drink).

    However you've already tied the knot so... the next thing to do is live with your choices. I would recommend marriage counseling.

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  • lc1988
    12 years ago

    Maybe he's just not "in love" with you anymore.

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  • c1s3r79
    12 years ago

    If it makes you feel bad about yourself it's really not a good relationship, that doesn't necessarily means you should break up, you have to talk directly of the problem in order to fix it.
    Marriage counseling (from an expert like a psychologist or a sexologist) is also a very good option, just don't think the problem is going to go away, fix itself or simply give up, that's never the answer.

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  • pem24
    12 years ago

    Hmm... that's bad. Maybe have your own separate room and when you're satisfying yourself, let him overhear your moan. If he didn't react, it may indicate that he doesn't care for your sexual needs.
    To feel ugly when things like this happen is normal but to feel it in a long run is abnormal.

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    • rachel10
      12 years ago

      the thing is if hes horny, he'll ask for head and then if i say why not just sex he says fine but ill just lay there. i dont want to have sex with a limp body. and if i give him head and ask for a little something myself im selfish and he takes a rain check which he never cashes

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      • pem24
        12 years ago

        Oh my.. is he like that all the time? If this issue can't be straighten through a one-on-one talk, sad to say but maybe he's not sexually attracted with you anymore or there might be some psychological stress inflicted since you said he was a military.

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        • rachel10
          12 years ago

          since ive had the chat so many times with him and he cares for about a week and then goes back to same old same old. ive told him that he has 6 months. i love him so very much but im only 19, i shouldnt have to stay in a loveless marriage already.

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          • pem24
            12 years ago

            Well, its up to him to change 'coz he owns his mind, and his brain will never be yours. You may have the wish to control the situation but it won't work the way you want it if he's uncooperative. It takes two to tango, right?
            Remember that exchange of "I do" is a commitment, unless you did it because of an arranged agreement. If you fear you've ended in a loveless marriage, its because your expectations were not met. Sex is part of marriage but accepting one another is way more loving, IMHO.

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  • Gelmurag
    12 years ago

    This is a pretty common theme here. Girl has problem about boy. Boy has problem about girl. Instead of talking about it, they come here. They get angry when people say to divorce/break up, when they themselves should understand thats a very real solution. If your not happy, something is wrong. If he/she refuses to talk about it, move on to find someone who does make you happy. Simple.

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