Iit that when my boyfriend and i fight, he shuts me out

52% Normal
10 Comments

My boyfriend and I fight a lot. When we fight, he ends up just sitting there and being completely nonconstructive and rude. I want to work things out and I care about things, but he always does this. He says it's because he gets too angry and only wants to get back at me at that point. We've tried leaving for awhile then coming back to talk about it, but when we do that, it leads to talking about breaking up. If I want to break up, it's because I can't stand how stupid he's being. If he wants to break up, it's because he thinks that we'll always fight and there's no solution. Is there a solution? By the way, I'm 17 and he's 18.

Voting Results
52% Normal
Based on 33 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Smy1220
    12 years ago

    2 words, blow job

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    13 years ago

    Thanks for the advice everyone. I'll try to talk to him about these things when we aren't angry.

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  • ashelizax
    13 years ago

    i've been there.. my story sounds just like yours. it's tough. he would shut down too, and i would want to talk things out, and that would lead to him breaking up with me. eventually we broke up for good, and i blame most of it on lack of good communication. you guys need to find a way to accept each other's behaviors during an argument, if that makes any sense. if he shuts down, you need to respect that that's just his way of dealing with it, and give him some space but let him you know still love him and will be there when he's ready to talk. i've learned that pushing the issue during an argument (as much as i want to make my point) generally only leads to disaster. i do wish you the best of luck though.

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  • 8Serene8
    13 years ago

    Tell him to grow the F up.

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  • robbieforgotpw
    10 years ago

    Try taking dumps together as a couple

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  • joelsmo
    13 years ago

    First of all , he is obviously not cooling off enough before you talk. You need to let him decide when he is ready to talk about it, not as soon as he walks in the door you are all over him. Let him leave, cool off and tell him you wish to talk when he is ready. Second, so many woman do not realize men need problems resolved. talking is not resolving. If too many problems cannot be resolved then resentments will build and things will only get worse. You can talk all you want but until you can actually find solutions then talking does nothing. maybe he realizes that you are not willing to resolve problems, just talk about them and he just want to move on.

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  • dappled
    13 years ago

    It sounds like you both care about the relationship and are struggling to understand how each other thinks. Both of you have opinions that perhaps differ.

    Don't take this as gospel because I'm just speaking off the top of my head here. But how about agreeing to write each other a letter which expresses how you feel about the fighting, why you fight, what annoys you about each other, what you wish the other knew, but also what you love about each other. And then agree to read each other's letter in isolation, and without judgement.

    Then talk about it and see if you make any headway.

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  • xxxbeautifullybrokenxxx
    13 years ago

    I really think it will only get worse.

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  • DannyKanes
    13 years ago

    Omg, just break up already. Things are obviously not working out and it would probably be the best for both of you if you went your separate ways

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    • chatter289
      13 years ago

      No,breaking up is NEVER a solution, not unless you fall out of love with each other. You two are very young still and have much to learn. Im 21 and my boyfriend is 24, and for the past year we have had COUNTLESS arguments followed by many breakups! His solution was to walk away and i would never stand for that. So it came to a point where i was so blunt with him and said, if you do not grow up out of your childish ways then it would not have worked out.

      Communication seems to be the problem, and i think that you two need to go out for lunch, and open up to each other like BEST FRIENDS, not bf and gf, but as best friend. It would be nice for you to hear from each other just what you don't like and like about each other. Humans in general do not like being criticized AT ALL, so whatever you say make sure you clarify to each other that YOU DO NOT MEAN IT IN A NASTY way, rather you want them to UNDERSTAND what you are feeling. You are wanting to place yourself in each others shoes so you can see certain things from their persepctive.

      However, if he ends up not respecting how you feel then he is not the one for you. Its all about COMPROMISING. Thats is the key thing. Talking and telling each other how you feel will open up your reltionship which, i promise you, will end your arguments. It will take some time, but its all about being PATIENT, people dont change in a day or night and you cannot change them, people will only change IF you change. Its a cause and effect.

      Good luck!

      P.s. sorry for the long message!

      xxxx

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